Need advice from relationship gurus: possible bisexual girlfriend

[Jon Miller]

sexuality makes up part of the person

I am not even interested in dating (or to put it better, trying to date) the aformentioned lesbian

because her sexuality makes her uninteresting for me

what is wrong in that

that is just how I choose an SO, is that wrong???

Jon Miller

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by SpencerH


I have no say in whats right or wrong. You need to ask yourself, since it has nothing to do with chances, why did the attraction drop?

because sexuality makes up part of the person and the person I want for SO is not a lesbian

just like she will not be a smoker

Jon Miller

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by SpencerH
You're avoiding the issue Boris. If you dont find that person attractive then dont date them. If you do find them attractive but feel "uncomfortable" what is that?

This is at least the third time in this thread alone you have made up things I supposedly have said. When did I ever say it was merely an issue of attraction? Unless you're pretty shallow, loving someone and entering a relationship involves a lot more than mere attraction anway.

I haven't avoided any issue, as I've said quite clearly (though you seem to have selective reading abilities) that it doesn't matter what makes you uncomfortable dating someone. That's your right. Ipso facto. You could not want to date the most gorgeous woman in the world because you find out she's a Jew and you just happen to loathe Jews. That would be your choice. And I would fully support you in that choice, so long as you didn't try to say nobody should date a Jew or try to promote laws to ban Gentile/Jew dating.

[bigvic]

Originally posted by monkspider
Thanks Jon,
I will be certain to broach the subject delicately.

How do you go about doing that? Ask her which soft core porn she's in for tonight, lesbian, straight or menagea trois? Then over a month , keep track of which one she chooses most?

PS: Don't mean to be flippant about this, nor to make light of your feelings, but sometimes you really do have to take a step back and lighten up. Seriously, I don't think I could deal with a serious relationship, long term like that, though, hoo boy, short term could be a blast! But then hetero females tend to be a lot more comfy w/ saying, doing and looking at things that most guys, even open minded manly men would feel much less comfortable about, in terms of the same gender.

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov

The question is, is it any of my business to tell my friend he's wrong for feeling uncomfortable about it? No, it isn't. I would never, ever tell someone to enter into a relationship that made them feel uncomfortable, as it is not fair to them or the other person.

I quite agree. I'm not attempting to judge anyone on this matter. But you admit it would be strange (maybe). I'm simply trying to understand what is (to me) an ironic viewpoint. I have a bagful of gay friends in different countries and while I havent asked I've never heard that kind of viewpoint before.

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by SpencerH


I quite agree. I'm not attempting to judge anyone on this matter. But you admit it would be strange (maybe). I'm simply trying to understand what is (to me) an ironic viewpoint. I have a bagful of gay friends in different countries and while I havent asked I've never heard that kind of viewpoint before.

I see nothing ironic about it, because (as I said), the gay rights movement isn't about anything other than saying it is wrong to condemn people based on whom they choose to date. It would be utter hypocrisy for any advocate of gay rights to turn around and then condemn people for whom they choose *not* to date. If you know of such folks, I will gladly give tell them what is what.

But, IMO, you were also trying to draw MrFun and me into the quite irrelevant argument of defending our decisions of who we would and would not date. And that's just not a question I choose to dignify by answering, as it shouldn't be asked.

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov

This is at least the third time in this thread alone you have made up things I supposedly have said. When did I ever say it was merely an issue of attraction?

Boris I didnt make anything up that you have said. I can use quotation marks. It was a comment by me based upon what MF said.

I haven't avoided any issue, as I've said quite clearly (though you seem to have selective reading abilities) that it doesn't matter what makes you uncomfortable dating someone.
That's your right. Ipso facto. You could not want to date the most gorgeous woman in the world because you find out she's a Jew and you just happen to loathe Jews. That would be your choice. And I would fully support you in that choice, so long as you didn't try to say nobody should date a Jew or try to promote laws to ban Gentile/Jew dating.

I'm sure you would and I'm also sure you'd trot out the word bigot too.

[SpencerH]

Boris you type too fast!

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by SpencerH
I'm sure you would and I'm also sure you'd trot out the word bigot too.

What? I would what? I don't understand what your sentence is referring to.

I wouldn't call you a bigot for not dating Jews. I'd call you a bigot for not hiring one, though. Hopefully you can see the difference.

Boris you type too fast!

Comes from a habit of doing college papers the night before...

[MrFun]

Originally posted by SpencerH
MF

I'm not trying to deliberately bait you. Perhaps I'm being unclear. You've said you would feel uncomfortable in a relationship with a bisexual man (and now) despite the fact that you find them attractive. So what I'm trying to understand is why? For me this is like saying I'm attracted to that woman but I would be uncomfortable in a relationship with her because she's black, hindu, white, got three breasts (pick one). Isnt that the essence of prejudice, and isnt that what homophobia is?

You thought I would not return, didn't you?

But to answer your question in addition to Bori's answer:

I can engage in casual sex with bisexuals but I would not want to have a monogamous relationship with a bisexual.
And to be honest, I cannot really pinpoint on why this is the case with me.

I wish I could give you a crystal-clear reason on why I am weary of a monogamous relationship with a bisexual man, while at the same time, I affirm respect for their identity and equal legitimacy.

[Boris Godunov]

D'OH! Now MrFun you've gone and done what you oughtn't have done! Legitimized the question by answering it!

[Mercator]

So you get into a relationship with every good-looking person you bump into, Spencer? I don't think so. Someone's personality is determined by his/her religious background, sexuality, intelligence, sense of humor, generally a person's world views and ideas on whatever and all that stuff. If one or more of these things don't match... bad luck.

Is a devout Christian religiously intolerant for not dating a Muslim, (s)he otherwise finds attractive (and not only physically attractive)?
Or rather more extreme, but very illustrative... If a man is dating a woman who turns out to be a man (ever seen Jerry Springer ). Why would he not continue loving "her" if everything seemed to be going perfectly well in their relationship?

[Boris Godunov]

Or rather more extreme, but very illustrative... If a man is dating a woman who turns out to be a man (ever seen Jerry Springer ). Why would he not continue loving "her" if everything seemed to be going perfectly well in their relationship?

Bad example. I would certainly say the first man would have grounds to dump the other one based purely on the fact that he deceived him. Lying is not something one should be expected to stomach easily.

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by MrFun

I can engage in casual sex with bisexuals but I would not want to have a monogamous relationship with a bisexual.
And to be honest, I cannot really pinpoint on why this is the case with me.

I wish I could give you a crystal-clear reason on why I am weary of a monogamous relationship with a bisexual man, while at the same time, I affirm respect for their identity and equal legitimacy.

That seems like an honest answer. All I'm saying is that maybe its time to think about why that is.

[SpencerH]

Originally posted by Mercator
Or rather more extreme, but very illustrative... If a man is dating a woman who turns out to be a man (ever seen Jerry Springer ). Why would he not continue loving "her" if everything seemed to be going perfectly well in their relationship?

Well I guess this may illustrate my point of view. He should continue loving her, whats changed? I'm sure it would be a shock, but either you care or you dont.