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Take it to another thread, Boris. It's time for part 2.
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Part 2
"Strangelove" wasn't his real name, of course. It was a nickname acquired due to his revolutionary work in the field of deviant human sexuality. The recent developments in electrical batteries had allowed him to patent his "Onanecutioner", a device intended to combat the social evil of self-love. Through the medium of powerful electrical shocks to the privy parts, this apparatus caused a complete cessation of onanism in 95% of patients, and severe burns with psychological trauma in the other 5%.
He was a member of Gray's club, and it was there in an overstuffed leather armchair that Rah found him, sleeping off his port and spotted ****. After being nudged awake and plied with Turkish cigarettes, the good doctor proved more forthcoming.
"Ah, yes. Old "Squeakers" Siddiqui? He's lost the plot, poor chap. Keeps raving about some sort of plot."
Bulldog leaned forward to light the physician's ***. "So I hear. Is there any sense in what he's saying?".
"You tell me." said Strangelove. "He just gibbers away merrily. He's taken to beating his head against the wall at a steady rythym too, and believe me that's a real pain in the arse. It's "thud.....thud.....thud" all the bloody day and night". The doctor sighed. "I've heard that some Yank chap has come up with some sort of treatment involving severing the frontal temporal lobes through the eye-socket with an icepick to calm down incurables. Don't think I haven't been tempted, but if he doesn't start behaving I may use an axe."
"I think I may have to meet him in person" said Rah.
"Feel free. Just don't expect the height of luxury in the sanatorium."
"That's right!" guffawed the 14th Earl of DinoDoc as he gently settled his gouty foot on a pouffe. "Old Strangelove keeps them trussed up tighter than a pervert's turkey."
"Can you blame me?" said Strangelove. "Look what happened over at Professor Guynemer's Home for the Odd last week."
"God, yes" chuckled the Earl, his ample girth shaking at about 6.3 on the Richter scale. "Some loony smuggled a Beretta in and started blazing away. Shot the matron a new arsehole, I believe. She was none too pleased about it anyway. Ended up garrotting him with her corsets. Poor bugger."
An elderly academic in a neighbouring chair yawned, and idly commented "I suppose that wouldn't have happened if we had gun control."
Silence descended like an overworked tart's drawers. Bulldog looked at Strangelove. Strangleove looked at the Earl. Somewhere, in the far distance, a dog barked.
His knuckles bone-white, the academic stiffly dragged himself upright, his face ashen. "Would you excuse me please, gentlemen?" he said as he slowly stalked to the door. No-one met his eyes. No-one acknowledged his passing. He shut the door behind him. After a short pause, there was a single shot, followed by a thud.
Conversation resumed. "If you turn up at the sanatorium tomorrow I'll have you shown to Squeakers." said Strangelove. "He's not at his best but you might get something out of him. One thing you should know is that he keeps using the phrase "gayliberals"."
"Excellent." said Rah. "Now, about this French filth......"
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Part 2
"Strangelove" wasn't his real name, of course. It was a nickname acquired due to his revolutionary work in the field of deviant human sexuality. The recent developments in electrical batteries had allowed him to patent his "Onanecutioner", a device intended to combat the social evil of self-love. Through the medium of powerful electrical shocks to the privy parts, this apparatus caused a complete cessation of onanism in 95% of patients, and severe burns with psychological trauma in the other 5%.
He was a member of Gray's club, and it was there in an overstuffed leather armchair that Rah found him, sleeping off his port and spotted ****. After being nudged awake and plied with Turkish cigarettes, the good doctor proved more forthcoming.
"Ah, yes. Old "Squeakers" Siddiqui? He's lost the plot, poor chap. Keeps raving about some sort of plot."
Bulldog leaned forward to light the physician's ***. "So I hear. Is there any sense in what he's saying?".
"You tell me." said Strangelove. "He just gibbers away merrily. He's taken to beating his head against the wall at a steady rythym too, and believe me that's a real pain in the arse. It's "thud.....thud.....thud" all the bloody day and night". The doctor sighed. "I've heard that some Yank chap has come up with some sort of treatment involving severing the frontal temporal lobes through the eye-socket with an icepick to calm down incurables. Don't think I haven't been tempted, but if he doesn't start behaving I may use an axe."
"I think I may have to meet him in person" said Rah.
"Feel free. Just don't expect the height of luxury in the sanatorium."
"That's right!" guffawed the 14th Earl of DinoDoc as he gently settled his gouty foot on a pouffe. "Old Strangelove keeps them trussed up tighter than a pervert's turkey."
"Can you blame me?" said Strangelove. "Look what happened over at Professor Guynemer's Home for the Odd last week."
"God, yes" chuckled the Earl, his ample girth shaking at about 6.3 on the Richter scale. "Some loony smuggled a Beretta in and started blazing away. Shot the matron a new arsehole, I believe. She was none too pleased about it anyway. Ended up garrotting him with her corsets. Poor bugger."
An elderly academic in a neighbouring chair yawned, and idly commented "I suppose that wouldn't have happened if we had gun control."
Silence descended like an overworked tart's drawers. Bulldog looked at Strangelove. Strangleove looked at the Earl. Somewhere, in the far distance, a dog barked.
His knuckles bone-white, the academic stiffly dragged himself upright, his face ashen. "Would you excuse me please, gentlemen?" he said as he slowly stalked to the door. No-one met his eyes. No-one acknowledged his passing. He shut the door behind him. After a short pause, there was a single shot, followed by a thud.
Conversation resumed. "If you turn up at the sanatorium tomorrow I'll have you shown to Squeakers." said Strangelove. "He's not at his best but you might get something out of him. One thing you should know is that he keeps using the phrase "gayliberals"."
"Excellent." said Rah. "Now, about this French filth......"
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