Calling film critics

[monolith94]

The fact that it was filmed on dv shows, at least in the low res version (the only one I have the patience to download).

[Graag]

Thanks for the comments monolith, and I commend you on guessing my favourite director (though I've only seen Mulholland Drive 4 times, and still haven't decided if I like it.) You're on the right lines with Blue Velvet, but think more Lost Highway.

A bit of background to the film (i.e. time to wheel out the justifications and excuses)...
We were told to make a 3 minute film about a telephone conversation. Although I had the script done quite early it was easily a 7-10 minute script, and I didn't really plan the film, just shot and edited the thing in a week.

Its apparent utter lack of coherense is partly due to having to cut the film down to 3 and a half minutes, though the original script doesn't have much more in the way of plot

I know the sound sucks, no imagination whatsoever, it took 15 minutes the afternoon I had to hand it in. Easily the worst thing about the film I think. It's not an alarm clock btw, it's a hastily downloaded sound of an old-school phone.

Glad you liked the editing, thats what I am most fond of in the film, particularly as it's my first attempt.

Good point about the cinematography also. Very little thought really put into it, and I left most of the composition to a friend. It would look much less DV like if I had bothered with proper lighting, but I didn't.

Personally, for the amount of effort put into it I'm quite pleased with the result. I'm thinking of re-editing the whole thing to more like the original plan, I think a little more time for the audience to digest what's going down would make the randomness a little more palatable, though it may just make it more boring. Also some haf-decent sound design would make the whole thing way more watchable, and possibly even add to the meaning of the images.

Oh there is meaning in there, somewhere. It seems to have gotten a little lost since the idea's conception, but watching it it means something to me, which is enough to make me happy.

A million thanks for the honesty Monolith, it was long overdue a slagging off. I look forward to hearing your comments on the other project, which is much more conventional but was shot fairly well on 16mm, and at least has a bit of effort put into it.

[monolith94]

no problem graag - the most useful advice is the most honest!
GET RID OF THAT PHONE! For maybe a minute I could stand listening to it, but not for three (I found myself muting the film) and for GOD'S SAKE not for 7!

[Graag]

No **** not for 7 minutes! The phone doesn't actually run the whole 3 mins, in fact you missed a fairly nice sound I created as an experiment a while ago, which runs over the last half of the film. It doesn't really add much, but its a lot better than that friggin phone.

[monolith94]

Let me guess - your second favorite director is Aranofsky?

[Graag]

Yikes! Not at all. I hope my film didn't seem that shallow, or is it just the similarity in surnames?
Pi is stylishly shot Lynch wannabe all over with none of the depth, Requiem is a decent adaptation of a very good book, let down but it's utter lack of characterisation.

[Buck Birdseed]

Oh god, I'm already biased while the film is still downloading. I shouldn't have read the rest of the thread.

Anyway, clear, objective criticism possibly coming up.

[Buck Birdseed]

Hmm.

I'm a big fan of surrealist filmmakers from Bunuel to Lynch and Ozon, and I certainly don't mind disconnected images, tint changes and strange lighting/sound effects (heck, Tarkovski's Solaris is one of my favourite films of all time!), but what I percieve your piece lacks is meaning. Not, necessarily, in the "what is the deep, underlying meaning of this entire film", but each single device- what are they for? What are you trying to convey about fire by making those sections colour rather than black and white? What about the mindset of the character is brought forward by showing him walk along the carpet before getting out of bed? Why does he look out of the window twice? What's the purpose of the final match trick? Why is it relevant to understanding the mindset of the main character? Subtlety is fine, but I'm not sure you've even got a clear purpose in mind.

It seems to me that a lot of what you've done basically revolves around doing film-based tricks for no reason whatsoever, without psychological insight, and since the scenography and lighting wasn't really all that special (underlit looking out the window scene notwithstanding) I'm afraid comparisons with hacks like Aronofsky and Fincher are inevitable.

However, I think you've certainly got a nice, experimental mindset, I quite like the colour/balck and white changes, the phone wouldn't be annoying if it seemed more than a pasted-on soundclip (I realise you're not a sound editor by any means, so okay) and the film seems reasonably paced, which to me is the basis of all good filmmaking.

I think you need to work on your scripts, think more about why you're using each effect, be more parsimonious about your filming choices. Not just shoot a load of film and try to edit it together afterwards, which it feels like you've done here.

[monolith94]

on the plus side - I did like looking through the door - with the white light streaming in. That looked good, at the very least.

And don't beat up on aranofsky! Pi was wicked cool!

[monolith94]

Also - quit smoking and shave you rapscalllion rebel!!!!!

[monolith94]

that haircut says this to me: "i'm a ghetto-latino kid who thinks he's cool by having long hair and blares bass music down the street while driving around in a toyota camry with yellow speed-strips painted on - to make it go faster."

[Buck Birdseed]

I like Bass music.

[monolith94]

I meant more regular (bad) rap music, in which the bass has been cranked up on ****ty speakers whom the driver things are good, resulting in a crackly and annoying "thump-a thump-a thump-a thump" growing and slowly dissipating in your ears as you hear the car go by.
In essence, music that was never intended to be used for a purpose being audibly molested.

[Mercator]

I like the moment when "the man" wakes up , as well as the last part from when you pull the match out of your mouth. That is, the first few seconds and the last few. The contrast with color for the match scenes is very nice also...

Apart from those bits it is quite incoherent. A good bunch of filmographic "effects" with little purpose.

The most annoying is the way too omnipresent and monotonous sound. Is that mobile supposed to make the sound?

Oh yes, and what's this guy doing, fully clothed, in the middle of the day, lying on his bed?

[monolith94]

I too found the position he was in a bit odd. Like a pharaoh in a sarcophagus. I figured there was a point to it, but that was never made. If I was dealing with someone waking up, I would have made the whole scene a lot more intimate. say, get the guy in his pjc, under the sheets, curled up into a fetal position, laying on his side, his head aggresively pushed into his pillow. Camera shot would be close up of his face, and then a slow zoom out while panning to the right, showing the rest of his body.