Ted Striker: Confessions of a True Player

[MichaeltheGreat]

Originally posted by Ted Striker
You are right in that I need to put my stupid pride aside

One of the biggest reasons for relationships ****ing up is failure of one or both parties to try to understand things from the other's perspective as well as your own.

I hope she is even listening to my messages. I'm afraid that she might even be erasing them.

All you can do is send them - the rest isn't in your control, but you can just keep trying. Sometimes (especially if she has an issue with guys blowing up), it just takes time and space. Don't keep up a barrage of messages, but if she doesn't respond soon, just occasionally, until you've decided you've had enough, or she responds.

You don't know how she took the whole thing, and until you really know just about everything about someone, there are lots of times emotional triggers that you can unintentionally set off.

I've told her what a moron I have been. Just a complete idiot. I need to let her know that I really am sorry for hurting her for not being understanding. I just hope she hears it.

My pride blew this whole thing.

Good lesson Sprayber. Humility.

That and don't be a dumbass like me.

Fix the problem, not the blame. When **** happens in a relationship, apologies are nice, but changing whatever triggered the problem in the first place is better. You have to demonstrate that, rather than that you're one of those blow up now, sorry honey later types. Women do the same crap too, and the same thing applies - apology = barely ok, constructive change = good.

I am glad that your situation is working out. I hope mine does too but I've screwed it up so bad. I hope that this isn't a lesson relationship because I really do like her so much.

All relationships are lesson relationships, even if they last a lifetime - especially if they last a lifetime.

[Verres]

Valentines and her birthday are both coming up in about a month.

Speaking as a female, I would say Valentines day is probably not the best time to resolve things. It depends on the person, but you are in danger of appearing too insincere/desperate etc if you use Valentines day to sort things out. Romantic gestures are generally good, but be careful.

Good luck with it all

[East Street Trader]

One thing you can do about not wanting to be a pest is to tell her what you are thinking.

So you could, when you next leave a message, say that you have sort of noticed that she has not responded and that it has occurred to you that your continued messages and flowers and so on may be unwelcome. But that you don't want to stop trying unless that really is the case. So you have decided to cut the messages and so on down a bit but to keep trying every now and then while you can manage to keep any hope alive. Unless you hear from her that this is unwelcome. So if she wants you to leave her in peace could she drop you a line or text message you or leave a message on the answerphone or whatever.

And you will then curl up and die.

[Japher]

Was this your first fight Ted?

If so, and she runs, then it's fixable, though as Shi suggested I would decide if she is worth the immaturity/insecurity. Yet, from how you talk about her I think I know the answer.

If this is not your first fight, she may just be tired of it (which is sad) and you. Thus, you got dumped.

I think the fact that she is rebounding of a bad relationship explains a lot. She probably saw something of him in you when you blew up. This would insight fear and her response. Therefor, you don't have a girl who is angry at you, you have a girl how is afraid of you. How do you fix that? Well, sending flowers and flooding her machine with messages is not the answer; that will just seem creepy. I think giving her a couple of weeks with no communication is a good start.

One thing you can do is go to anger management courses. Not that you need them, but this could serve as something better than flowers to her. Let her know you are going, and that while you don't think you have a problem that you don't want her out of your life, and you feel that is why she won't talk to you.

That may open a dialogue so that you can find out what is truely bothering her.

My two cents.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Be positive. These things build character.

In fact, you could gain so much character that you'll be a one-man crowd. Talking to yourself will be justifiable as a meeting.

[JimmyCracksCorn]

Every couple has fights, just keep telling her you're sorry. This doesn't have to be the end, if you don't let it.

How long have you been going out? Because if its only been like 1 week, your chances probably aren't as good...

[curtsibling]

@Ted:

Can I just send a donation in lieu of worshipping your ego?

(joke)

[Boris Godunov]

I must admit this thread is somewhat of a relief. I find little more revolting IRL than a player, so it's good to see that's not what Ted is really like.

[asleepathewheel]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
I must admit this thread is somewhat of a relief. I find little more revolting IRL than a player, so it's good to see that's not what Ted is really like.

Boris, don't hate the player, hate the game.

[Brundlefly]

Re: Ted Striker: Confessions of a True Player

Originally posted by Ted Striker

I took her for granted, and had to be a moron. I lost my cool instead of talking through the situation. I had such a big head that I thought I was the Man but look where it got me. Nowhere.

I've sent flowers. I've left messages profusley apologizing and asking for forgiveness. I said all I can to say. Anymore and I will chase her into the Pacific Ocean. I'm sorry but it's not going to be enough. The damage is done. I screwed it up.


So for all you players in training, don't follow my example. Don't get such a big head that you think you are so awesome that you deserve to be put on some kind of pedastal.

Just remember:

1) be kind
2) be patient
3) be understanding
4) never lose your temper. ever
5) don't take someone for granted

Ted Striker, banned from the Players Club

Look, you are not perfect - no one is. Everyone says things they don't mean sometimes. People lose their cool. A simple apology explaining that a misunderstanding occurred should be all that's required of you unless this was a major meltdown that embarrassed her or scarred her. And if that is the case, then chalk it up to experience and move forward with your life. There are hundreds of other girls that want your attention right now. At school. At work. At the cafe. The bookstore. School. Go get them.

I think you did yourself a disservice with the excessive apologies, flowers, etc. In effect you are saying to her, "Look I want you back so bad that you can have control of the relationship now." Don't ever put a woman in that position. It makes them uncomfortable. They want the man to be in control. Once a girl realizes that she has something with which to manipulate you, she loses respect for you.

What is the chance that she may not have been overly upset with the situation but she wanted to act upset to test you to see if you would grovel? Women make up tests all the time to judge our resolve.

I disagree with a few things that you've said, generally speaking:

1) "Don't put yourself on a pedestal" - I think you should treat a girl with respect, but also you should have no reservations about displaying your own confidence ans status and demanding respect for same. You are the prize. The attitude should be: "There are MANY girls that have benefitted sexually AND as far as companionship and fun with YOU. You picked her because of her looks or sexuality and CHOSE her to receive these benefits as well.";

2) " Be patient " - It's important to have a quiet self-control and confidence, but you should have zero tolerance when a chick starts disrespecting you. If a chick disrespects you, you have the right to lay down the law in no uncertain terms ;

3) "Dont lose your temper" - Male aggression is the biggest trigger for female lust. And it's a whole lot more important than love or looks or money. Without occasional demonstrations of manly aggression, chicks lose their lust and marriages go flat. For most women it is enough when men challenge their BS successfully. For other they need physical abuse to turn them on. That is why women stay with abusive husbands. Of course I'm not advocating that. All I am saying is that an occasional verbal fight does not hurt a relationship - it helps it. Don't be affraid to assert yourself as necessary.

[Alexander's Horse]

Re: Ted Striker: Confessions of a True Player

Originally posted by Ted Striker
I know I talk alot of smack on here, but in real life I'm really a nice guy.

[TCO]

Just apologize and don't make such a big show of it. If she likes you she will give you a chance. Go date someone else in the meantime.

This is not a troll. It is right thing to do.

[TCO]

Next time don't smack her so hard, D2K. You're a big guy.

[Boris Godunov]

I guess the old "What do you tell a woman with two black eyes" joke isn't suitable now, right?

[Ted Striker]

You guys are cool as hell. Thanks for all the great comments.

I've said all I can say. I may leave her a message in a week or so, with the stuff JohnT highlighted. But I'm just going to let her be for now.

I'm in that, "hey I have all this time on my hands so what can I do to improve my life" mode. So I'll take advantage of the time and the motivation and try to reach a few goals.

I've put my pride aside. I hope that she can too.

there are lots of times emotional triggers that you can unintentionally set off

What's funny is that some things that I would think are very minor details often have very very heavy meaning. Other things that I think may be a big deal may have no meaning to her whatsover. It's really interesting what sets one person off that may not do the same thing for another.

Thanks for all the great advice. You guys put alot of effort into some great posts with good advice, I'm pretty exhausted right now but want to thank everyone that had something to say, even kangaroo humpers like AH.