Does anyone know anything about a repressed libido?

[johncmcleod]

Hypothetically, say you have an 18 year old male. He has never really had any friends that are girls. Once, when he was about 8 or 9, and within the past half year or so he has made another one. But not really that close. A friend, but not a very close one. He has never done anything the slightest bit sexual obviously (never held a girl's hand, never been kissed, and never been on a real date, though he did go to a school dance one time). He also has never looked at porn or masturbated. On top of that, he does not feel close at all to his mother and hasn't since he was a lot younger. Sometimes he has lengthy obsessions over girls he knows that are way out of his league that his friends think are probably kind of weird and a little unhealthy.

Does he suffer from a repressed libido? What are the effects of this? How can it be solved?

And is there a way to eliminate sexual desire? I have heard that there are chemical ways to do it that sex offenders use, but I have heard there are other ways. I've heard you can do it by learning to channel this energy in other ways that make you lose desire. This is what mystics do, and some priests do it too, and I hear it can be done through therapy. This would help him a lot. It would get rid of all of the attachment he has to certain girls, which cause him nothing but anxiety. This anxiety is brought by the feeling of wanting someone and knowing you could never be on the same level as them and get what you want. Knowing that you are just not good enough. And you try and try to be close to them, but all it does is make things worse. Because you are entirely socially inept.

So, any information would be greatly appreciated.

[DRoseDARs]

Best advice: Ask your doctor.

Worst advice: Ask random people on teh Internets.

Middle ground advice: Go to your local library and keep an open mind.

[Last Conformist]

Get a hooker.

[Ted Striker]

I'd go see a therapist.

There sounds like alot of underlying issues that need to be looked at and the feelings about sex is just the most noticable symptom.

The thing about the mother is a key indicator something big is going on.


Show me a girl that hates her Dad, and I'll show you a girl with problems. Not necesarilly her fault, that's just the way it goes. Same thing with boys and their Moms.

[JohnT]

Hypothetically, say you have an 18 year old male. He has never really had any friends that are girls. Once, when he was about 8 or 9, and within the past half year or so he has made another one. But not really that close. A friend, but not a very close one. He has never done anything the slightest bit sexual obviously (never held a girl's hand, never been kissed, and never been on a real date, though he did go to a school dance one time). He also has never looked at porn or masturbated. On top of that, he does not feel close at all to his mother and hasn't since he was a lot younger. Sometimes he has lengthy obsessions over girls he knows that are way out of his league that his friends think are probably kind of weird and a little unhealthy.

Does he suffer from a repressed libido? What are the effects of this? How can it be solved?

****, with the exception of the "unhealthy obsessions", you've pretty much described my high school life. I had abosolutely no desire to participate, and that included dating. I got into college and things changed.

A person has the libido they have. It's not repressed, it's not hyper, it just is. Don't worry about it and don't let other people define what is normal for you, especially in a matter as private as this.

Upon re-reading, I noticed the line about pron... we differed in that respect too.

[Ecthy]

Don't over-analise

[Bosh]

he's obviously gay

[Urban Ranger]

Just start watching porn.

[Pekka]

I see a bit contradiction here, for one, a young male aged 18 (give or take years), never masturbated... it builds up. It's totally normal to want some girls, especially if they are out of your league.

It is also normal to never have done much intimate things with girls at this age, lot of guys talk crap, but unless you're European, odds are you're in the majority anyway.

What you should not think is that you are abnormal, I mean the situation you are in. It's perfectly NORMAL situation. What you need to do is find ways to cope with this all, you need to get on with it and feel good about it, and do what you want. This means, that if you want to get it on with girls, then you must be able to do it, and not get stuck inside your head and never try. Everyone who tries, gets the girl. I don' tmean to sleep necessariy, but in general. It's like driving license. It seems difficult at first, but everyone gets it. Some people just have to try more than others, but everyone gets. FACT.

The never masturbating or seeing porn seems kind of weird though. It's OK to masturbate, it's a release and basically if you keep building it up, I don't know what happens if that happens too long but it's not natural, and it has to lead into weird situation of repression of sexuality, and that leads to insanity. You know, those psycho people who hack their mom into pieces and save their heads for later .. pleasure times. Perfect examples of repressed sexuality..


Just be cool, channel your sexuality by doing sexual things like masturbation first, you know get few practice shots before going with the real thing, and if that's not enough and you don't want to get it on with girls just yet, then physical exercizes, like running, swimming.. try those things. And if you can't get it together with these, then maybe talk to some specialist, and they'll give you a pill so you numb your mind and never get it up again.

[Timexwatch]

Go to state school, drink a little, have a few drunken lays and you'll be fine. Don't worry if you pop really quick, it happens.

I had a lot of issues and was incredibly shy before I went to college, but I did get into a few relationships when I got here. After a few tries I have really gotten better personally and now I am incredibly happy and in a healthy relationship. Everything will work itself out.

P.S. Move out of Coeur d'Alene to someplace else. Soon.

[Pekka]

Also don't fall into the trap of feeling bad or anxiety about the girl situation at your age. Young men always use it as some kind of meter how they're doing with girls as it somehow measures the people they are. Well that's a stupid meter, first of all because most lie to others and themselves how 'good' they are doing, and second of all because it doesn't measure anything really.

About not getting it on with girls out of your league, well I think it's kind of self explinatory. If you want to get on with them girls out of your league, you just raise your own level. But one thing is for sure, you can't ever work it unless you try, those girls won't fall into your lap, you have to work it. There are bound to be lots of misses to be done, but this must not interfere with your attempts. Don't give up. Sooner or later, you'll succeed. It's simple mathematics. The more you try, odds are with you.

The key is to not give up and talk to the girls you want to be with, I mean you have to let them know you are interested and willing to engage and try, so you know if they want to be with you too. If not, hey, no biggie. There are lots of more girls out there. Very simple, but most guys don't really execute this plan, and thus they fail, and result into crap talking.

But you're already one step ahead of all the crap talkers, since you didn't talk crap but came with honesty, so that's a lot more than most of the guys can do. So you have the courage already in your heart, you were able to talk about it, about sexuality and stuff, which is not easy, so you have the balls to move forward. You just need to realize it that you got it already. And when you realize it, others will realize it too. It'll be like this new aura. And it will further help you, you will gain more confidence, you will be just OK..

Just don't get stuck inside your head. You have all the tools and means to succeed. Nothing is missing. Just remember that.

[Pekka]

You know a lot of people who have difficulties at these things (most people), they are usually not comfortable with themselves. So you want to learn about yourself more, get comfortable. What's not to be comfortable about. It's you. That's cool.

Or the other problem is people being TOO self aware, mostly meaning bad self image, almost the same thing as the above. Thinking too much. They need to just **** it and get over it and GO GO GO!!

[Timexwatch]

Originally posted by Pekka
Or the other problem is people being TOO self aware, mostly meaning bad self image, almost the same thing as the above. Thinking too much. They need to just **** it and get over it and GO GO GO!!

Finally you're beginning to make sense.

[johncmcleod]

There's something I forgot to add that might provide more information. I tend to 'get it up' whenever I get touched in the slightest way by a female and can't control it. It is a long story, but like this one time I was down on one knee and a girl was sitting in my lap (obviously not because she wanted to) and I couldn't help it. It started going up and up and up with every heartbeat, until finally it was like an inch from her inner thigh. But right then she stood up and I was saved from utter humiliation. But stuff like this happens all of the time. I also have described as very high-strung.

Get a hooker.

No.

I'd go see a therapist.

There sounds like alot of underlying issues that need to be looked at and the feelings about sex is just the most noticable symptom.

The thing about the mother is a key indicator something big is going on.

I don't know. It is kind of weird. I come from a picture perfect loving, middle class family, and my mom is a very lovable person. Everyone loves her. But to tell you the truth, I feel almost no emotion towards her. As far as therapy goes, I don't want to do that. It would scare the **** out of my parents (and if I wanted to keep it a secret I'd have to pay money), it would take a lot of time and energy and I am so busy with college stuff right now), and I don't think I need it that bad. In other areas I am very high functioning.

****, with the exception of the "unhealthy obsessions", you've pretty much described my high school life. I had abosolutely no desire to participate, and that included dating. I got into college and things changed.

A person has the libido they have. It's not repressed, it's not hyper, it just is. Don't worry about it and don't let other people define what is normal for you, especially in a matter as private as this.

Upon re-reading, I noticed the line about pron... we differed in that respect too.

Oh, the desire is there. I just don't know what to do with it, so it just seems to manifest itself in my daydreams.

he's obviously gay

No, I am straight.

Just start watching porn.

No, it is dehumanizing to women. And plus, I think it would make the problem worse. I think I'd just get more creepy and perverted and unhealthy.

The never masturbating or seeing porn seems kind of weird though. It's OK to masturbate, it's a release and basically if you keep building it up, I don't know what happens if that happens too long but it's not natural, and it has to lead into weird situation of repression of sexuality, and that leads to insanity. You know, those psycho people who hack their mom into pieces and save their heads for later .. pleasure times. Perfect examples of repressed sexuality..


Just be cool, channel your sexuality by doing sexual things like masturbation first, you know get few practice shots before going with the real thing, and if that's not enough and you don't want to get it on with girls just yet, then physical exercizes, like running, swimming.. try those things. And if you can't get it together with these, then maybe talk to some specialist, and they'll give you a pill so you numb your mind and never get it up again.

I don't know. I think masturbation would be a bad idea. Take an obsession over a girl that's already probably unhealthy, starting to masturbate to her (I wouldn't be able to help it, she'd enter my mind) would make things really f***ed up and turn me into a really creepy, unhealthy, pervert.

I'm thinking that I am going to talk to one of my teachers, who is a Jesuit priest, and seeing how he channels the energy so he doesn't have the desire. Or the medication might help. You see, eliminating the desire would be a great idea. All it does is cause me anxiety. If I can get rid of it, I'll start having a lot more healthy relationships with girls without any anxiety at all. And if I need to do it, I could always take myself off the meds or if I wasn't on the meds I'd just do it to please her. I just think there'd be so many advantages to being asexual.

Go to state school, drink a little, have a few drunken lays and you'll be fine. Don't worry if you pop really quick, it happens.

I had a lot of issues and was incredibly shy before I went to college, but I did get into a few relationships when I got here. After a few tries I have really gotten better personally and now I am incredibly happy and in a healthy relationship. Everything will work itself out.

P.S. Move out of Coeur d'Alene to someplace else. Soon.

My top four choices for college are Williams, Amherst, Middlebury, and Dartmouth. No way in hell I'm going to state school.

Or the other problem is people being TOO self aware, mostly meaning bad self image, almost the same thing as the above. Thinking too much. They need to just **** it and get over it and GO GO GO!!

Wisdom comes from self-knowledge. A couple people have told me not to over-analyze, but I am constantly analyzing myself and it has helped me a lot with other things.

I am not nervous about not doing things other guys have done. I'm just nervous that I have a ****ed up sexuality, and that I am so inexperienced and far behind everyone else as far as maturity goes, that I will never be able to have a healthy relationship.

And as far as self-confidence goes, what if I can't stand myself? What if I hate my personality and who I am and wish I could be different? My people skills are pretty lousy. I don't have any close friends, and I am horrible in groups of people. I am trying to change my personality at the moment.

Thanks for everything though.

[Last Conformist]

Being creepy is a bad thing?