Sometimes people can be cruel.

[MrFun]

This late July, it will have been two years since my ex-boyfriend killed himself while I was in Ecuador, after I broke up with him over the phone. Instead of the details again, I will just remind you that he felt there was something wrong over the e-mails and phone calls, so I thought I could not lie to him until I got back home. So without knowing he was manic-depressive, I made the painful decision to break up with him over the phone. I found out about his suicide a few days after he killed himself, while I was still living in Ecuador. Then I had my emotional breakdown, and went through the long grieving process.

The past couple of years, I was always reminded of the pain I went through, when some occassional, cruel person calls me a coward and instead of listening to me about what really happened, he believes in the rumors -- that I just dumped him without any second thought, and that I was a coward, and so on.

Well, when I thought I was finally done getting such cruelty, I got another such reminder from another jerk who doesn't know sh*t about something that he was never involved in -- just today. This is in addition to already not feeling great about myself lately.

The past week or so, I have been feeling somewhat lonely and depressed.

This is in spite of the good, platonic friends that I hang out with, and whom I can rely on.

In spite of my excellent undergraduate accomplishments.

In spite of an internship and a good graduate school waiting for me this fall.

In spite of the good sex I have had with attractive guys the past year.

I guess it's because the past year, I have not been able to find someone whom I was interested in, who was interested in dating. Of course, there are a couple of guys interested in dating me that I'm not interested in, but I don't want to talk about them.

I am feeling lonely and depressed I guess, when I look back the past year, and realized I have not had any dates -- just tricks. I wanted to find someone the past year, but to no avail. It might be paranoia, but me thinks I haven't found someone here because of the local rumors. I don't know.

Maybe I will feel better later tonight after having spilled my guts to a friend, and on here.

[Thorn]

Hey you could try to date me.... if you are looking for a challenge... heh heh.

[MRT144]

at least you have friends where you are. all my friends live in the bay area, and im up here in washington. also my computer broke down and i cant produce music right now. also im broke and might be overdrawn on my bank account. did i mention that im unemployed and that i dont have a vehicle because it broke down, and i have a speeding ticket to pay off.

[MrFun]

Originally posted by MRT144
at least you have friends where you are. all my friends live in the bay area, and im up here in washington. also my computer broke down and i cant produce music right now. also im broke and might be overdrawn on my bank account. did i mention that im unemployed and that i dont have a vehicle because it broke down, and i have a speeding ticket to pay off.

But is it fair to compare your problems with mine?

Sorry to hear about your situation, though.

[FrostyBoy]

Your priorities seem mixed to me, MrFun, this is probably why you are depressed, or occassionaly get depressed.

[MRT144]

not really, but i need a soapbox to ***** on right now. and i need a friend to hug me too.

[darkgrendel]

Ouch. =/

[Cruddy]

It takes a lot longer for some people to grieve than others - it depends on the circumstances of the bereavement.

The problem here is with people getting you down. Fvck what they think, only you are in a position to judge your actions.

Sure, maybe you could have done things different, and maybe things would have turned out different - or maybe they would have turned out EXACTLY the same.

As for finding the right person to bond with, I guess everyone with any kind of insight rejects most choices right away.

I know I do. I'm a fussy bastard.

Good luck with the financial hardship, MRT. I've been broke for so long it's hard to remeber what cash in the wallet feels like.

[Pekka]

MrFun, sorry to hear that. Sounds tough thing to deal with.

I was having some lesser problems but they seemed too big to overcome too. I tried to rationalise it, I tried to imagine something else happened, I tried to forget about it etc. But the only thing that truly helped was to get a vacation, alone, and just be with myself. Not judging myself at all, just forcing myself to think about the good things and start liking myself. It helped a lot and I came back as a new man. So what am I saying?
Try a nice vacation with not too much action. Take a long walk or something. Be alone, but don't be feeling alone.
Try something new.. something that cheers you up.
If you feel bad, forget about everyone else and start focusing on yourself. I'm not expert, but it helped me, it might help you too, you never know..

And don't worry, I've spilled my guts few times here also and I always feel ashamed and stupid few minutes after I hit the 'submit' button.

[chequita guevara]

And this too, shall pass.

[SlowwHand]

So this talk of people can be cruel, is in reference to your using the phone to do your dirty work ?
I agree. People can be cruel.

[MrFun]

Originally posted by MRT144
not really, but i need a soapbox to ***** on right now. and i need a friend to hug me too.

Well, you probably won't have any problems making new friends where you're at.


And SlowwHand, I didn't realize you hated me so much. You know what I meant by people being cruel, and you read the reasons why I did what I did.

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by SlowwHand
So this talk of people can be cruel, is in reference to your using the phone to do your dirty work ?
I agree. People can be cruel.

Wow, you are a bastard.

[MrFun]

I wanted to spill my guts in the hopes of feeling better -- I guess Slowwhand wants me to feel miserable.

[SlowwHand]

That read a lot worse than intended.

True, I wanted to ask if you thought breaking up over the phone was cruel, but in a seperate statement, I say that yes, people are cruel many times.

That still is sounding lumped together, but it's not.
And I may be a bastard, but I don't hate you.