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Independence Day. I hated the film so much, I wanted the aliens to win. I wanted the earth turned into a glass sphere. I wanted someone to plunge a large tent peg into my head.
Exorcist II: the Heretic. I would rather convert to mormonism than watch this piece of dreck again. Richard Burton gives a particularly scene stealing performance as a slice of ham in a dog collar.
Braveheart. Made me want Scotland and Mel Gibson abolished. Well, just Gibson then. See also the Patriot. And Lethal Weapon III.
Bill Cosby's Leonard Part VI or whatever the number was. No redeeming features, other than it wasn't as long as Chelsea Girls. Could be used to torture North Koreans.
Hellraiser III- how to milk a good idea and turn it into cat smegma. Like buying what you think is a Chardin still life and discovering you have dogs playing billiards.
She's the One or whatever it was called. No she wasn't, and I could hear my arteries hardening as the film crept slowly to a final reel of mind-numbing dullness.
Predator II- flashy, incoherent and Danny Glover in bad trousers. And Garry Busey- whatever happened to him since Big Wednesday? L.A. in the future seemed remarkably like L.A. of 1980.
The Jazz Singer with Neil Diamond- a film with so much ham it should have been declared unkosher to go and see it. Laurence Olivier gives one of his awful oi vey baby yiddisher kidder portrayals. See also Boys from Brazil.
Four Weddings and a Funeral- turn on a flame thrower on this, and on Hugh Grant, as yet again he plays someone with an incredible resemblance to....Hugh Grant. Supposedly funny film, Rowan Atkinson as a priest who, hilariously! gets the words of the marriage vows wrong, oh my, how funny, not! Best thing about it was John Hannah's funeral oration- but even that was Auden's work, not the film's.
Woody Allen's Stardust Memories- eye cancer would be preferable. Preferable to have it and profound deafness before having to view this again. Actually, death would be preferable.
Sliver- saliva would be more appropriate, as you'll find yourself drooling as the film numbs your brain. Why couldn't Mr. Baldwin just get his clothes off and pose, it would have been so much more interesting than this film. See also Basic Instinct- worth burning just for Michael Douglas in a v-neck pullover at a night club.
Leslie Nielsen's Repossessed- why wasn't it before it reached the screens? I laughed twice, and that was being generous.
Exorcist II: the Heretic. I would rather convert to mormonism than watch this piece of dreck again. Richard Burton gives a particularly scene stealing performance as a slice of ham in a dog collar.
Braveheart. Made me want Scotland and Mel Gibson abolished. Well, just Gibson then. See also the Patriot. And Lethal Weapon III.
Bill Cosby's Leonard Part VI or whatever the number was. No redeeming features, other than it wasn't as long as Chelsea Girls. Could be used to torture North Koreans.
Hellraiser III- how to milk a good idea and turn it into cat smegma. Like buying what you think is a Chardin still life and discovering you have dogs playing billiards.
She's the One or whatever it was called. No she wasn't, and I could hear my arteries hardening as the film crept slowly to a final reel of mind-numbing dullness.
Predator II- flashy, incoherent and Danny Glover in bad trousers. And Garry Busey- whatever happened to him since Big Wednesday? L.A. in the future seemed remarkably like L.A. of 1980.
The Jazz Singer with Neil Diamond- a film with so much ham it should have been declared unkosher to go and see it. Laurence Olivier gives one of his awful oi vey baby yiddisher kidder portrayals. See also Boys from Brazil.
Four Weddings and a Funeral- turn on a flame thrower on this, and on Hugh Grant, as yet again he plays someone with an incredible resemblance to....Hugh Grant. Supposedly funny film, Rowan Atkinson as a priest who, hilariously! gets the words of the marriage vows wrong, oh my, how funny, not! Best thing about it was John Hannah's funeral oration- but even that was Auden's work, not the film's.
Woody Allen's Stardust Memories- eye cancer would be preferable. Preferable to have it and profound deafness before having to view this again. Actually, death would be preferable.
Sliver- saliva would be more appropriate, as you'll find yourself drooling as the film numbs your brain. Why couldn't Mr. Baldwin just get his clothes off and pose, it would have been so much more interesting than this film. See also Basic Instinct- worth burning just for Michael Douglas in a v-neck pullover at a night club.
Leslie Nielsen's Repossessed- why wasn't it before it reached the screens? I laughed twice, and that was being generous.
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