Helpful Hints from an evil HR person

[Az]

There is a redundancy in the thread title.

[MrFun]

so true

[duke o' york]

Re: Re: Helpful Hints from an evil HR person

Originally posted by Asher

To be fair, I've seen clueless HR people many, many times make job requirements that are impossible.

There's a systems job going at my company, and they put the internal advert up on the notice board that everyone ignores anyway, but they were asking for ridiculous things. There are probably only 3 people in Yorkshire with the required experience of doing exactly what the job is, one has just left Yorkshire, and the other two wouldn't even consider working for a tinpot operation like ours. We reckon they only included that to dissuade anyone from applying internally, and that the job description will have changed a lot by the time they get their butts round to advertising outside.

Originally posted by Ted Striker
I often wonder what life would have been like had I picked that fork in the road.

Well, instead you chose to pick the knife in the road, and were promptly locked up for carrying an offensive weapon in public.

[Skanky Burns]

I would love to do some volunteer work, but full-time study and a full-time job leave little by way of free time for me.

[Spaced Cowboy]

Hmmm...yet you managed to spam your way to deity.

[Ted Striker]

Re: Re: Re: Helpful Hints from an evil HR person

Originally posted by duke o' york


Well, instead you chose to pick the knife in the road, and were promptly locked up for carrying an offensive weapon in public.

[Ben Kenobi]

Agreed with the internship/volunteer work. My volunteer work got me this internship position, which will last for a few months, but give me some data entry stuff to show for others.

So no complaints here.

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by Az
There is a redundancy in the thread title.

Too right. Hints are always helpful, yep.

[Az]

come to think of it, there is an oxymoron in the title, as well.

[alva]

...and an alliteration.

[Pekka]

In here, HR people are often clueless when it comes to IT jobs. It's often some middle aged person who started in the company 20 years ago, had the skills required then, never updated and renewed themselves and thus became obsolete in the company ages ago. They DO think they are still the hottest thing since Funkytown, but they don't even have the basic competence of an IT person, or fundamental knowledge of how stuff works, even in theory. However, they were pretty good workers anyhow, and they had other skills perhaps, and they got bumped to be a HR person in the company.

Now, their adds are usually so visible, as to how much they actually know. I've seen it several times where they want pro experience with for example Java, longer than it's been around. Just like Asher pointed out the similar example. This is super common. ALSO it seems to me, that they are not quite sure what some of the letters and combinations of them means, so they just throw it all there, since they've seen it on other IT job adds.

"You are experienced with Java, C++, .NET, HTML, PHP, JavaScript, Python, Perl, Symbian, DB2.

You are also familiar with UML, IBM and H2O. You have a degree in software engineering (higher) and you have at least 5 years experience in the field. You are also familiar with networking, hardware, monitors and MIS.

In your work you might be using the following:
JRE
JDK
SDK
Photoshop
Microsoft Office
DJGPP
Turbo
IBM
Hewlett and Packard
JBuilder
Cisco IOS's

You will be also giving computer support to our department as needed, and administrating our networks and databases. You are in charge of hardware purchases and updates, and you can TCP/IP.

What we offer:

Flexible working hours (forget 8-5, you're not getting paid for extra hours)
Competitive salary (we'll see how low we can have it, but we're not paying the same as most)
Challenging tasks (impossible schedules, impossible tasks, no resources)
Modern tools (they were modern in '97)
A group of skilled people working as a team (no one has a clue, so we trust you do)

Benefits include:
cell phone (so we can reach you 24/7)
Free use of our recreational facilities (the biggest POS gym you ever seen)
"

Of course I was exaggarating, but not too much. Welcome to today's IT world .

The way to go is to get entry level job at any major company, do your job well, get experience, hopefully work your way up OR at least do networking, and go to another company once you get a chance, working higher level, better salary etc. No shortcuts to happiness.

[aneeshm]

Asher - just curious , what OS does BlueGene run ?

[Ted Striker]

Originally posted by Pekka
In here, HR people are often clueless when it comes to IT jobs. It's often some middle aged person who started in the company 20 years ago, had the skills required then, never updated and renewed themselves and thus became obsolete in the company ages ago. They DO think they are still the hottest thing since Funkytown, but they don't even have the basic competence of an IT person, or fundamental knowledge of how stuff works, even in theory. However, they were pretty good workers anyhow, and they had other skills perhaps, and they got bumped to be a HR person in the company.

Now, their adds are usually so visible, as to how much they actually know. I've seen it several times where they want pro experience with for example Java, longer than it's been around. Just like Asher pointed out the similar example. This is super common. ALSO it seems to me, that they are not quite sure what some of the letters and combinations of them means, so they just throw it all there, since they've seen it on other IT job adds.

"You are experienced with Java, C++, .NET, HTML, PHP, JavaScript, Python, Perl, Symbian, DB2.

You are also familiar with UML, IBM and H2O. You have a degree in software engineering (higher) and you have at least 5 years experience in the field. You are also familiar with networking, hardware, monitors and MIS.

In your work you might be using the following:
JRE
JDK
SDK
Photoshop
Microsoft Office
DJGPP
Turbo
IBM
Hewlett and Packard
JBuilder
Cisco IOS's

You will be also giving computer support to our department as needed, and administrating our networks and databases. You are in charge of hardware purchases and updates, and you can TCP/IP.

What we offer:

Flexible working hours (forget 8-5, you're not getting paid for extra hours)
Competitive salary (we'll see how low we can have it, but we're not paying the same as most)
Challenging tasks (impossible schedules, impossible tasks, no resources)
Modern tools (they were modern in '97)
A group of skilled people working as a team (no one has a clue, so we trust you do)

Benefits include:
cell phone (so we can reach you 24/7)
Free use of our recreational facilities (the biggest POS gym you ever seen)
"

Of course I was exaggarating, but not too much. Welcome to today's IT world .

The way to go is to get entry level job at any major company, do your job well, get experience, hopefully work your way up OR at least do networking, and go to another company once you get a chance, working higher level, better salary etc. No shortcuts to happiness.

Perfect parody

[Asher]

Originally posted by aneeshm
Asher - just curious , what OS does BlueGene run ?

The compute nodes themselves run a custom OS, the administrative nodes run Linux (I/O control, etc). Vast majority of the nodes are compute nodes, and they do all of the actual work.

[Pyrodrew]

Dear evil HR person,

Thanks for calling me in for an interview. However, in the future first read my resume and tell me before we meet that you "never hire anyone who has worked from that company and never will" when that company is clearly listed on my resume. I know you get a nice ego boost to stand on your delusional high horse and in a passive-aggressive manner tell off your Satan you've been creating in your mind during your typically boring day, but that's not your job.

Thanks and hope you get well soon.