Need advice from relationship gurus: possible bisexual girlfriend

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by SpencerH


MS, do I take it from your signature that you consider yourself to be a christian? If so, would that be the source of your doubt in this matter?

How ironic that Boris and MF have supported MS in his feelings (~doubts) about a girl who he's planning to live with because she may be bisexual.

how is that ironic

I would assume that they would not want a bisexual man for the same reason I do not want a bisexual woman (for an SO)

Jon Miller

[MrFun]

Spencer, read my last post -- I am NOT bi-phobic.

[SpencerH]

MF

I'm not trying to deliberately bait you. Perhaps I'm being unclear. You've said you would feel uncomfortable in a relationship with a bisexual man (and now) despite the fact that you find them attractive. So what I'm trying to understand is why? For me this is like saying I'm attracted to that woman but I would be uncomfortable in a relationship with her because she's black, hindu, white, got three breasts (pick one). Isnt that the essence of prejudice, and isnt that what homophobia is?

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by SpencerH


Well dearie.

Perhaps I did stretch things a bit, but I dont think its apples and oranges unless you or MF can actually give a reason. The question is why MF is "uncomfortable."

Isnt one of the constant banners of the gay movement that the important factor that should decide legal status for example is a loving relationship of any kind rather than a heterosexual relationship?

Perhaps you can tell us that gay men arent attracted to bisexual men? That would seem like a big stretch to me. What you have both said has more in common with homophobia than you are willing to admit to.

What on EARTH are you talking about? This is not at all what MrFun or I were saying. We were saying that, personally, we have no desire to date bisexual men. PERSONALLY. No where did anyone assert that gay men weren't attracted to bisexual men. No one asserted that, as you imply we did, somehow a gay man loving a bisexual man is an invalid relationship in general. Simply that, MrFun PERSONALLY does not want that.

And neither he or I are under any requirement to explain that other than to say that dating someone who is bisexual would not make us comfortable. If you're not comfortable dating any person for any reason, you're under no obligation to explain that so long as it is not something you project onto others. I wouldn't dare presume to tell my heterosexual friends whom they should feel comfortable dating.

[Jon Miller]

way to go Boris

Jon Miller

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by Jon Miller


how is that ironic

I would assume that they would not want a bisexual man for the same reason I do not want a bisexual woman (for an SO)

Jon Miller

I find it ironic because I would expect gay men to understand prejudice.

[Jon Miller]

how is it prejudice?

Jon Miller

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov

I wouldn't dare presume to tell my heterosexual friends whom they should feel comfortable dating.

So if a white hetero friend tells you that he's atttracted to a black woman but "feels uncomfortable" about it, you wouldnt find it strange? Somehow I doubt that.

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by Jon Miller
how is it prejudice?

Jon Miller

replied to MF

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by SpencerH
MF

I'm not trying to deliberately bait you. Perhaps I'm being unclear. You've said you would feel uncomfortable in a relationship with a bisexual man (and now) despite the fact that you find them attractive. So what I'm trying to understand is why? For me this is like saying I'm attracted to that woman but I would be uncomfortable in a relationship with her because she's black, hindu, white, got three breasts (pick one). Isnt that the essence of prejudice, and isnt that what homophobia is?

It is your right to not want to date someone for whatever reason. You can not want to date someone because she is black. People are allowed to date whomever they want on whatever terms the two people involved deem acceptable.

Homophobia is the opposite of this, as that is telling people it is wrong to date someone because of factor X, Y, Z. It is about invalidating relationships that those who participate in them deem valid.

Any more fallacious arguments?

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by SpencerH


So if a white hetero friend tells you that he's atttracted to a black woman but "feels uncomfortable" about it, you wouldnt find it strange? Somehow I doubt that.

there are many other issues other than physical attraction

sexuality is one of them

I might be atractted to a woman

than find out she is a lesbian, my attraction will drop like a rock

is that wrong (it has notthing to do with chances, I am attracted to many people who I have an equal chance with as the lesbian)?

Jon Miller

[Rand Al'Tor]

As I see it, neither Mr. Fun nor Monkspider is 'prejudiced' since they don't make ANY judgement at all. They simply state something about their tastes. I mean, one can say that one doesn't find a black skin attractive, would that be racism. Are ALL people but 50% bisexual people sexist because they prefer one gender above the other? No, because they say it's just THEIR taste, and not a judgement.

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by SpencerH


So if a white hetero friend tells you that he's atttracted to a black woman but "feels uncomfortable" about it, you wouldnt find it strange? Somehow I doubt that.

The question is, is it any of my business to tell my friend he's wrong for feeling uncomfortable about it? No, it isn't. I would never, ever tell someone to enter into a relationship that made them feel uncomfortable, as it is not fair to them or the other person.

Would I find it strange? Maybe. Does that matter? No, because it isn't my business to tell other people who to love and who to NOT love.

That, my friend, is the entire point of the gay rights movement. It is not to tell you that a homosexual relationship is right for everybody. It is to tell people that anyone, gay or str8 or bi, have every right to determine who they want to spend their lives with, and it's NOBODY'S concern except the 2 consenting adults involved. That means ya got no business trying to stop a relationship of that kind, but it does not mean ya have to force anything on those not interested, either.

[SpencerH]

You're avoiding the issue Boris. If you dont find that person attractive then dont date them. If you do find them attractive but feel "uncomfortable" what is that?

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by Jon Miller


there are many other issues other than physical attraction

sexuality is one of them

I might be atractted to a woman

than find out she is a lesbian, my attraction will drop like a rock

is that wrong (it has notthing to do with chances, I am attracted to many people who I have an equal chance with as the lesbian)?

Jon Miller

I have no say in whats right or wrong. You need to ask yourself, since it has nothing to do with chances, why did the attraction drop?