Apolyton opening sentence contest (revisited)

[PLATO]

Originally posted by jimmytrick


The capital H leads one to believe that the Horizon is a ship. The string "another fun filled picnic outing" is so bad it makes the teeth grind.

The last two words could be dropped. I can't go more than 3/10 for this one.

Well, I can't argue any of that. It was a first ever attempt though. I'll take the 3 and be happy.

[monolith94]

"Tsk, tsk. Traditionally, a good story should contain equal amounts of religion, aristocracy, mystery and romance."

EEEEEEEH?

You're weird.

[Winston]

It's a joke...

[Jon Miller]

Originally posted by Immortal Wombat
Sure it wasn't the best plan, it involved too many levers, tripwires and guns made of rusty nails, but under the circumstances it was the best I could do.

I think this wuold be better the way I read it first

with 'lawyers' instead of 'levers'

as far as mine goes

" As Micahal strode purposely towards the throne, he saw (to the left, behind the throne) Shayna (the only sentient being (other than himself) that he had left alive in the universe) undergoing the transformation (which they had used on every other being) into a blackhole."

Jon Miller

[Capt Dizle]

As the escalator descended he eyed Mikey Two-Step, and remembered his instructions; strike quickly and cleanly so that neither the victim nor his aorta would react until he was safely away.

[Alex]

When John decided that he would kill himself, he never thought it would be so easy.

[Stefu]

When the first thing you see waking up at a morning is a 300-pound man wearing an ill-fitting ballerina suit and telling you "It is not going to be a good day", you better believe him.

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Winston
Tsk, tsk. Traditionally, a good story should contain equal amounts of religion, aristocracy, mystery and romance.

So basically, an opening sentence along the lines of "God Almighty", cried the countess, "how on Earth did I get pregnant?" would be ideal.

Where are religion, romance, and mystery?

[Vlad Antlerkov]

Fear.

(edit: yeah, I know this is plagiarized from Leonard Koppett...)

[DAVOUT]

*There were many reasons which could have explained why that assignment was an utter failure ; I could have been pleading simple or tortuous excuses, generally accepted pretexts, imaginative fallacies, coloured or flat lies, but for once I was under the unusual impression that there was no safer way than telling the truth.*

I know : lack of aristocracy, religion, romance, but I can get 1 anyway

[Richelieu]

As i clicked the link i remembered how they had all told me id' be back, that no one ever left this place for good.

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by Urban Ranger
Where are religion, romance, and mystery?

Are you purposefully trying to be humorless, or did you just not get it?

[Brundlefly]

How about this one, Mono:

"Get contacts, get a haircut, get better clothes, and lose some weight."

[monolith94]

"Get contacts, get a haircut, get better clothes, and lose some weight."

On the one hand, it rings realistic, but on the other hand it seems a bit derivative of trainspotting. Still, it has punch. 6/10

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

It needs a good follow-up line.

"Get laid, get that bum-fluff off your face and get out of mine."