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I let one person be a reason for me to live, and that is just plain dumb.
Since we're all sharing here.
I used to be a physics major. Major in physics and Astronomy. Best student in my high school, made it in the best univeristy in the province, at least for sciences. Maybe 10 people in my graduating class of 400 made it out of my hometown for school.
After a year of uni, I met my ex back in my hometown, and we had a wonderful summer together, my first summer back from uni. She was in high school, so there were 2 years difference between us. She was very liberal, and I liked that, since back then I used to lean that way. I'd been very sheltered up until then and she helped me come out of my shell.
I had no problem with going away and coming back after 4 months of school, after the summer, but I knew she would. I tried to make a long-distance relationship work, while wondering whether she would wait. By December she started seeing another guy. All I asked is that she tell me, out of courtesy for my feelings.
Sure enough, she kept it from me for a month, and waited until the day after christmas to tell me. Hearing her talk about this new guy, whom she met in a bar, (she was underage,) who was much older than her, teed me off.
Somehow, I had the control to just say, thanks for telling me now. I knew this would last for a week or so, and then she would be by herself again. I figured I could do without her, since she cared very little for me, but I completely fell apart.
Over the next month, I had to go back to school, I couldn't concentrate on anything. Spent a month holed up in my room, sleeping around 15 hours everyday. It was better to curl up in bed rather than having to face my classes. Couldn't get angry at her, so I pushed everything down.
She called during this month, I took her back, but it made me feel worse. I took two weeks off in February to go back home and to sort things out. When I went back, she said she had always thought of me like her brother, and that she only went out with me because of pity.
After this, I went back down to school to try to rebuild my life. While I was depressed, I had a friend of my take me to his Mennonite church, because he knew I needed help. I left my program, went into the History department, joined the Mennonite church. I went to the doctor, and they offered me anti-depressants, but I told them drugs would not help. I needed time and counselling.
I remember one day that April, arguing back and forth with my ex. I sent her a letter that said either put up or shut up. If you want to be with me, I'm looking for marriage. She said that if this was the case, all she wanted was a restraining order. It had been a long cold winter, but the sun had finally started shining.
Now, what can I say? Dom Pedro, it's never too late to start over. You can start today. Do an inventory of your life and sort out the good from the bad. Tear away as much of the bad as you can, and try to build up the good.
. I thought it might be better to off myself before getting to the stage where I had no choice anymore. I don't like the idea of being a burden.
Forgetting that in order to get to that stage, you have to at first have been afraid and terrified. 
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