Does anyone know anything about a repressed libido?

[Flubber]

Anything done between truly consenting adults is fine in my book

personally I think some of you are thinking this to death. Try to get laid if you want . . . Don't if you don't want. There is nothing wrong with either choice.

I like sex. I like it a lot actually and I think that people that reject it might be missing out. But hey, I hate coffee and all those coffee lovers out there probably think I am missing out with my refusal to drink it. Ain't diversity grand??

So have fun with sex OR don't. Either choice can be right.


Oh and if you desire sex, you can always have it even if it might be a solo exercise.

[Ben Kenobi]

Women want a man who is experienced, but how can I get experienced when women don't want inexperienced men?

Hang out with some different folks, Dis. There are girls out there who don't mind guys who are less experienced, you just need to run across the right one.

[Dis]

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi


Hang out with some different folks, Dis. There are girls out there who don't mind guys who are less experienced, you just need to run across the right one.

I think I may have found one (see my above post about disregarding all my previous posts ). It's still kind of early to tell. But I think she may be interested in me. I work with her. So I have time to feel her out (I don't mean that sexually- not yet at least). I generally don't like asking women out I work with. I did that before, and she said no, but I still had to see her nearly every day. Kind of uncomfortable. So I want to make sure first.

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi


Hang out with some different folks, Dis. There are girls out there who don't mind guys who are less experienced, you just need to run across the right one.

Some girls would find your inexperience endearing


And you are not inexperienced for long. If you have a very open attitude to having her assist you, its usually no problem. Just do a "do you like this or THIS?" -- Is higher better or lower??-- etc etc-- Every woman has different likes and dislikes and taking the time to learn/experiment will serve you well.

Then when you meet the special someone and start having sex, you usually have a lot of it and get better at it quickly.

OH and if I had one piece of advice, it would be "gentle and slow, gentle and slow"-- Follow that and she'll end up giving you indications when to get more aggressive. I don't think any guy went wrong with this type of approach

[Dis]

Originally posted by Flubber


Some girls would find your inexperience endearing


And you are not inexperienced for long. If you have a very open attitude to having her assist you, its usually no problem. Just do a "do you like this or THIS?" -- Is higher better or lower??-- etc etc-- Every woman has different likes and dislikes and taking the time to learn/experiment will serve you well.

Then when you meet the special someone and start having sex, you usually have a lot of it and get better at it quickly.

OH and if I had one piece of advice, it would be "gentle and slow, gentle and slow"-- Follow that and she'll end up giving you indications when to get more aggressive. I don't think any guy went wrong with this type of approach

hmm, I was talking with this one woman I sometimes work with. She complains that guys always say they'll be gentle. But she doesn't want it gentle. She wants it rough. but of course every woman is different. She has a "strong" personality. I'll leave it at that.

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Dis


hmm, I was talking with this one woman I sometimes work with. She complains that guys always say they'll be gentle. But she doesn't want it gentle. She wants it rough. but of course every woman is different. She has a "strong" personality. I'll leave it at that.

Then you get rough-- simple--- But when you are inexperienced it is probably better to err on the side of gentleness. Until you get to know what she likes.

Its the same way with a girl you want to see a lot of in the future where the early sex is pretty straightforward. You might not bring out your kinkier side until you get to know her

[Theben]

Originally posted by johncmcleod

Normally, I feel pretty cheery. I don't feel unhappy. However, there is nothing in the world that makes me any happier than normal. I don't have any interests or any hobbies. I go to school, I go home and do homework, and I space off. That is pretty much all I do. But normally I don't feel unhappy or depressed. Most of the time I'm in a good mood, and I smile a lot. I function well. So I don't think it is depression, I think it is just that I am really boring.

Ah, this sums it up nicely. I can say that, without a doubt*, not only are you suffering from depression, but the strongest and worst kind. You see, most people have "normal" levels of emotional well-being thruout their lives and some from time to time get depressed. You, OTOH, don't have that happen to you b/c you're depressed all the time. You function at a lower level of happiness at all times and therefore never notice the depression, b/c you've always been that way. It's difficult to notice and even harder to get rid of- tough luck, kiddo. But it CAN be done.


disclaimer: I could be completely wrong. Why haven't you gone to a therapist yet?

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Dis
It's weird though. Until I developed this crush recently, most of my feelings towards women were long dormant (for a few years). Yeah I still thought about sex constantly, but not a relationship. A lot of things have re-activated recently. This past month has been good to me. I still don't have a girlfriend. But I feel pretty good about myself.

Excellent

Nothing a right dose of hormone won't do

[johncmcleod]

This thread has kinda died, so I apologize for reactivating it, but I haven't had time to respond.

First, my problem is if I get attracted to a girl, I get really awkward around her and it makes things weird. I know I can't act on it, yet in my mind I want to, and I make hopeless dreams about being with this person and sort of self-consciously start sending I'm interested signals, along with the awkwardness. The whole thing is just a bad deal. Does anyone have any advice?

Ah, this sums it up nicely. I can say that, without a doubt*, not only are you suffering from depression, but the strongest and worst kind. You see, most people have "normal" levels of emotional well-being thruout their lives and some from time to time get depressed. You, OTOH, don't have that happen to you b/c you're depressed all the time. You function at a lower level of happiness at all times and therefore never notice the depression, b/c you've always been that way. It's difficult to notice and even harder to get rid of- tough luck, kiddo. But it CAN be done.

I'm afraid I completely disagree. First off, I exaggurate when I write. When I say nothing makes me happy, I mean I have no set hobbies or interests. However, if you get me in a non-competitive pickup game for any sport where I am at a level comparable to the players, I can have fun. And sometimes when I am with friends I have fun. And when I say I get depressed, that is probably a strong word. I mean I am just in a bad mood. And everyone gets in bad moods. But usually if I am around people I like I'll forget about it soon. And I don't get in a bad mood often, it is usually just when I am alone, a lot of the time on a weekend, which probably has to do with me not knowing how to handle not having to do work; or when something happens that reminds me of my sexual incompetence. But I think this happens to all teens, there isn't anything abnormal about it.

That is the problem. There isn't base to this theory. I am happy most of the time, yet this isn't really happiness, it is me just used to depression? You could say that about anyone, you could say anyone's happiness is just being used to depression. And even if you are right, so what? Why fix something that isn't broke? If I feel happy and function well, I don't understand how I have a problem and need help.

And that is why I haven't saught I therapist. I see no reason to get help, and I think you all are off-base. If I was having trouble functioning or was feeling unhappy, I would, but this isn't the case. In addition, therapy is expensive and time-consuming (and I am extremely busy), would make things weird at home (shocked parents, etc.), and is probably ineffective.

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by johncmcleod
This thread has kinda died, so I apologize for reactivating it, but I haven't had time to respond.

Don't worry, there are veteran thread necromancers around

Originally posted by johncmcleod
First, my problem is if I get attracted to a girl, I get really awkward around her and it makes things weird. I know I can't act on it, yet in my mind I want to, and I make hopeless dreams about being with this person and sort of self-consciously start sending I'm interested signals, along with the awkwardness. The whole thing is just a bad deal. Does anyone have any advice?

You think way too much about certain things - don't. If you like a girl, don't think about it. Don't think "what if she doesn't like me" etc etc. Banish all of that. I know, it's tough - so you need practice

If you stop thinking about it you will stop being self-conscious.

Are you having fun? Good - keep doing it.

Originally posted by johncmcleod
That is the problem. There isn't base to this theory. I am happy most of the time, yet this isn't really happiness, it is me just used to depression?

No. Tubbi seems to be right here. The average person isn't happy all the time. If you don't seem to experience a whole range of emotions: happiness, sorrow, anger, excitement, etc. Go see a professional.

[johncmcleod]

Of course I experience a range of human emotions. Most of the time, I am in a cheery, good mood. I smile, function well, and am happy. Sometimes I feel sad and lonely. Sometimes I get irritated by people. Sometimes I get excited. I have a wider range than some happy, well-functioning individuals I know well. Like I knew this one guy who seem to had life figured out, and was happy all of the time. He was always happy, I never saw him get mad or worked up about anything. And it wasn't just on the surface. I knew him well, and talked to him a lot, and he definitely didn't feel like he was depressed. He actually felt like he had life for him pretty much figured out. He'd read some books (notably Awareness by Anthony de Mello) and had his own little life-philosophy worked out. I know other people that rarely get excited or angry or worked up in anyway, and it is because they are cool, laid back people that let stuff go. They aren't depressed. So I agree with the whole premise of what you said.

[LordShiva]

Originally posted by Urban Ranger
Don't worry, there are veteran thread necromancers around

Where???

[chequita guevara]

[johncmcleod]

I am curious as to why this year old thread was resurrected. I may have to post a new one that's similar though, this situation has gotten so much worse in the last year, especially in these first two months of college. I had a way better personality and social skills a while ago, but after frequently telling myself I didn't have these things (which I didn't really believe that much, mostly I just did it for attention and so people would disagree and then compliment me), it started to have an effect. Now it has forced me to become more like that, and I actually believe in what I say now, and it hurts to say it. So basically I went from a really likeable, though immature and an attention-whore, guy who wouldn't be able to (nor was the type who would or would want to) 'score' with girls, but could still socialize with them easy and maybe make friendships, into who I am now-a huge loser who can't make friends, much less make female friends, much less ever get any kind of non-platonic attention. And I only see things getting worse in college, and not to mention that I will be physically unable to date until completion of grad school at the age of 30 or older, and by then it'll be too late. But at least I haven't been guilty of posting on poly too much.

[Ari Rahikkala]

Originally posted by johncmcleod
The libido is an entirely selfish desire. There is no love in lust. The two are entirely separate things, which is why eliminating lust will not harm love. Relationships are supposed to be entirely platonic. They are supposed to be two people that love and care for each other and truly wish each other happiness. The libido is entirely different from this. It is an entirely selfish desire. Both males and females have it, so they want to feel sexual pleasure. It has nothing to do with the other person. Though some may claim it is about 'expressing affection for the one you love' this is bull****. It has nothing to do with that. That is simply another name for the desire to ****. So the problem with the libido is that it throws another dimension into the relationship that is not selfless, it is selfish. No matter how you act upon this desire, no matter how much you care about the other person, no matter how selfless you are in having sex, the fact is that you have this selfish desire, and you want it. There is no getting around this. It is a selfish desire that does not involve the other person at its core. And this differs from the other aspects of a healthy relationship, which is why the libido is not a good thing to have.

Read the Wealth of Nations or something. Perhaps you'd understand the formulation in terms of economic theory: Two rational selfish subjects freely enter a contract that benefits both of them. Isn't that how love works?