Women - Pretentious or Prudish?

[Jon Miller]

Once more, I think that I am looking for something different than Monk is looking for.

JM

[Monk]

Originally posted by Jon Miller
Once more, I think that I am looking for something different than Monk is looking for.

JM

My point applies to everybody who's getting married with the implication of not sleeping with anybody else. What are you looking for?

Oh, and thanks Imran.

[Lancer]

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/divorce-unwed-parents-may-cost-billions/20080415093309990003

The cost of marriage being "less special" in DanS terms.

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by Monk


My point applies to everybody who's getting married with the implication of not sleeping with anybody else. What are you looking for?

Oh, and thanks Imran.

I have lived 27 years a virgin. I am not concerned with the possibility that my wife is less interested in sex than I.

If she was likewise a virgin (not likely, and I am not looking for one) than it would make sense that she wouldn't be concerned about me being less interested in sex than her.

The issue is, are you having a relationship so that you can have sex? (which seems silly from either my perspective or the try before you buy perspective) Or are you having a relationship where sex is used for bonding and becoming closer?

Jon Miller
(My interest in sex is very high, so excluding a few kinks I am not concerned with the possibility of marrying someone who is more interested in sex than I)

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by Lancer

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/divorce-unwed-parents-may-cost-billions/20080415093309990003

The cost of marriage being "less special" in DanS terms.

This sort of thinking (I think, I just skimmed a couple paragraphs) is why I am in favor of marriage (including the homosexual type, although obviously the heterosexual type is more important (because of issues of child bearing)).

JM

[Monk]

Originally posted by Jon Miller
I have lived 27 years a virgin. I am not concerned with the possibility that my wife is less interested in sex than I.

If she was likewise a virgin (not likely, and I am not looking for one) than it would make sense that she wouldn't be concerned about me being less interested in sex than her.

Why does the second part make sense, exactly? I can assure you there's a great many ladies out there who are frustrated their dude of choice is happy with just a roll once in a full moon.

Anyway, on the issue of sex as bonding and getting closer, that's the exact reason why a lack of sexual compatability hurts any relationship badly because then that stuff just won't happen and you wouldn't know before you... but okay, I suppose I'm just repeating myself now.

[KrazyHorse]

Originally posted by LordShiva


Not quite; it's *2.54. I'm 194cm/6'4".

Yeah. You're one big Indian.

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by Monk


Why does the second part make sense, exactly? I can assure you there's a great many ladies out there who are frustrated their dude of choice is happy with just a roll once in a full moon.

Anyway, on the issue of sex as bonding and getting closer, that's the exact reason why a lack of sexual compatability hurts any relationship badly because then that stuff just won't happen and you wouldn't know before you... but okay, I suppose I'm just repeating myself now.

The issue is one of not being self centered. If I am looking to make my partner happy, rather than looking for my own happiness only, then I will do what is necessary to please my partner. So if that means having sex more often, ,less often, or just as often as I would like... that is OK.

I look for a partner who is likewise. This is important for all aspects of the relationship, not just sex. You aren't going to find someone who perfectly wants to do whatever you want them to at all times in your life. That person doesn't exist. The fact that so many people are looking for such a person is why people get devorced/cheat/etc so often.

Besides it is just wrong to place sex above all other aspects of the relationship. To base the relationship on sex, rather than have it be a supporting (and very important) aspect of the relationship is just asking for trouble, because sex isn't the most important thing in life and doesn't stay as such for most people throughout their lives (although it is very important at times, particularly when young).

Depending on the reason why someone is a virgin, can be a sign of their views. It can show that they are willing to sacrifice and control themselves. It can also show that there is something very wrong/unattractive about them.

Jon Miller

[KrazyHorse]

Sex is not the most important thing in life, but it is the most important thing in marriage.

[KrazyHorse]

At least until there are children to be raised.

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by KrazyHorse
Sex is not the most important thing in life, but it is the most important thing in marriage.

You are still young. It isn't likely to be in 10 years. Additionally, even if it is the most important... that doesn't mean that it is more important than everything else combined.

JM
(Although I think it is always very important.)

[LordShiva]

Sex is an important part of marriage (I imagine), as are things like personality, religious views, and other types of compatibility. So why are couples expected to wait until after marriage to experience sex when it's expected that they establish teh other types of compatibility beforehand?

[Jon Miller]

What do I want from a marriage:
1. Someone to be intimate with.
2. Someone to love and be loved by.
3. Someone to trust and be trusted by.
4. Someone to care for and to care for me.
5. Someone to have a family with.

While I agree that sex is involved with 1. & 5. & 4. (& maybe 2.) and so is inherent in a marriage/relationship... I do think that the emphasis on great sex is ignoring the point.

JM

[Arrian]

I don't think people are emphasizing "great" sex. I think they are arguing that people can be sexually incompatible and that it's hard to know in advance.

I don't know. I didn't wait for marriage, and it was a good thing in my case. YMMV.

-Arrian

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by LordShiva
Sex is an important part of marriage (I imagine), as are things like personality, religious views, and other types of compatibility. So why are couples expected to wait until after marriage to experience sex when it's expected that they establish teh other types of compatibility beforehand?

I am not saying that couples necessarily should wait. I am saying that the 'try before you buy' approach, which focuses on activity of sex, misses the point of marriage (as I see it).

Of course, I know that you and I see things very different. There are many reasons for this. I am just stating what I am looking for in marriage, and why sex isn't high on the list of things to 'try' before marriage.

JM