It's that time again...

[Ben Kenobi]

I don't know what made them be together in the first place.

Your mom's a marriage counselor.

Might be a good place to start. Ask.

[Sikander]

Originally posted by Agathon


Agathong?

'Cause you are always riding up someone's a$$?

[Sikander]

Pekka,

Don't take all of this upon yourself. It isn't the time of your life yet to take care of your parents. Your dad sounds like mine, he who has ridden 3 marriages into the ground by being a workaholic. When the last wife left him he started to call me every week (previously we talked a few times a year), and his neediness almost overwhelmed me at 40 years of age. The good thing is that he has recovered pretty well, and decided to make some changes in his life. He retired from the University last week, bought a RV (a vehicle that you can live in) and is leaving on a cross-country journey on Friday.

I'm relieved that he seems to be moving forward under his own power, and also hopeful to see all of this previously invisible energy and desire for life in him. I hope that your father has the same things hidden inside him, I suspect that he does. I wonder whether you are in such a state emotionally (you have a lot of reason to be) that everything is seeming worse than it really is. The starkness of your descriptions and their intensity suggests so to me. Take care of yourself (talking on the internet is good, doing so in person is better) first, and when you have recovered a bit of your own hope, take another look at the situation. Hopefully things won't seem so desperate. In any event you will be in a better position to deal with them.

If you and your father are indeed much alike, the best thing you can do is lead by example. Show him the way by living a fulfilling and balanced life to the best of your ability. Even if he is unable or unwilling to follow your lead exactly, it will put him at ease to know that you'll be ok.

You have me best wishes for an improved future for you and your family.

[Chemical Ollie]

Pekka,
I had a pretty tough year at age 22 as well. First, I failed several exams in some impossible subjects like Chemical Reaction Chinetics and Chemical Engineering. Then my girlfriends father got a heart attack and died. Finally, my own father died in a painful cancer six months later.

But I landed on my feet. I passed those exams at second or third attempt, got my degree and got the job I always wanted.

I'm sure you will land on your feet too. And I agree with those who said you should care more about yourself than about your parents. They put themselves in this mess and it's not your job to fix it. Get a job or try the University test again.

Good luck.

[Pekka]

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling more normal again. I'm making new plans as we speak. I'll put myself to Uni, what ever it takes. I won't go through the same life as my old man did. Unfortunately I can't try for another year, which is bad, but I'll find some way. I'm confident now, I thought I was confident earlier, but now I'm reaaaaally confident.

I'm thinking of establishing my own small business. I always have, but now I have the time to really work it, the ideas and all that. I try to make some connections, but it's not easy because I'm starting from scratch, but everyone does start from there. I'll still go studying for sure, but this is just to keep myself occupied, and when I finally get a degree, I'm set and ready to go from there.
I know that I'll succeed. it's just that feeling, you know? I have ideas and I just can't put them to work just yet or have the connections, but how hard can it be? If they fail, I'll just have to come up with a new one. I just need to keep rolling with the punches and try new things.

People don't know, but I'm too tough for myself, and I realized it today. I storage these things into me, and then use them as energy and motivation. I should change that, so my source of energy would be something positive, I think. I haven't learned to forgive myself, and that will take time and I don't know if I ever learn it. But I realized today, that this is one of my problems. I never reward myself, or if I fail, I somehow think I need to be punished, so that I'll eventually learn.
Then I punish myself forbidding all fun, until I succeed in what I was doing. Now I need some time to think, make new plans, and then next week I'll reward myself with quality time in the cabin. Just me and my cousin (who has a burn out now, taking some time off too), we'll make good food, drink lots of beer, swim in the lake and be in sauna all day long, just relaxing and chilling. It will be great fun, and then I'll be back to dominate the world .

[Japher]

You can succeed at anything you want to.

Funny, how corny that sounds, but it is true. They use to tell us that in elementry school. Then in high school they started telling you that your better at this, than that, so you should focus on this. Then, in college they actually told me that I wasn't cut out for Chemical Engineering. I too failed several classes, and when I asked for help (i.e. tutor, some classes on time management, etc.) the told me I should switch majors. Wow! I though, what a great counciler... So, I went up the ladder until I found someone who would actually tell me what I wanted to hear, and would actually listen to me when I spoke. She helped me get through college and to get the degree that I wanted, and not what everyone else thought I should get. Now, I am Chemical Engineer, making drugs, for one of the largest pharmeceutical companies in the world! Funny, how corny that sounds, but it is true...

22 is a good age to start failing, IMO. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. You can trip and even fall flat on your face, and still have enough time in life to keep going. The trick is getting back up one more time than you have fallen... Also, another trick, is to learn to take no for answer, and when someone tells you no to go ask someone else. Someone will eventually tell you yes, and that makes all the difference.

Another thing. My wife sucks at sewing, I mean she awful. It is a really bad day when she decides to sew, because it always ends with her in tears and me comforting her. The last time this happened I didn't comfort her when she began having a hissy fit because her stitch work was horrible. I just told her, that sucks too bad, guess you'll have to start over... She then got mad at me. I told her that if you don't like sewing enough to do it wrong and to still want to do it again, then perhaps sewing is not for you, and you shouldn't do it. I went out for a cig and when I came back in she was pulling out the stitching ready to do it again.

I love to cook, however, I have been having trouble making eggless pasta for my dad. I have gone through 3 bags of simolina, and have thrown away more dough than I care to mention. My problem was that I just couldn't get the ravioli to stick. Can't use an egg wash! SO I tried flour and water, corn startch and water, I also had one batch that hardened before I woke up out of a blackout (I learned not to drink when cooking that day)... Anyway, I finally got it to work (pruch with water only, maybe a light dusting of flour, and stuff it quickly after cutting)... Thing is, I didn't mind my failures, I just wanted to cook.

I don't know why I wrote all this. Maybe because it shows that ppl fail and still survive, maybe to show that you can learn from your mistakes, maybe to try to encourage you to do what you want and love to do and not what is expected of you or told to you, maybe I'm just bored... I think it is high time you began focusing on yourself, but you should also know that it is tough. People aren't always going to be around to pick you up when your down or to lend a hand when you need one, but if you look for them, they are there... You just have to look harder sometimes than others.

Right now I am in the process of looking for about 400-500 thousand dollars (that's a lot of money, huh) so that I can start investing in real estate. I don't have a cent. I am pretty confident, however, that I will find it. If not I am sure I will learn a lot by looking. Anyway, no dream is too big to have, some are too big to chase however, but how do know unless go for it?

[SlowwHand]

Cruddy made some excellent points in summation.
Nothing for me to add, except keep your chin up, kid.

[Pekka]

Good advices.. I've always been expetionally bad loser when I fail. But I'll try to learn.. and don't you guys worry, I'm already back swinging, and I'm not planning to quit. I hate quitters. It's true that winners never quit and quitters never win.

[Ben Kenobi]

Japher:

Thanks for the sig material. Really brightened my day.

[Pekka]

It's a good one too. It's true. I just wanted to dwell in this for a day, I hope everyone doesn't think I'm like this all the time, quitting and all. It's not true. I'm in good spirits again and hope is high.

Oh damn, 3rd period started alreday.. GO ANAHEIM!

[Tuberski]

Originally posted by Sikander


'Cause you are always riding up someone's a$$?

Quote material!

ACK!