Joke of the Day

[Sarxis]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
Two blondes are standing on the opposite side of a raging river. The first one calles out to the other:

"HEY! How do I get to the other side?"

The second one answers:

"You ARE on the other side!"

Einstein's theory of Relativity at work.

[Boris Godunov]

In a perfect Europe, the Italians are the lovers, the French are the cooks, the English are the bankers, and the Germans run everything.

In a nightmare Europe, the Germans are the lovers, the English are the cooks, the French are the bankers and the Italians run everything.

[alva]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
In a perfect Europe, the Italians are the lovers, the French are the cooks, the English are the bankers, and the Germans run everything.

In a nightmare Europe, the Germans are the lovers, the English are the cooks, the French are the bankers and the Italians run everything.

what have england got to do with europe
better leave it to us (belgians )


serious(well kind off ) : nicely done, firsts part is better then the second one though )

[Lung]

Originally posted by Zkribbler


It's ridiculing the legendary callousness of the steroetypical Austalian straight male.

You're spot on

I didn't know this thread was still going. It seems that i have created the proverbial monster

Keeping my jokes consistent, even if they are in bad taste, here's another one.....

A young Tasmanian man goes to his father and says "Dad, i have a problem. You know i want to marry Sheila, but it turns out that she's a virgin". The father replies "That's it! The wedding's off! If she's not good enough for her own family, she not good enough for ours!!!"

For local relevancy, please substitute your local inbreds for the Tasmanians mentioned above

[Boris Godunov]

Yeah, we would use West Virginians here.

[Lung]

Originally posted by Tuberski
The Lone Ranger and Tonto have been riding all day on a buffalo hunt.
When they stop to rest, Tonto places his ear to the ground and listens.

"Buffalo come," Tonto says.

"How do you know that?" asks the Lone Ranger.

"Ear Sticky."

Hehe.....oldie, but a goodie

Speaking of Lone Ranger jokes, here's one of my all-time fave punchlines.....

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are out one day, and they come across a horde of Indians. Cautiously, they turn back, only to find even more Indians to the rear.

"Tonto! We're surrounded by Injuns!!!!!" The Lone Ranger exclaims.

Tonto turns slowly to The Lone Ranger and casually replies "What do you mean we, white man???"

[Lung]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
Yeah, we would use West Virginians here.

So i heard when i was over there I told that joke often, and substituted Tasmanian with West Virginian, and i always got a laugh

[MrWhereItsAt]

Speaking of Tasmanian jokes...

The teenage Tasmanian daughter is sitting in the lounge watching TV. In walks her Dad. "You've been staring at that TV all day. Go and tidy your room." "Sure Dad," she says.

Ten minutes later she is still watching the box. Dad sees her. "Either you do what I say and tidy your room NOW or you'll have to suffer the punishment." "Aw, come on Dad," she complains.

"RIGHT! That's it! You'll have to suffer the punishment." Dad unzips his pants.

"Ah hell, not again,' she protetsts, but proceeds to give him the blowjob.

A second later, coughing and spluttering - "Yuck! Your d*ck tastes like sh*t!"


"Well, your brother wouldn't wash the car."

[Lung]

Originally posted by MrWhereItsAt
Speaking of Tasmanian jokes...

"Well, your brother wouldn't wash the car."

An oldie but a goodie. Wait.....that's sick!!!

[Boris Godunov]

A couple of nuns are driving down a dark country road one night. Suddenly, a little vampire leaps out of the woods and onto the hood of the car. The creature hisses at the nuns wildly, who scream in terror.

"Lord, what should we do?" cries the nun driving.

"Quick," answers the passenger, "turn on the wipers!" The nun driving complies, but the creature hangs on.

"Oh no! Now what do I do?" asks the nun driving.

"Quick," answers the passenger, "veer left and right very fast!" The nun driving does so several times, but the vampire manages to hang on.

"AAAGH!" screams the nun driving, "he's still there, what do I do now?!!"

"I know!" shouts the passenger. "Show him your cross!"

"Good idea!" says the driving nun, who promptly rolls down her window and shouts:

"Hey you, get the f*ck off our car!"

[Sirotnikov]

Boris, two things.

1. I didn't get the joke, and if it's what i think, then it's yucki and not funny.

2. do you have some brahms mp3s you could share

[Boris Godunov]

Sirotnikov"

1. Being "cross" is a term for being very angry. Ergo, the driver nun shows the vampire she is "cross" by swearing at him. (what did you think???)

2. Kazaa

[Lung]

If you don't know the two meanings of the word, you can't get the joke, like the following i didn't get when i was about five.

Q: How do you confuse an Irishman?

A: Put him in a room full of shovels and tell him to take his pick

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by Lung
If you don't know the two meanings of the word, you can't get the joke, like the following i didn't get when i was about five.

Q: How do you confuse an Irishman?

A: Put him in a room full of shovels and tell him to take his pick

Speaking of Irish Jokes:

One day, Mary gets a knock at the door. She opens it and sees Paddy, who works down at the brewery with her husband, Michael.

"Paddy, what are you doin here at two o'clock in the afternoon?"

"Well, Mary, I'm afraid I have some bad news. We should sit down."

"Oh no! It's me husband Michael, isn't it? Something has happened to him down at the brewery! What is it?"

"Yes, Mary. I'm afraid--well, I'm afraid Michael is dead."

"What?! Oh my God! What happened?"

"Well, Mary, he was working on the catwalks, slipped and fell into the vat of Guinness, and he drowned."

"Oh no...that's awful! Me poor Michael!" Mary proceeds to sob for a bit. "Tell me, Paddy, did he at least die quickly?"

"Well, no Mary, I can't say that. You see, he got out 3 times to pee."