The Phalanx Editorial Office

[Kassiopeia]

Alright, I'm starting now to build Issue #3, if you want to stop the presses the time is now.

We're supposed to learn French as our second language, but of course, as English is the international lingua franca, I speak French worse than English. Heck, I have hardly spoken or read French the last two years.

Replace "French" with "Swedish", and that part'd fit me too. Of course, in Belgium AFAIK it's like half French and half Flemish, here it's 95% Finnish and 5% Swedish. But I digress.

I wasn't sure which part of Belgium Ghent is in, so I just guessed you spoke French, mainly because I'd forgotten what the other language was caled.

[Kassiopeia]

Here are the contents:

In Issue #3:

- New Feature: Netflash! (news report)
- Being a Spartan, Part III (educational)
- What Our Emblem Stands For (educational)
- Hazing - a Necessary Evil or an Abomination? (opinion)
- Recon Rover Routine Report - MY 2115 (news report)

Only five articles (unless I've missed one), but the long Rover Report and the bulletins will cover for that just fine.

[Kassiopeia]

Some commentary may be in order.

I did a lot of actual editing in this issue, creating more white space and modifying some articles to make them fit in better with the big picture. I hope that's ok with everyone, your contributions rock.

The Constitution was something I came up with at a whim, and I think it's not really necessary for us to actually write anything substantial about it. Maybe make it something we refer to sometimes to justify stuff, a sort of trump card or the like. The recurring theme of the Constitution being finalised and drafted and finalised again might make for an interesting venue, obviously someone is stonewalling it or there aren't in reality any plans at all to make a Constitution.

This was a pretty "heavy" issue, not that much humour like in #1 or #2. It's a difficult thing to write so it's more than understandable, but I'd like to get a lighter tone to #4. Maybe add a tinge of that good old Hiverian pompousness by painting things with an overtly positive brush.

[Zeiter]

Speaking of The Hive, here's a silly little article about good ol' Chairman Yang. I assume we'll meet the Hive before the next issue is published, and I'm guessing it wouldn't be a bad idea to let it be known that we've met Yang already. BTW, I don't know how to put pictures in the middle of posts, so I'll just attach them at the end, and you can rearrange them when you edit the paper together.

--

Chairman Yang Morbidly Obese!

With the Hive forces met by the Spartan gun foil team and comlinks exchanged, the Spartan high command prepared for their conference with Yang. Lt. Col. Maniac and Captain Kassiopeia opened the vidfeed channel and waited anxiously. Finally, the image of Chairman Yang drifted into focus on the holoview. The entire Spartan high command recoiled in horror and disgust. Since Planetfall, Chairman Yang had ballooned in weight to over 2500 kg!

Before:
[insert picture of Yang]

After:
[insert picture of Jabba the Hutt]


Recent intelligence indicates that Chairman Yang is currently devouring over 150 kg of food a day. Apparently, Yang’s doctors continually warned him against his current eating habits, at least until last month, when Yang ordered them murdered for giving “unfavorable advice.” Our scientists estimate that Chairman Yang’s heart will collapse in on itself in approximately 7 months, unless Chairman Yang immediately reduces his food consumption. Even more troubling, Chairman Yang appears to be going insane. Barely able to construct the most basic sentences or form coherent words, Yang’s mind seems to be in a pathetic state. Here’s an exclusive audiofeed transmission from Hive HQ to illustrate:

Captain Kassiopeia: “I suggest that we discuss sharing our map data.”
Chairman Yang: “Iko waki lolo uda han solo."
Captain Kassiopeia: “Pardon me? I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand what you are saying.”
Chairman Yang: “Goda nadi wando hido millennium falcon, ho, ho, ho…”
Captain Kassiopeia: “Uhhh…okay...”

Thus, an insane psychopath currently commands the planet’s most powerful military and overall faction. We can only hope that Chairman Yang starts to restrain himself from eating huge amounts of food, and that he finds a way to pull himself out of his mental madness.

[Zeiter]

And here's the Jabba the Hutt/Yang picture:

[Kassiopeia]

I'm literally Laughing Out Loud here, great

Now THIS is propaganda, gentlemen.

[GeneralTacticus]

[Andemagne]

and Maniac, Great article too.

[Kassiopeia]

Bump.

So, so far I have a few netflashes in mind, then we have Being a Spartan IV and of course Zeiter's great piece. Would like a few more articles, but take your time.

[Maniac]

Could we not include Googlie's Attack plans for the Hive in the next Phalanx?

[Zeiter]

Yeah, that's an excellent idea! We could write about it being a top secret information leak from the high command or something.

[Kassiopeia]

Yeah, more leaks

[Primus Pilus]

i'm composing little blurbs about Primus's escapades as Lead Spear and eventually Lead Harpoon. where should i post these?

[Kassiopeia]

You can post them here, they most likely are Phalanx-worthy material.

[Maniac]

I still needed to write some follow-up article on the gladiator story. Here's a first draft. Any suggestions for improvement?

***

Once again the traditional gladiator tournament was held at the nearing end of our current Mission Year. And once again the traditional City Parade was organized, a demonstration against the fights. But this year things ended differently. Sparta Command base governor Fernando Arroyo, known to be a conservative, had all demonstrators arrested on the following charges:

• Disturbance of public order
• Public nudity
• Suspection of sympathies for the Gaian naked treehuggers

To their horror, the demonstrators were immediately sent to the arena, as Sparta is suffering from a shortage of criminals - and thus possible gladiators. Repulsed by this course of affairs, shortly after new people came to the streets, demanding the release of the demonstrators, and defending the right to hold a City Parade. But in response supporters of the gladiator fights started counterprotesting the Parade-supporters. Fortunately the Shinsengumi Armoured Brigade was able to intervene before things turned ugly. Yet tensions still remain. Both parties are holding petitions to rally for their cause, and are vying for your signature.

So what side do you support? Vote in our poll, and let us know!


Possible poll options:
I demand gladiator fights!
I demand a City Parade!
I demand a compromise: naked mud wrestling fights!
I demand a Xenobrew!