why

[boann]

look now i am curious what kind of Man would you like then?

-----intelligent, articulate, gentle, sincere, honest, trustworthy, sober, funny, loves animals, not overly neat, unobsessive, nonmanipulative, uncontroling,
forgiving, accepting...did i say saintlike... lol
i want to fall in love with someone who is my best friend
first...

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What sorts of things did you do to change your patterns?

-----lots of therapy mostly.. the work involved there is
truly looking in the mirror and at my history...
finding the patterns ..finding the triggers .
actually now when i meet someone after just a few
conversations i can tell if they are dancing the same music i used to be attracted to.

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Everything is much easier when you´re two, boann. Sharing thoughts and discussing politics, art, philosophy, movies, etc... To belong to someone and have that someone belong to you.

----true, but i have good friends that i can have those conversations with

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Security.
Constant assurance you are loved and valued.
Company.
Someone to dump everything on when things get tough without worrying they will get sick of it and leave.
Someone to wake you up snoring, leave dirty socks under the bed, play bad music, take possession of the tv, crash in at 3am blind drunk, make half arsed attempts at fry ups when completely hungover......you always miss it when it's gone. Despite loving being single, I can't deny it's lonely sometimes. I reckon all the above are basic human requirements, even if we don't want to admit to them.

--------im secure in myself.
don't need or want constant reasurance.
been there done that... whew..
i know im loveable and valued because i am those things. no one needs to validate that for me.
uh no thanks.. ill do without all of the dirty socks, bad music, tv control issues, drunken slobering sob's
i don't miss that , not one little bit.
basic human requirements..... i don't think so..
seek therapy my friend.

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-Make you nice diners
-Take you out on a nice night
-Empty the groceries from the car
-Cut the grass
-Fix your car
-Fix things around the house
-Give you massages
-Comfort you when you are down
-Give you a different opinion or a different view on anything
-Hold you while watching a scary movie
-Spoon on the couch
-He's a partner for any vacation, activity or sport
-Make you scream like a banchy

ok.. those are pretty good reasons...
but you could do a lot of those with a good friend too.
without having to live with them.

[DeathByTheSword]

also the scream like a banchy part?

[Jon Miller]

making a family together (like children and all that) is the one advantage of being in a relationship

financial security is another (as is emotional security...)

basically I think for relatinoships you have to sacrifice...

Jon Miller

[Verres]

seek therapy my friend.

May not be a bad idea for you too....denial is a terrible thing

[DeathByTheSword]

that is kinda strange to say.

financial security is another (as is emotional security...)

and then

basically I think for relatinoships you have to sacrifice...

that kinda contradicts...what is there to sacrifice if basically all you need in life is emotional security?

[Jon Miller]

you have to sacrifice a lot of your personal comfort or yourself

like having someone (possibly) who snores.. who gets drunk.....who leaves their dirty underwear in the bathroom.... who makes mistakes and pisses you off... who makes you do things you don't want to do... who makes you change basically.

Jon Miller

[DeathByTheSword]

if your emotional stability doesnt change in general after all these things because you are still happy with that person i would say that you dont have to sacrifice anything. a perfect relationship doesnt exist but a happy one does

[dannubis]

Re: why

Originally posted by boann

why do i need a man...?

because you want to ?

[Jon Miller]

I think that is the only good reason..

Jon Milelr

[Agathon]

why do i need a man...?

Because God is a misogynist and this is his idea of a joke.

[boann]

Originally posted by DeathByTheSword
also the scream like a banchy part?

esp that part...

[DeathByTheSword]

freaky

[boann]

Originally posted by Verres


May not be a bad idea for you too....denial is a terrible thing

lol: i am in therapy... im sure i said that

[Jon Miller]

how is therapy?

I am sort of scared of it

but I think I might need it

Jon Miller

[Jon Miller]

<- only member of my family who hasn't tried it at least once

Jon Miller