A Gimp horror story for Halloween

[chequita guevara]

Blame Laz for not updating it.

[Hueij]

Okay.

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!

[Imran Siddiqui]

Hey, hey... give him a break. It ain't easy to keep updating a story, thinking of new things and actually having a goal in mind.

Hell, look at my "Excellent Adventures". We took a while to get those things hammered out. Then again, it might have been faster if we had an ending in mind.

Though I believe the last one we did finish. That was utterly amazing.

[Provost Harrison]

*twiddles thumbs and a bump*

[Hueij]

Hey, hey... give him a break

Yeah, I know. I was just a bit upset that I found it at the bottom of page 2. People ought to bump it more...

[Urban Ranger]

You evil spammer

[SuperSneak]

Very good...as usual.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Christ- it's the weekend. I'm doing stuff. More to follow.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Part 7

In his later years, Bulldog would often come to reflect his entry to the Offe-Topyc. The dashing adventurer in him was fully prepared for a daring break-in, involving grappling hooks, a hair-raising ascent up the crumbling towers and jemmying open a high window. The reality proved slightly different. Agent Devilmunchkin simply dressed him in a set of hooded robes then walked him up the the front gate, pulling on the bell-cord.

A spy-hole flipped open. "Yeeeesssss?"

"Morning, Boris. I've delivered the sacrifice. Sign this invoice for me, would you?"

Thirty seconds later, with a "Good luck, old man" and a cheeky slap on the arse, Rah was being escorted through the gateway. He was taken through several chambers where huge and ancient posters extolled the virtues of controlling access to spears, and suggested that the best way of tackling plagues of boils would be to set up an extensive governmental sub-committee with wide-ranging boil-investigating powers, to be funded by a small hike in taxation on mammoth steaks and psychotropic fungus. Beyond that, he first encountered the massed hordes of the Wombatters as they groaned and strained their oiled musculature in an immense gymnasium.

"This is all new, of course." said Boris the Gatekeeper. "It used to be the nave of the Infernal Cathedral of Rynkg-T'syinklcx, the risen Wombat, so there used to be far more in the way of impaled bodies on spikes and pickled babies- that sort of thing.". He raised his voice to be heard over the pounding beat of the Euro-disco classics belting out over the PA. "However it was decided that it was all a bit 1970's, and that we needed more gaiety around the place, so we knocked through to the Under-Chapel of the Leper Acolyte and put the gym in."

Rah was stupified. The concept of breaking into a sweat for anything that didn't culminate in some sort of sporting victory and a manly embrace in the showers, or the death of some species of quadruped, was utterly alien to him. "It's enormous!" he gasped.

"It certainly is." replied Boris. "The place is now so gay that it's achieved a mass capable of tearing through the time/sex continuum and it's caused a sexuality black hole. It's sucking all the gaiety out of the surrounding nations- already 80% of Apolytonia is incapable of dancing beyond a kind of arythmical jerking, and Interior Design Consultants have become extinct.". Taking a side door out of the gym, the pair proceeded down a corridor decorated in a really interesting array of linen drapes creating a pseudo-Moroccon feel enhanced by oh-so-tasteful concealed lighting. "Of course, the concentrated gayness is now producing strange and esoteric occurances in the Offe-Topyc. Last week Judy Garland spontaneously manifested in the library, and she's been wandering around looking confused ever since. That's probably down to the pills though, poor thing."

"So this is all part of your evil plot?" said Rah, who was hopelessly adrift by this point.

"Evil? Good Lord, no." replied Boris. "We're the good guys, after all. Admittedly, we're going to kill you, but it's in a really good cause and we're going to feel really sorry about it afterwards. We've got counselling sessions arranged and everything. Still, needs of the many, and all that, you see?".

Boris clicked his fingers, and two burly members of the Liberal Youth emerged silently from the shadows. With an ease born of long experience, they effortlessly overpowered Bulldog and shoved him into a cell. As the heavy door slammed shut, Boris said "Say hello to your cellmate. I believe you know each other."

Rah turned and found himself staring into the cold, grey eyes of Ernst Stefu Blofeld.

****************************

[Provost Harrison]

*bump*

[Skanky Burns]

[Hueij]

Gawd...

[Alexander's Horse]

Well Laz, your stories are always a highlight but this one is the best yet

[devilmunchkin]

where did i go?

[rah]

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp

Rah was stupified. The concept of breaking into a sweat for anything that didn't culminate in some sort of sporting victory and a manly embrace in the showers, or the death of some species of quadruped, was utterly alien to him.

Reality in fiction. (except for the manly embrace part )

RAH