So, I have a tumor

[Pekka]

On Sunday, I was watching TV with my gf as I fell asleep. I woke up as paramedics were asking if I knew who the president was. It turned out I had a pretty good seizure. I had been unconscious for 6 minutes, and bit my tongue like my life dependend on it. Needless to say it's pretty sore now.

I was rushed into the hospital in an ambulance, and went straight to get some pictures taken. It looked right away that I have a tumor in my brain. Then I got some other magnetic pics taken which are better, and now it really looked like I have a brain tumor. The doc said that it looks like it's not ... the bad one but a good one. However, it's still a tumor and it's kind of big and in a difficult place to operate. Meaning that they will operate and take it off, but it's a sizeable chunk and also next to some important bits.

So I'm kind of scared. At first, I take it as good stuff. As in yeah, it's not the bad kind, but then, ****, what's the good kind? It can still turn malicious, it can still come back. It just doesn't kill me right now.

The weirdest part is that I don't feel any pain. Never did. No symptoms, except that seizure. My feelings go up and down. I'm fighting to have a good morale, but sometimes I feel pretty lonely and miserable, as if this might be it. Somebody is going to put a knife inside my brain. By default that cannot be a great thing. They will do it early next year as I'm doing fairly fine now anyway so it can wait a bit.

My gf is totally wrecked even though she doesn't show it to me. Her father passed away of cancer just some years ago and she is very much traumatized by it even today. She hates the word even... so much that we have to change a channel on TV should it appear. So now this. She has been standing by me strong and been a rock. Without her, things would be truly miserable but now they are bareable.

It sucks to see how people react. They... maybe they get scared. But my co-workers pretty much wrote me off the second I told them. It was like OMG, drop us a message if you need anything, no no no don't bother doing anything just... maybe we'll see some day. You know? It feels bad. I guess I have my priorities straight. My business is going to crappers now. But does it matter? NO. It means nothing. All that matters is living healthy and happy. Living with the people you love. Nothing else matters.

I wish you much fortune and health. I hope that I survive this one alive and if not 100 %, then at least some what OK. If not, I had a good ride.

[Asher]

Wow, Pekka. Very sorry to hear this, but at the same time it sounds like it's not cancerous (I'm assuming this is what the "good kind" is?), which is terrific news even though I'm sure it doesn't seem that way when they need to operate anyway.

Best of luck and keep us informed. I'll be pulling for you.

[Japher]

Sorry to hear about this. I'm certain SC will live on. Keep your morale up and focus on the positives; like your gf.

On a side note; do you have any super powers that you know of? Sometimes tumors give super powers, like in Phenomenon

[Imran Siddiqui]

[SlowwHand]

What is the schedule for the surgery? God be with you, Pekka.

[Pekka]

Thanks Asher, Japher.

Yes it's nto cancerous. That's what it looks like, they can't know for sure until they get it under their microscopes though, and that's after operation. But it looks that it's the good kind.

THis brings me to the positive point, there's always like a 1 % chance that operation is successful and it doesn't come back and that was that. The neurosurgeon even said that if it's very successful, I can leave the hospital the next day with only a scar as a memory and that I have to come back twice a year for a control check.

THis is of course what we're hoping for but that's always unlikely, so I guess I'm preparing mentally for something worse, more likely scenario.

You will be glad to know that this is not life threatning, at least not yet. It is GOOD that they CAN operate it. If it was any bigger, they couldn't operate it anymore or they'd likely paralyze me in the process and some other nasty stuff. But now, they have a shot at taking care of it. Also, as I don't feel any nausea or have any symptoms other than seizure due to pressure and electricity in the brain, it is possible that after the surgery, no extra symptoms develop.

But still everything is different now. I came home. You know, last time I was on my sofa, I had no idea. Last time I was in front of this computer, I was happy going, a bit stressed perhaps but still. Now, I will be grateful if I can continue a normal life as long as possible. I'd really rather have them operating anywhere else. People are like that I guess, touchy about the inside of their heads.

[Pekka]

Sloww, no set date yet, should be in January.

[notyoueither]

I hope everything goes well for you, Pekka.

[Pekka]

It's so funny, just a few days ago I was here raving about some taxes... seems really important right now, eh. For me, naturally.

I'm trying to avoid feeling sorry for myself. At times I get this good feeling, this "I'll beat this!!". It's just that... even though I think I'll make it out alive, I don't know what'll happen to me afterwards. I might lose hearing, sight, personality might change... I might get all kinds of stuff should the knife go wrong. That's what scares me, and then the controls afterwards, if I should develop cancerous version there.

I guess I have not settled yet. Mentally, this is an interesting process. The clarity in which things are put into new subjective perspective is truly amazing. It is simply astonishing. I have been writing here about this now but somehow I can't talk this with my friends, at least not yet. I can only talk about this with my gf.

[rah]

Good luck and be thankful they found it now. Before it was too late. So celebrate it.

[Pekka]

rah, yep! Because it was totally without symptoms, without the seizure... I'd be still going on, raving about taxes, and the tumor might be getting bigger and soon they might not be able to take care of it in theory either. Now, there's a chance, and it's not a bad chance at that.

[Patroklos]

This will simply be another win in a long line of victories for the supercitizen.

[Riesstiu IV]

[Guynemer]

Godspeed, SC.

[Lorizael]

Wow. That's pretty terrible. Good luck.

As I see it, you have five options:

1. Operate.
2. Don't operate, and live out the rest of your as if nothing has changed.
3. Don't operate, and live like there's no tomorrow.
4. Kill yourself.
5. Kill yourself, and have your body cryonically preserved.