Joke of the Day

[Chowlett]

Note that they had no names before disney

[alva]

funny to see how these jokes (some of them are quite old( but very good and pre-internet) have travelled the world

[Imran Siddiqui]

And who said Americans didn't have a sense of humour?

No, just Mr Fun, to whom I pointed out in another thread is patently unfunny.

[OzzyKP]

One day while out flying around Metropolis Superman passes an open window that catches his eye. He goes back and takes a look inside, there is Wonder Woman buck naked with her legs spread wide open.

Superman thinks to himself "hmmm, i'm as fast as a speeding bullet, I can zip in the window, have my way with her and leave before she even notices."

ZOOM! Superman carries out his plan and quickly disappears.

Wonder Woman looks up and says, "What just happened?"

The invisible man replies "I don't know but my ass is sure sore."

[Tuberski]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto have been riding all day on a buffalo hunt.
When they stop to rest, Tonto places his ear to the ground and listens.

"Buffalo come," Tonto says.

"How do you know that?" asks the Lone Ranger.

"Ear Sticky."

[Chowlett]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto (in another joke), rode up to the saloon and got off their horses. Says the Lone Ranger "I'm going to see if anyone's seen Billy the Kid. You run round with the horses to keep them limber, we'll be riding out soon."

So the Lone Ranger walks into the saloon.

(clink, clink, clink, clink. Creeeaak. Clink, Clink. Piano music stops)

"Have any of you good citizens seen Billy the Kid?" he asks.

The barman replies "We surely haven't Mr Ranger - but if he comes by we'll be sure to let you know. Now how about a whiskey for the road? On the house?"

"No, I can't stop. I've left the injun running."

[Boris Godunov]

Two blondes are standing on the opposite side of a raging river. The first one calles out to the other:

"HEY! How do I get to the other side?"

The second one answers:

"You ARE on the other side!"

****

A housewife has taken a lover during the day while her husband is away at work. One day she and the lover are in the bedroom going at it when outside a car door slams. The wife jumps up, looks out the window and screams, "Oh my GOD! My husband is home early from work! Quick, HIDE! Don't let him see you!!!"

With that, she jumps up and runs naked into the bathroom, closes the door and locks it. The lover, unable to escape as the husband is coming in the door, runs into the bedroom closet and closes it.

A short while later, the lover can hear the husband in the bedroom, moving around and calling for his wife. Then, the closet door suddenly swings open, and husband and and lover are face-to-face.

Husband: Who the hell are you? And why are you in my closet?

Lover: Me? I...uh...I...(looks around at clothes) Why, I'm a moth exterminator!

Husband: A moth exterminator? But...why the hell are you buck naked?

Lover: Naked? (looks down at himself) Why, those bastards!

[Clear Skies]

I apologise in advance for this joke - blame Mad Helen, for twas she who made me post it.

On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
Two Italian men and one Italian woman
Two French men and one French woman
Two German men and one German woman
Two Greek men and one Greek woman
Two English men and one English woman
Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
Two American men and one American woman
Two Irish men and one Irish woman

One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
The Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese men have set-up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey. But they're deeply satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

[Immortal Wombat]

[Provost Harrison]

[Eli]

[Zoid]

[Inverse Icarus]

how do you make five pounds of fat look good?


put a nipple on it.

[Provost Harrison]

I'll try that with my belly

[Evil Knevil]

Gazooks man! You can't put 10 nipples on your belly, it'd be obscene!