Need advice from relationship gurus: possible bisexual girlfriend

[Sikander]

Originally posted by MikeH

Sex is normally better with people who know what they are doing and really enjoy it and aren't crippled with hangups about it. That said if you wait for weeks when you eventually do get it it's great.

Actually super religious girls are a two-edged sword. I have seen them be so hung up as to be not worth the trouble (at least in my days as a sex hound), but more often I found an unbelievable amount of passion once they decided to let it go. Of course your mileage may vary, I tend to connect with other hypersexuals in general.

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by Serb
It takes 28 seconds for you when you have sex? You are very fast guy.

ooo... can you feel the burn?

[Saint Marcus]

Like I said, christian girls rule

providing they are not too crazy though.

I have my eyes on a nice girl though. I may not be into religion much, but I love religious girls. She seems to like me, and is a virgin, but I know I can change that. Only one b/f yet, and he was an *******. If I play my cards right...

[DanS]

I think you just rent Chasing Amy and then have a debate session afterwards.

Or... Maybe not.

But don't do what Afleck did! Choose the 2 girl option, not the 2 guy option!

[pchang]

MonkSpider is making mountain out of molehill

Those "clues" you are saying indicate your girlfriend has bisexual tendencies are being blown way out of proportion. Such things in no way indicate that your girlfriend is truly bisexual. Most women say and do things like that, and only a very small percentage of them are actually bisexual. Relax.

[MrFun]

monkspider, I can understand where you are coming from.

I'm a gay man, but I am not sure how comfortable I would be in a monogamous relationship with a bisexual man.

Now, some of you can go ahead and call this hypocrisy or double-standard, but if you can suggest ways for a gay man to become comfortable having a monogamous relationship with a bisexual man, I am all ears. (Boris, Starchild, Asher, or anyone with comments??) I know that there are gay men who have no problems with this.

I just want to establish a monogamous relationship with a type of person I would feel most comfortable with?? Does that make me a bad person??

Give me a gay man over a bisexual man for a long-term, monogamous relationship.

[Sirotnikov]

I think you should really try and ask yourself why is it hard for you to deal with?

do you blieve you can't satisfy her enough?
do you dislike lesbian relationship at all?
are you afraid that a bi will cheat on you more than straight since if she were straight you could fulfill her every need, but now you can't?

anyway, if you really feel deeply for each other, talk it out, but I suggest not taking a too rough stand on it.

You could always have really nice sex games and swing like dirty monkeys

[Jon Miller]

woohoo, I am unbanned

I must say that I agree with Mr. Fun and Monkspider

I would not want my SO to be bisexual

Jon Miller

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by MrFun
monkspider, I can understand where you are coming from.

I'm a gay man, but I am not sure how comfortable I would be in a monogamous relationship with a bisexual man.

Now, some of you can go ahead and call this hypocrisy or double-standard, but if you can suggest ways for a gay man to become comfortable having a monogamous relationship with a bisexual man, I am all ears. (Boris, Starchild, Asher, or anyone with comments??) I know that there are gay men who have no problems with this.

I just want to establish a monogamous relationship with a type of person I would feel most comfortable with?? Does that make me a bad person??

Give me a gay man over a bisexual man for a long-term, monogamous relationship.

Personally, I dont get this. Are you saying that a bisexual is less committed to a relationship than a gay (or hetero)?

If you're saying you feel uncomfortable around bisexuals, I guess you understand the hetero's that are uncomfortable around gays.

[Boris Godunov]

Yes, I've found my way here.

First, I do not want to date a bisexual anymore than I want to date a heterosexual. I am attracted to gay men, I want to date gay men. It's about relating, I think. I don't think I could relate to a genuine bisexual (they do exist) like I could a fellow gay man.

Monkspider: Ok, I think you need to elaborate more, however, on why you feel the way you do about bisexuality being such a make-or-break issue. From the tone of what you wrote, for some reason I got the sense there was more to it. Is there anything else about the relationship you have doubts about? Maybe even subconsciously?

The best thing you can do now is ask her. Work into a conversation subtly. Start having a talk about sexuality, maybe coming from seeing something gay or bisexual on TV or movies. Then slip in the question, innocently, hey, have you ever been with another girl or thought you could be bi? Make it friendly not accusatory.

You have to do this because unless you know for sure, it will bug you constantly and will be detrimental to your relationship with her. It will fester in your mind and you will begin to subconsciously resent having to be suspicious of it. When you get in a suspicious mindset, you tend to get suspicious about everything, and that will kill it.

If she says no, she's not bi, then everything's fine, forget about it. Providing of course that really is your only issue.

If she says yes, then you will have to do some soul-searching. If you decide you love her enough that it's not a problem (you may indeed think differently about it when confronted with the reality), and then happy happy joy joy.

But if it still bothers you a great deal and you feel you can't get around it, then you have to dump her. It would not be fair to her or to you to continue with the relationship if you are going to stew and rot over that hangup, because you will continue to be upset over it and it will f*ck things up. It will no way speak badly on you in this case, as you can't help how you feel. And it's far better to recognize you can't get over something and proactively nip it in the bud than to drag it out for months trying to reconcile it and ultimately causing a lot of pain for everyone involved.

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by SpencerH


Personally, I dont get this. Are you saying that a bisexual is less committed to a relationship than a gay (or hetero)?

If you're saying you feel uncomfortable around bisexuals, I guess you understand the hetero's that are uncomfortable around gays.

How on earth do you make that stretch? He's talking about being uncomfortable being in a RELATIONSHIP with a bisexual, not merely being around them. Why would that be a factor for a heterosexual and gays? Apples and Oranges, dear.

[Sprayber]

I was pretty good friends with a bi girl that didnt consider sexual relations with a girl as cheating on her boyfriend. She said it didn't count. That had nothing to do with her being bi, but more to do with her personality.

Sikander and Boris gave some pretty good advice so I can't add too much to the conversation. People keep talking about the advantages of dating a bi girl, but in my experience(not as much as Sikander it appears ) that is only with those you don't plan on staying with for a long time which is fine if thats what your in to. If you with a bi girl for the opportunites it presents as far as adventures, then a long term relationship is not likely to be in the cards for the two of you.

[MrFun]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov


How on earth do you make that stretch? He's talking about being uncomfortable being in a RELATIONSHIP with a bisexual, not merely being around them. Why would that be a factor for a heterosexual and gays? Apples and Oranges, dear.

Thanks for not twisting my words around like others have, Boris.
I'm glad that you agree that I'm not being hypocritical when it comes to my personal, intimate relationships.


Just as the case with mono-racial relationships. A white person who prefers a relationship with another white person is not necessarily racist.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Thanks for not twisting my words around like others have, Boris.

Well you have quite a habit of twisting words around, so you know...

--

Anyway, I think you should listen to Sikander here. He had the best post I've seen on this thread so far. I don't think you have enough 'proof' that she is bisexual. Remarking on a girl that may be cute, isn't tooo out of the norm for females.

[MrFun]

I have, Imran?

If so, then I need to avoid doing that in the future.