School Dress Codes - How is my arguement.

[Sheik]

For an AP English class I have to write a speech trying to convince an audience that abolishing the school's dress code
(for refrence North Yarmouth Academy is the school's name).
This is what I have written and I would like to know what others think. If you are currently taking college classes on rhetoric or are a teacher of some sort that would be great but basically any comments are welcome and people if they want can just use this thread to argue either one way or the other.

Here is my speech:

The North Yarmouth Academy student handbook section on school dress begins,

“The dress code at North Yarmouth Academy is a tradition that symbolically distinguishes NYA from other schools and represents a set of values that are important to the academy”

At first this statement may sound wholesome, praiseworthy, and professional. But upon reading it closely it is easy to become critical of the guidelines. The last line states that the code represents values important to the academy raising the issue that the policy makes no provision that provides for the acceptance and expression of values important to the student. The primary problems with the enforcement of a dress code are it deprives students of free expression, promotes poor morale, and creates an educational environment that fails to uphold the ideas of individualism. By limiting free expression through dress North Yarmouth Academy hinders the ability of an adolescent student to shape their identity as an adult, a process that the academy claims to advance. Students and teachers alike - today are embracing diversity and a culture that champions the creative, promotes the unusual, and accepts non-conformity. A dress code is counter-productive to the fostering of a diverse environment, that is an environment that is more than racially diverse, an environment that is culturally diverse, an environment that is politically diverse, and an environment that is religiously diverse.

Proponents of a restricting dress code will claim that uniform dress and forced conformity breeds respect. This is false, rather than breed respect a restricting dress code creates animosity. Forcing mainstream quote unquote respectful dress on the student body creates a population that resents the code as an infringement on their comfort, and most basic of freedoms; the freedom to choose, the freedom to be oneself, and the freedom to speak as well as demonstrate their minds.

Recently the public received exposure to one injustice out of many that was perpetuated by a dress code. On Saturday October 11, 2003 an Oklahoma board of education met to discuss the expulsion of a student and nearly every paper in the country reported on it. This scope of interest would seem to suggest such issues as gun control in schools, and drug use were being discussed. In reality the conversation surrounded an 11 year old girl named Nashala Hern. Nashala didn’t bring a gun to school, nor did she sell drugs to her peers; all she did was wear her Muslim head scarf called a “hijab” to school. By wearing her scarf, a demonstration of her faith, Nashala violated the schools “no hats or head coverings” dress code policy. In this case the school in a most serious manner infringed on the practice of Nashala’s most intimate beliefs and effectively denied her the right to practice her religion. All students should be proud that Nashala refused to remove her scarf, and all administrators should be embarrassed that she was expelled.

Dress codes, whether they are preventing the expression of a small idea or a show of protest; or are infringing on a demonstration of a persons unyielding faith are wrong. No matter what the circumstances dress codes, even inadvertently, are a violation of human rights and the free expression of ideas. Dress codes create discomfort. They are counterproductive to the spread of diversity, they are counterproductive to the spread of knowledge, and they are counterproductive to the promotion of the values that human culture as a whole embraces. Under these conditions dress codes must be abolished.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read that and thanks to anyone who has anything to say about the issue.

[Kirnwaffen]

You can take everything I say with a grain of salt, because I'm in high school, but I would make the following (small) changes:

The primary problems with the enforcement of a dress code are it deprives students of free expression, promotes poor morale, and creates an educational environment that fails to uphold the ideas of individualism.

"Are it" is a tad akward. I think it would probably be better to use a "that" somewhere in there. The other possibility would be to use "deprivation of free expression, promotion of poor morale, etc.". That's a style choice, and is totally up to you.

I would not use the phrase "quote, unquote". I would use something like "so-called" or "what has been arbitrarily defined as". Something along those lines. Again, a style choice.

As far as your argument goes, (no offense intended) I think it is a bit cliche. Unfortunately, this is a topic that is difficult to come up with original and creative arguments for. That, however, does not mean that it won't be effective. Your example is a bit extreme, but that will probably gain you points for technique, in the end.

[Berzerker]

Not bad, but how will you counter the opposition's arguments? One valid reason for dress codes are "gang colors" so to speak. Not having a dress code can result in violence... Maybe your school doesn't have a gang problem or doesn't sit in an area where gangs operate, but many schools do have these problems.

[Kirnwaffen]

Berz is right, especially if you're talking about AP Lang. They will nail your ass if you don't acknowledge the opposition.

[Zkribbler]

Now, you want to hear something really scary??

I just spent the last several months negotiating a "personal appearance policy" i.e. dress code where I work. We even had to go to mediation--where management backed down on the key sticking point--women don't have to wear stockings.

[Drake Tungsten]

School uniforms are great. I think all American schools should have them.

[Nubclear]

Put communism somewhere there.

[Tuberski]

Originally posted by Comrade Tassadar
Put communism somewhere there.

Yeah start it with:

"Dress Code? What are you, Communists?"

ACK!

[Nubclear]

No, something more along the lines of
"All revolutionary comrades actively oppose dress codes! All true communists condemn those whom support counter-revolutionary dress codes!"

[Drake Tungsten]

I like Deathtongue's idea better...

[Ned]

Why don't you say that it inhibits displays of relative wealth and poverty that distinguish the students by class. Knowing who we are and what at an early age is so important to creating an aura of failure for the poor that is so important to maintaining the status quo in society.

And so on and so on.

Praise the code by damnation. You will forever be admired.

[Ben Kenobi]

That's not bad, Ned.


Sheik:
As for your speech.

I'll give some stylistic critiques, and then onto the arguments.

At first this statement may sound wholesome, praiseworthy, and professional.

In a speech, you need to employ rhetorical devices, particularly alliteration and parallelism. I would replace wholesome with 'proper'.

But upon reading it closely it is easy to become critical of the guidelines.

'K, don't use but to start a sentence.

"Upon critical examination, one notices numerous flaws."

The last line states that the code represents values important to the academy raising the issue that the policy makes no provision that provides for the acceptance and expression of values important to the student.

Stop about half-way in this sentence, replacing the weak verb, 'states' with 'claims'

"The last line claims that the code represents values important to the academy. This raises the obvious question as to what are these values?"

The primary problems with the enforcement of a dress code are it deprives students of free expression, promotes poor morale, and creates an educational environment that fails to uphold the ideas of individualism.

This is your most important sentence, your thesis.
Point 1 and point 3 are superfluous. They say the same thing.

Now, let's see if we can't improve this sentence.

"There are two primary problems with this dress code, all contrary to the expressed values of this institution. First, the policy fails to accomodate student expression and individualism. Secondly the policy fails to inspire student spirit.

I think that I'll stop here with the stylistic alterations.

Here is how I would hammer your thesis.

First of all, does this policy lower morale? Could I not just as easily claim that common uniforms create the spirit of a community, hence enhancing morale?

Secondly, as for individuality, and freedom of expression, I would probably argue that one's dress has very little to do with one's personality. Why should we judge a book by it's cover? We ought to look into the actual people behind the clothes rather than at the clothes themselves.

As for individuality, why then do so many teens dress to be like someone else? If they are trying to express themselves, why do they seek to fit in? Clearly one's dress does not lead to individual expression, but rather to cliques and conformity.

[Berzerker]

Why don't you say that it inhibits displays of relative wealth and poverty that distinguish the students by class.

Good one, Ned, getting into the minds of the commies.

Okay, so how does Sheik counter the Marxist appeal to a classless society when freedom of dress results in displays of class distinctions? If it's a private school he may not have to worry about that, but those damn commies are everywhere...everywhere I tell ya!

I don't know how you can overcome that one, Sheik.

[Apocalypse]

Uniforms are good...it takes no time to get dressed since you don't have to decide what to wear.