Does anyone know anything about a repressed libido?

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Spiffor
All this points to a lack of self-confidence, for which there is no miracle cure.

Yup, that seems to be the case here. Ted Striker ( ) has also suggested some ways to overcome this lack.

Volunteer work can be quite miraculous

[Kuciwalker]

Originally posted by Spiffor
What? You downloaded it off Emule?

HER, Spiffor, not it

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Jaguar
I'm not nervous around any of them (well, maybe a little nervous around Caroline )

You too jag? Long long time ago when I was young and naive, there was a Caroline that did the same thing to me.

BTW, lovely avatar

[johncmcleod]

One quick word of advice is that you shouldn't obsess over a single girl and destroy your self-confidence around her. Trust me, there will be plenty of girls way out of your league. No need to elevate one girl, because you will end up holding her in a much-much-higher regard than she holds you. (She might think you're a pretty good guy, she might even like you, but there's no way she spends hours and hours thinking about you.)

I agree. I know what I am doing is bad. My problem is that I don't know how to not do this. I do it naturally and can't help it. However, your idea about making myself consider all of the different girls I'd have a relationship with might help me.

One piece of advice - get rejected . Simply put , try go get rejected at least ten or fifteen times . That way , the fear of rejection is gone forever . Then it'll all be automatic .

But I don't hit on girls. I try to get closer to whichever one I'm interested in, in a friendly way, but usually I go about it so poorly that it fails. Recently I am doing better in this regard because I have been consciously forcing myself to relax and to not overdo things. This has been helping me not screw things up, but I don't know if it is moving me forward much. But in the current situation, moving things forward is not nearly as important as not screwing things up, because I don't want to ruin a friendship that is already there.

As far as the depression goes, I agree with Jaguar. You don't know me well enough. Most of the time I think I'm happy. I'm never grumpy, and I smile a lot. Sometimes, though, when I'm alone and thinking about stuff, I can feel pretty bad and think and say a lot of despressing ****. Or whenever I see the girl I'm interested in and get a reality check (that I don't mean as much to her as I'd like, that she's interested in other guys, that the relationship I dream of having with her will never happen, etc.), that usually hurts a lot. But other than that I think I'm pretty okay. So I don't think I have depression.

But my main question is how do I not obsess over one particular girl? It is unhealthy. Like I usually won't even consider other girls other than the one I am interested in. As in I won't even feel very atracted towards them, and if I had the opportunity to start a relationship with any of them, I probably would say "I only like you as a friend." and think about how badly I wish I was with the girl I'm obsessed over. That is my problem, I believe.

[johncmcleod]

Oh, and as far as the getting bored with stuff goes, that has been happening to me with hobbies for a long time. Since I was a lot younger, I believe. I think it just has to do with the fact that I am inactive. For example, if I am with my family and have the opportunity to go out for dinner or stay at home and eat worse food, I'd stay at home because I don't like the idea of having to go somewhere. So I think it is just that I am a really boring, inactive person. A boring person is someone who thinks everything is boring. And that's me. I am just a boring person.

And additionally, I'd like to add that my rhetoric is probably stronger than how I feel about myself. When I write, I tend to exaggurate without knowing the implications or extent of what I'm saying. Like when I say I am a boring person. You might read this and think that I am self-loathing, but I don't say I'm boring and feel bad about myself for it. I am comfortable with it. I just think I'm boring, and I don't emotionally have any problem with this. It is just the way I am. And I usually feel bad about myself only when I sit down and really think about it. And even then, I usually have to be in a bad mood to begin with.

[johncmcleod]

One last thing. As far the social anxiety thing goes, I've been working on it and I think it'll be find. I just force myself to relax be laid back, and I won't get so nervous. However, the only way I can do this I have to purposely slow everything down and not spend a lot of energy. It takes some self-control, and when I talk to people I guess I seem more normal and I think overall there are positive effects in my interactions with people (they are less awkward), but I seem like I'm running really low on energy, and I seem really boring, and I just seem socially out of touch. I will usually speak up at the wrong time and say the wrong thing. It seems like an issue of self-control, I mean I'll say the stupid things that go through your head that aren't necessary to say (I've always had a problem with that, though, discerning when to speak and when to keep quite. This is a problem because when I get going and am comfortable I am really chatty and I have to be the center of attention and the one talking (I can't help it, when I'm insecure I am too self-conscious to do this, but when I'm comfortable I lose the self control), so I just say everything that goes through my head, which most of the time isn't worth saying). Anyway, I will just seem like someone who doesn't really belong with the group or is fun to be with, but someone who is just kind of there.

[Sphinx871]

The best advice I can offer is give the URL of this thread to the girl in question, so she can see what a complete nut you truly are and run for the hills. Then she won't be a problem any more.

It'd also be wise to go to Barnes and Noble and buy "Shut the **** Up" by Dr. Denis Leary.

[joncha]

[Kuciwalker]

[Ted Striker]

Originally posted by Jaguar
I don't think a few posts on a forum are enough for non-medically-qualified people to diagnose anything, frankly. My guess is his only psychological problem is the assumption that he has one.

While you do make a good point, that line about "I don't enjoy ANYTHING" is one of the biggest indicators of depression. It's literally textbook. I mean when you look up the field manual for medical people diagnosing depression, that's going to be in the Top 5.

[Sphinx871]

There's no such thing as depression, just ask Tom Cruise.

[Ted Striker]

[Solomwi]

Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski
And I must say from the girls that i have worked with it is mostly due to the fact that the guy they are dating or married to cannot finish the job for them.

Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski
I didnt masterbuate at that age before nor do i now, Not that i never did but i dont now.

Tubes Striker

[Az]

But I don't hit on girls. I try to get closer to whichever one I'm interested in, in a friendly way, but usually I go about it so poorly that it fails.

No, dude, don't do it! You should hit on girls you're only mildly interested in. If you're anything like what I was ( ok, that seriously sounds like a line from sosuave ) you're probably afraid of hurting that girl's feelings - by doing something like this, you think you're lying to her. You're not. you haven't promised her anything. You haven't commited to anything. You just explore the possibility of a relationship. maybe. or maybe you just want to talk.

[Agathon]

Re: Does anyone know anything about a repressed libido?

Originally posted by johncmcleod
Hypothetically, say you have an 18 year old male. He has never really had any friends that are girls. Once, when he was about 8 or 9, and within the past half year or so he has made another one. But not really that close. A friend, but not a very close one. He has never done anything the slightest bit sexual obviously (never held a girl's hand, never been kissed, and never been on a real date, though he did go to a school dance one time). He also has never looked at porn or masturbated. On top of that, he does not feel close at all to his mother and hasn't since he was a lot younger. Sometimes he has lengthy obsessions over girls he knows that are way out of his league that his friends think are probably kind of weird and a little unhealthy.

Does he suffer from a repressed libido? What are the effects of this? How can it be solved?

And is there a way to eliminate sexual desire? I have heard that there are chemical ways to do it that sex offenders use, but I have heard there are other ways. I've heard you can do it by learning to channel this energy in other ways that make you lose desire. This is what mystics do, and some priests do it too, and I hear it can be done through therapy. This would help him a lot. It would get rid of all of the attachment he has to certain girls, which cause him nothing but anxiety. This anxiety is brought by the feeling of wanting someone and knowing you could never be on the same level as them and get what you want. Knowing that you are just not good enough. And you try and try to be close to them, but all it does is make things worse. Because you are entirely socially inept.

So, any information would be greatly appreciated.

He's gay, and should report himself to the nearest bathhouse.