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  • #31
    Originally posted by rah
    When I was in college, I started working at a resturant as a dishwasher. Within a year I had bussed, waited, cooked, and played host. So seemingly over qualified shouldn't be an issue.
    If you ask snoopy, you need to be skilled in all of those areas.
    "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
    Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

    Comment

    • #32
      Looks like special English. I'd give him an interview.
      “As a lifelong member of the Columbia Business School community, I adhere to the principles of truth, integrity, and respect. I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.”
      "Capitalism ho!"

      Comment

      • #33
        Re: Job Applications gone wrong

        Originally posted by Ninot
        .


        Hi! I just saw your craiglist ad, and I'd be monumentally ecstatic if I got the job! My name is Pekka by the way. ^_^ No wait, I lied. I mean I was mistaken, I never lie! Well that's not true. Anyways, I actually didn't see this on craiglist, I rather saw an application and it sparked my interest about your restaurant. I've always liked restaurants.

        I have a few questions,

        First, what are the available hours?

        And second, where exactly are you located at?

        Here is my resume:

        Resume


        Name: Pekka
        Phone xxxxxxxx
        Address: xxxxxxx
        E-mail: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


        Summary

        So this is sort of the executive summary. Because you're an executive, and this is for you! Yeah dude. Exciting, huh? Can't be bothered to write more, I've done too many abstracts already so whatever blaablaablaa check this **** out...


        Experience

        I've worked in several companies before, mostly in the field of ICT. I have programming experience, I handle C, C++, Java, Python and Symbian. Some scripting **** as well. I hate all of these, I have pure hatred for programming these days. I would rather suck miles worth of penises than write a single line of code. Or even design algorithms, or information systems, PERIOD. **** it! So basically that, plus all kinds of working experiences, I've been a superior and all kinds of crap. I've got experience in hacking as well which I'd like to consider myself an expert, both via network and physical intrusion. I guess you could consider these basic tools of trades for an industrial spy. Oh well, what the ****, I do it. Legally though. What else? Oh yeah, currently I'm in academia and I hate it so much that I sometimes think about killing myself.

        Education

        School name: All kinds of Universities.


        Yeah yeah, a bit short from my doctorate degree. Not sure if I'll ever complete it. I hate that ****ing **** so bad I could just go and walk in nude one day and wrestle with the security. Do you like nude wrestling? If you do, I'm your man. I've got experience in MMA, lots of it, plus what else? Does army count? Did that sucker also. I'm very friendly, except if you piss me off. I will rip your ****ing head apart right about then. Other than that? A really nice person.

        Interests


        Women, computer games (strategy), conquering the world, domination of some species, motorcycles, hacking, booze, weird literature (I've got walls filled with all kinds of weird stuff!!! Don't worry, you wouldn't understand them anyway), photography and... I don't know, whatever. Nudity.

        Keyword Summary

        These are the words that I believe describe me best:

        Weird, smart, tired, pissed off, upset, problematic, easy, excellent deception skills, human lie detector, can put the heat on both mentally as well as physically, skilled, unhappy and broke. Perhaps also majorly depressed.

        There you have it! I hope you consider me,

        Pekka.

        ps. If you are considering me for a position, please be aware that I might be trapped in my apartment for quite a few weeks. Maybe you could schedule an interview at my place? If so, please do not be afraid, you do not need a tetanus shot, it's a bit messy but it's usually very clean. I'm just troubled. Also, I might be too afraid to let you in, so remember the possibility of rescheduling.

        Also, I might not be motivated washing your dishes, but I promise to do it in a fashion you are not used to. Perhaps in the nude, I don't know. I can also throw out customers causing ruckus. I would also like to have weaponry.

        In da butt.
        "Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
        THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
        "God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.

        Comment

        • #34
          You're hired, Pekka!
          Apolyton's Grim Reaper 2008, 2010 & 2011
          RIP lest we forget... SG (2) and LaFayette -- Civ2 Succession Games Brothers-in-Arms

          Comment

          • #35
            You know I've never failed to get the job when I've been invited to an interview? Be afraid. Ninot should hire me on the spot. I work for basic salary and daily hugs and "Pekka, you are awesome" talks. That's all I need. Will work nude if possible.
            In da butt.
            "Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
            THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
            "God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.

            Comment

            • #36
              Pekka
              DISCLAIMER: the author of the above written texts does not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for any offence and insult; disrespect, arrogance and related forms of demeaning behaviour; discrimination based on race, gender, age, income class, body mass, living area, political voting-record, football fan-ship and musical preference; insensitivity towards material, emotional or spiritual distress; and attempted emotional or financial black-mailing, skirt-chasing or death-threats perceived by the reader of the said written texts.

              Comment

              • #37
                WTFColon
                "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

                Comment

                • #38
                  WTFCTM
                  DISCLAIMER: the author of the above written texts does not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for any offence and insult; disrespect, arrogance and related forms of demeaning behaviour; discrimination based on race, gender, age, income class, body mass, living area, political voting-record, football fan-ship and musical preference; insensitivity towards material, emotional or spiritual distress; and attempted emotional or financial black-mailing, skirt-chasing or death-threats perceived by the reader of the said written texts.

                  Comment

                  • #39
                    WTFCTM™
                    "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                    Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

                    Comment

                    • #40
                      Trademarks
                      DISCLAIMER: the author of the above written texts does not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for any offence and insult; disrespect, arrogance and related forms of demeaning behaviour; discrimination based on race, gender, age, income class, body mass, living area, political voting-record, football fan-ship and musical preference; insensitivity towards material, emotional or spiritual distress; and attempted emotional or financial black-mailing, skirt-chasing or death-threats perceived by the reader of the said written texts.

                      Comment

                      • #41
                        Colons
                        You just wasted six ... no, seven ... seconds of your life reading this sentence.

                        Comment

                        • #42
                          You should hire that guy. And Pekka if the first guy doesn't work out.

                          Comment

                          • #43
                            Update: I suggested him to my boss, simply so I could meet the man who produced this CV. At worst, I'll meet a valiant guy.

                            Pekka, I'd hire you in a second Only if you worked nude though.
                            Resident Filipina Lady Boy Expert.

                            Comment

                            • #44
                              Apolyton Civilization Site
                              http://apolyton.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=158469
                              THEY!!111 OMG WTF LOL LET DA NOMADS AND TEH S3D3NTARY PEOPLA BOTH MAEK BITER AXP3REINCES
                              AND TEH GRAAT SINS OF THERE [DOCTRINAL] INOVATIONS BQU3ATH3D SMAL
                              AND!!1!11!!! LOL JUST IN CAES A DISPUTANT CALS U 2 DISPUT3 ABOUT THEYRE CLAMES
                              DO NOT THAN DISPUT3 ON THEM 3XCAPT BY WAY OF AN 3XTARNAL DISPUTA!!!!11!! WTF

                              Comment

                              • #45
                                Old thread about a douchebag. Completely different topic.

                                This guy is valiant
                                Resident Filipina Lady Boy Expert.

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