So, I have a tumor

[Pekka]

Consider yourself very fortunate that it was discovered at a point when it could still be treated. That's a big plus. Go live life, dude.

Yes! Not only treated but operated, cut out, and with success. Left no neurological damage either. That in itself is something to be thankful of, this would have been much more unlikely to be so successful perhaps only 10 years ago, who knows. That would have been the tragedy, with a child on the way. Now it's likely that I'll live couple decades and possibly even longer. Suddenly things seem OK again. And yes, discovered, what if I didn't have my seizure? This thing untreated? Life expectancy would have dropped very fast (on average without operation 5 years). Who knows, maybe I had only like a year left if undetected.

Definitely living life has changed, and it basically started with me quitting my current job very soon. I'm sick and tired of the way things are managed, life is too short to waste time trying to suck up on some manager who shouldn't be managing a single living organism if rationality prevailed.

[SlowwHand]

At the most basic level, life for all is too short to spend any of it being unhappy.

[Pekka]

At the most basic level, life for all is too short to spend any of it being unhappy.

Exactly. The difference for me is that rationally this makes sense but now I KNOW it. Sometimes it takes something to stop you first until you can move forward. For me, I stopped, and now I can move forward. Lots of baggage can be just shaken off, like money issues (unless one can't make ends meet, rent, food etc.), and things like that. They simply have no meaning anymore. Appreciation of things goes up, and with all this, added that I'm gaining more sense of security as this thing becomes under control, becomes happiness.

[Berzerker]

Yes! Not only treated but operated, cut out, and with success. Left no neurological damage either.

indeed

[Nikolai]

I'm happy to see how well you take things Pekka. Not everyone would do that in your situation.

[Pekka]

I'm happy to see how well you take things Pekka. Not everyone would do that in your situation.

Perhaps, but I'm lucky to have such a great SO who takes care of me. There is no doubt this is stressful for her as well. I asked her to put the brave face on for me, as I couldn't take it any other way. That she needs to be optimistic if I'm not at times, and not too sorry for me. She's done exactly that. This is not easy for her as her father died of cancer some years ago and it took her a loooong time to get over it and in some sense she is still not over it. It was tragic in many ways. Now, it was like ACT II of that trauma. Plus she's pregnant.

If I was alone, it would be so much more difficult. Now? I'm just recovering fast and feeling OK. Anyways, yesterday my hands trembled as I went to a brain tumor forum (local). I've imagined all the possible positive ways for this to develop (no pun intended), as in this is not a death sentence in the long term either. I was so relieved to see many posters having this same thing I have, and they're still OK. In fact, some of them had had successful operations after the first one, meaning they've had several, still going strong, no significant neurological damage. This is such good news. It means that I go to MRI/CT scans regularly, but it can be operated again, there's a chance for it. Many of these people have been going for for decades with this thing. I realize doctors cannot promise you that you will live for 40 years with this, even though it would be totally possible and tend to be more pessimistic so you can then "beat the odds" and feel good about it. But this was very good news.

My dad and his girlfriend came to visit us yesterday and today we'll go out to eat, and I get to tell my dad we're having a baby and he will be a grandfather this Fall. I'm a little nervous but in a good way. I know this is something he has been waiting, maybe even given up hope. Also we had to sort of kick them out and not let them sleep here because my SO has lots of morning sickness and stuff, and they thought they'd sleep here so it was a bit awkward and even embarrassing to get rid of them but I'm sure they will understand now.

All in all, life is definitely great! I'm waiting for my consultation time with the oncologist, which is the only thing that scares me at the moment. Scary, because well, it's not exactly the most uplifting appointment to go to, in the cancer ward as you'd guess. I also heard that friends of our family from way back just got better from cancer, first wife got breast cancer and just when she got better, her husband got some nasty cancer near the nose. Both survived and are recovering well, and they sent me their best so it was inspiring. People battle worse conditions than I do and get the better of it all the time. There is no reason why I shouldn't win this little ****er.

[Dr Strangelove]

Glad to hear things worked out Pekka. It just goes to show that it really pays to shop around for a quality neurosurgeon. Don't settle for the bargain-basement, ADA entitled sort. It always pays to check out the quality of their work first - and don't forget to smell their breath too.

[MOBIUS]

Keep plugging away dude, just think of this condition as the worst trolls on Poly and Super Citizen it the hell away!

[Pekka]

Glad to hear things worked out Pekka. It just goes to show that it really pays to shop around for a quality neurosurgeon. Don't settle for the bargain-basement, ADA entitled sort. It always pays to check out the quality of their work first - and don't forget to smell their breath too.

It does, but I just got lucky. I live in a place that has a hospital specializing for brain surgeries and brain issues. How's that for good luck, eh?

[DaShi]

Luck. . .or conspiracy?

[Bosh]

Well keep in mind that with a baby any time you have will go veeeeeeeery sloooooooooowly. Take my word for it

Seriously though, it looks like you're soldiering through this in the best possible way.

[Pekka]

I'm not sure what you mean, Bosh. But it gives me this idea, that I can make one second last two seconds, if I really make it count. If I really open up my senses, open my eyes, ears, smell everything, think about things, it makes one second worth two. That just doubles my life span anyways.

I have my oncologist consultation next Monday. I'm scared ****less. It's probably nothing new, probably about the medication they've been thinking about giving me. I just don't want to hear any more bad news. I simply am not in the mood or state to be able to handle anymore mortality rate or life expectancy stuff. It's too hard to deal with. I don't want that invisible clock over my head, even though it's not the truth of the matter. Regardless, I don't want any of it right now. It's not so much denial as it's too much big events and news in the last couple of months. I want to keep on going forward with this positive vibe, this hope, and this optimism. At least I have it and I want to keep it. But the consultation in the cancer ward still scares me to no end. It's like an event where I'm judged, even though it's not really like that, and these people are expert and here to help me. But I cannot feel anything else, and can't help it. So, waiting for the Monday to come, and I'm thinking of saying few words before this oncologist starts, saying that I already know the mortality rates, I have a child on the way, I'm stressed out, I want the positive news, let's focus on that and later on we can advance because I'm just not in the state for bad news or average life spans right now. Hopefully he or she will understand and we can go from there.

[Pekka]

... and if they insist on giving me the pessimistic view just so I can then fight it, and "win" their estimates, I'll just probably drive my fist inside their mouths.

[Tiamat]

Very sorry to hear this news. Keeping a good postive mental attitude really is important. When I used to work in nursing it's amazing how a positive outlook can really change the course of things as well as your diet. Eating heathly foods etc... well I'm sure you've had the schpeeellll But it really is important and keeping people around you that are positive as well. Good luck.

[Pekka]

Very sorry to hear this news. Keeping a good postive mental attitude really is important. When I used to work in nursing it's amazing how a positive outlook can really change the course of things as well as your diet. Eating heathly foods etc... well I'm sure you've had the schpeeellll But it really is important and keeping people around you that are positive as well. Good luck.

Yeah, maintaining positive attitude is a challenge, but I'm getting better at it. I think that I will beat this. And I'm definitely more health conscious now, as is my SO who is pregnant (but also a gym rat, so comes naturally to her).

It's amazing how awareness changes. I can spot a negative attitude from a mile away. And what happens to those people? They attract all kinds of problems and more negativity. I'm not talking about the law of attraction new age thingie here. But when I got back from the surgery the first time, I was so happy. I noticed, that everyone around me, including people I don't know like grocery store staff etc would respond positively around me. When ever I'd do business, they'd look into my eyes and smile. I clearly noticed it and regarded it as something new and significant. But it was not magic, it was just that I was very very positive in a natural and comfortable way that they could see and feel, and not in a pretentious way.

Anyway, I had an excellent Friday, made a business deal that should pay for the rent for the whole year and then some, so I think I just doubled my income. Most of it goes to company building, but I had some good fortune and I hope to keep the ball rolling And yes, I'm definitely going to beat this... or at least survive it.