Ted Striker: Confessions of a True Player

[duke o' york]

Lose the idea of being a player. Never even use the word again. (Well, you can explain it to EST if you want). It may seem like fun for people to spend time with a player, but you'd be stupid to form a relationship with someone who describes himself as a player. Like adultery, if you know that someone has done it before then there will always be that gap of trust and you'll be haunted by the possibility, however remote, that they will do it again. I'm not saying that forgiveness is foolish and that first-time offenders automatically become repeat offenders given the chance, but you have to be careful, and if someone promises they'll go straight, but insists upon acting as they used to then you'd be foolish to trust them completely.
Good luck, and if you're not ashamed of us (which would be understandable ), then your hopes of rekindling your relationship would definitely benefit if she could read what you've said here.
But stop sending her notes and ringing her. She will need time to herself to consider what she wants to do. If you're going to send her anything, tell her that you are willing to wait for her, that you hope she makes up her mind in your favour, but do not want to pressure her at all. She can talk with you about anything if she wants, but should not feel obliged to, and that you will be obviously upset, but will accept if she decides that you will not be part of her future.

[Sikander]

Take the lesson to heart as it may be the only thing you can salvage in the worst case. Remember too that she fell in love with you as you are, so don't try to completely change or anything so extreme. If she can't forgive you, chalk a small part of that up to you screwing up and the rest to her deal, because that is likely to be the truth of the matter. If she does forgive you, then hopefully your relationship will be a good deal stronger for her staking out some territory (ie I can live without you if you act like a *****) as well as your being a bit more circumspect about her feelings in the future as well as understanding your own feelings that much better for having gone through a bunch of them in a short while.

[Bosh]

Rent a pink bunny suit and have a picture of yourself taken in it wearing a hangdog expression - like that kid in A Christmas Story.

The last thing he needs is to bring in the horror that is fursuits.

[Bereta_Eder]

When the glass breaks it cannot be reglued.

[Boris Godunov]

That's rough... but I agree with Shi. Yes, you need to give her space and patience. But if you've been totally honest with her and sincere in your apology, then the ball is in her court. If she's so unforgiving that this stuff doesn't mean anything to her and she can't accept you making a mistake, then maybe she isn't quite deserving of a pedestal.

Also, she may think that this was just you showing your true side and it will happen again--is there a way to make her see that isn't the case? A lot of guys have blow up, apologize and promise not to do it again, but then do it again, and she may be wary of that.. This hasn't happened before, has it?

Good luck.

[Drogue]

Originally posted by paiktis22
When the glass breaks it cannot be reglued.

But it can be, and sometimes the glue is harder than the glass is replaced.

Originally posted by Ted
It's two people who were just scared of getting hurt. So they end up hurting each other.

I have the opposite problem. We're too scared of hurting each other that we sometimes end up hurting each other

Originally posted by Ted
It could have been easily mended. But then I had to put up my foolish pride and write that stupid letter to her and hurt her feelings even more. That's the part that kills me the most. I dug myself a hole and then brought in the damn earth mover.

I feel for you The worst part, IMHO, is knowing you could have done something about it

[Drogue]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
Also, she may think that this was just you showing your true side and it will happen again--is there a way to make her see that isn't the case? A lot of guys have blow up, apologize and promise not to do it again, but then do it again, and she may be wary of that.. This hasn't happened before, has it?

Is there a way to show her that? If there is I'd like to know

[CerberusIV]

Give her a couple of days then see if you can get a mutual acquaintance, preferably a female one, to drop by and mention to her how you feel.

But don't shout too loudly to anyone else in case it is taken as an attempt to blame her. (Apolyton doesn't count for that)

[JohnT]

I misunderstood something she said and blew up at her. Then to be even more of a dumbass I wrote her a stupid letter trying to be honest about my feelings but that made it worse. I should have tried to understand where she was coming from but instead I just jumped to conclusions and acted like an ass. Later I found I that I just misunderstood her. What a complete dumbass.

So, from her perspective you got mad at her and then wrote a letter explaining why it was rational for you to do so? Yeah, that'd piss off a woman, no doubt about it.

I wouldn't necessarily link her to this thread, but there are a number of things you've said in your posts that would melt the hearts of most women, especially if said to them in person. Stuff like:

Well tonight I chased away the most wonderful woman I have ever known in my life. She was so sweet, kind, and understanding. My parents loved her. My friends loved her. Her friends and parents loved me. We always had a great time together. Always. It was a perfect situation.

and

I took for granted the most amazing person I've ever had the privilege to ever meet.

and

I took her for granted, and had to be a moron. I lost my cool instead of talking through the situation. I had such a big head that I thought I was the Man but look where it got me. Nowhere.

The above shows that you have it in you to get her back, but you're gonna have to talk to her in her language only, not yours. Good luck!

[JohnT]

BTW, for those of you who recommend dumping this girl because "if this is how she acts now...":

The problem is how Ted acted, not her. He's the one who got angry and (I assume) yelled at her, he's the one who wrote a letter rationalizing his actions. Unless I missed it, Ted didn't even tell us what the fight was about, so it could've been pretty bad... or petty... or whatever. Regardless, she isn't concerned over the substance of the fight but of the fight itself. This is what Ted needs to tackle, not any "issues."

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by JohnT
BTW, for those of you who recommend dumping this girl because "if this is how she acts now...":

Huh?

Not a single post that I've seen has said that. Are you hallucinating again?

[MrFun]

Ted, you got my sympathies.

[JohnT]

If she really did like you that much in the first place, would she be willing to break over a misunderstanding? After you apologized?

This was Shi... I didn't quote him exactly, but I'm pretty sure I got the attitude right.

And then UR:

Ask yourself, is the bond between you two so fragile that it can't weather a misunderstanding on your part?

[Boris Godunov]

Neither of which say, "dump her" because "if this is how she acts now..." Shi's tone certainly doesn't speak to "dumping" anyone. He's just saying that Ted should consider that maybe she is also being a bit unreasonable in her response. Note how he wished Ted good luck after that? I think you're manufacturing something that simply isn't there for the sake of being belligerent with someone.

[JohnT]

Well, I'm not going to bandy semantics or parse sentences, but I did get the impression of "if that's how she acts, you're better off without her" in their words. You didn't. C'est la vie.