Sometimes people can be cruel.

[Boris Godunov]

We're not dumb, we know what you meant. One doesn't use the phrase "dirty work" like that and not mean it.

I suggest you review the Christian doctrine you profess to follow a bit more closely. Your comment was sick and about as cruel as it gets.

Yet another for ignore.

[FrustratedPoet]

Originally posted by SlowwHand
True, I wanted to ask if you thought breaking up over the phone was cruel

Stringing the relationship along for a while, when you know you want out, sounds just as cruel to me. It clearly was a pretty crappy situation for everyone involved.

Besides, gently breaking up with someone over the phone isn't as cruel as taunting somebody who may have unwittingly contributed to the suicide of a loved one.

And doing said taunting over the internet, instead of face to face, is pretty cowardly too.

[SlowwHand]

Whatever, Boris. I honestly wish you would put me on ignore.
I'm not talking to your dumb ass.
Breaking up is dirty work, and if you don't think so that says much more in the negative about you than me.

[Sikander]

Mr. Fun,

Your friend killed himself for his own reasons. There is no way it could be your fault. As for your inability recently to get into a relationship, I get the feeling that you are a moving target (ie changing). That makes it difficult for anyone to decide whether or not you are meant to be together, including yourself. Work on paying closer attention to yourself, specifically work on choking down your prejudices and other people's remnant voices in your head, and instead let gravity / chance / your own innate desires make your choices for you. See what happens from there, ie are you making different choices, and if so, are you enjoying them.

[Pekka]

Boris, come on.. sometimes people say something they don't truly mean. Especially on the internet, where you don't have to face someone, so you might be quicker to say something, and later notice when you read the post again that it wasn't supposed to come out like that.

It is kind of cruel to break up with someone over the phone for sure. But of course it can not be compared to what happened, and that it was some how someones fault to begin with. I'm not trying to defend anyone here, all I'm saying is that sometimes people say something and it comes out stronger than they meant.. it happens all the time.

[SlowwHand]

Inflection of voice is sorely missed in the written word.

Having to break up, is going to be a bad deal. Period.
Doing it by phone, damn. This is where I'll bog again.
Breaking up my phone, is less kind than many other ways one might do the deed.
That in no way infers that you should be capable of foreseeing the sequence of events as they would unfold.

Is that any more clear, and/or am I still a bastard?

[MrFun]

Originally posted by SlowwHand
Inflection of voice is sorely missed in the written word.

Having to break up, is going to be a bad deal. Period.
Doing it by phone, damn. This is where I'll bog again.
Breaking up my phone, is less kind than many other ways one might do the deed.
That in no way infers that you should be capable of foreseeing the sequence of events as they would unfold.

Is that any more clear, and/or am I still a bastard?

I don't need to be tortured by thinking of the different ways I could have done it -- don't you think I did enough of that the past two years and then getting counseling?
I contemplated (AT THE TIME) until waiting to get back home to break up with him in person -- DUH. But he already sensed something was wrong from the e-mails and other phone calls.

And I don't think you were with me in Ecuador on the day I found out about the suicide, and then suffering an emotional breakdown.

And I know that Mark did not kill himself only because I broke up with him -- he was unstable, and I never realized it.

[Sprayber]

Mr. Fun. You take things way too personally. Perhaps this is one of the sources of your depression and inability to stay with someone. He committed suicide for his own reasons. Perhaps it's time for you to move beyond thinking it was your fault and get on with your life. Yeah, I have heard the "get on with your life" line before and at the time it sounded cruel and cold. But in the end, you either have to or let his death define you for the rest of your life.

As for you being mad at Sloww for pointing out certain things, I would ask what did you really expect. Breaking up over the phone is not the best way to end a relationship. I have done it and had it done to me before and it is extremely cold and impersonal. Was it better than letting it drag on and on? That's a question I can't answer because I don't know all the circumstances. But don't get mad at Sloww for him simply pointing out a fact. Maybe it wasn't the most tactfull thing to say but sometimes tact gets in the way of getting to the heart of the matter.

[MrFun]

Originally posted by Sprayber
Mr. Fun. You take things way too personally. Perhaps this is one of the sources of your depression and inability to stay with someone. He committed suicide for his own reasons. Perhaps it's time for you to move beyond thinking it was your fault and get on with your life. Yeah, I have heard the "get on with your life" line before and at the time it sounded cruel and cold. But in the end, you either have to or let his death define you for the rest of your life.

As for you being mad at Sloww for pointing out certain things, I would ask what did you really expect. Breaking up over the phone is not the best way to end a relationship. I have done it and had it done to me before and it is extremely cold and impersonal. Was it better than letting it drag on and on? That's a question I can't answer because I don't know all the circumstances. But don't get mad at Sloww for him simply pointing out a fact. Maybe it wasn't the most tactfull thing to say but sometimes tact gets in the way of getting to the heart of the matter.

One, I have realized that he killed himself for other reasons.

Two, I don't think I was looking for criticism or "facts" when I spilled my guts today. I was looking for a way to get this off my chest.

Maybe I should have lied to Mark until I got back home and then he would have kept going crazy wondering what the f**k was wrong, that I did not want to talk about.

I do not regret breaking up with him -- I regret how I did it, and that he killed himself.

[Sprayber]

I dont' know what to tell you. I hope you can come to terms with it in such a way that you can get on with living. It's not easy but it has to be done..

[Urban Ranger]

This thread illustrates an interesting difference between how men and women communicate.

Often, when women talk, they just want a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to lean on. A lot of men don't realise that.

Today, MrFun communicated in a feminine mode, though some male posters responded predictably in a masculine way.

[Ben Kenobi]

Mr. Fun:

Sorry to hear about the suicide.

Now, I agree with slowwhand, there are better ways to break up with someone than to do so over the phone.

However, why do you blame yourself for his suicide? Other people have breakups, and don't choose to commit suicide, so there must have been something else involved, perhaps his bipolar disorder.

Have you gone into counselling? That would be the first thing I would do if this happened to me. These people are professionals and should be able to offer you a way to deal with these feelings.

Secondly, if you need a target to rant, I don't mind. Forget all these people who said that you should be getting over your feelings, by now let it out! It's got to happen sometime.

[Thorn]

Mr.Fun I hate to say it... wait I enjoy saying it... you reap what you soe.

Causing someone your involved with to kill themselves... I have no sympathy for that... since you were going out with him it was your responsibility to know him well enough... Your a callus fake human being... and you are going to pay for that.... depression in this case is deserved... but only depression... no death... you need to live the rest of your life reminded of this...


FYI,
I'm only cruel because I see other people be cruel to each other (and when death is involved it only makes the fire burn hotter)...

[SlowwHand]

MrFun didn't cause it.
His ex was weak-minded.
Very seldom is suicide a legitimate escape, but do to so over someone breaking up with you is just, well, leave it at weak.

[Thorn]

So you think weak minded people deserve to die, that's what you said...?