The Phalanx Editorial Office

[Kassiopeia]

Ah! Here the star rating usually goes from 1 to 5 (film critics etc. always use that scale), so I was slightly confused there.

[sentry33]

destroying cultural diversity (Morgan Entertainment), the freedom of speech and expression (Morgansoft) and the environment (Morgan Industries).

Gawds, love that part! :

Great article

[Snoddasmannen]

Awesome article Kassi!

Spartan soldiers - have courage! Spartan mothers - have strength! Spartan leaders - have wisdom!

OK, I'm inspired Now where are those Morgans and their turn?

[Kassiopeia]

I was inspired to a rather frightening degree too by the time I wrote that

[Googlie]

Great special edition !!

[Snoddasmannen]

Time to do your editorial voodoo that you-do so well Kassi

It would be fun to post the Debbie-story (which can be found in this thread) this turn, before we send to the Gaians. And also, any thoughts on promoting me to chief of Gaian relations or something like that? I'd hate to have insulted them so bad in the beginning of the game and then not using it to scare them further

In other news: Major Snoddasmannen, who was recently fired from his position as curator of the military museum, following an unfortunate incident involving a liberal citizens rights group visiting the premises, has been assigned to lead Spartan diplomatic relations with Gaia. His press spokesperson announced that Snoddasmannen was most pleased and excited about the opportunity to study this intruiging culture in great detail and couldn't wait to arrange a visit.

[Kassiopeia]

It's 8:00 here and I haven't slept tonight, err, today yet, so I'll have to go to bed now, but first thing in the... evening, I'll start working on our next issue.

[Kassiopeia]

This is what the issue is starting to look like:

In Issue #7:
- Debbie Murdered! (obituary)
- New Junta Appointment Announced (news)
- Spartans Organize, Create The Citizen's Defence Force (news)
- Naval Incident Severs Gaian Relations (news)

[Kassiopeia]

And also:

- Colonel Santiago Revived (news)
- Chiron Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Gaians (fiction)

Although resuscitating Santiago just now is probably going to overload the issue; maybe delay that one until Maniac and Googlie are Generals? (just in case )

[Kassiopeia]

Test:



Edit: SUCCESS! I got the transparency to work. This, gentlemen, is the emblem of the Citizen's Defence Force. I'm thinking of a motto right now, We Protect Our Kin perhaps?

[Snoddasmannen]

Looking great Kassi
I'm really looking forward to this issue!

We Protect Our Kin is fine by me

[Modo44]

I think we need an article on the newly acuired +1 Planet rating of Sparta. Should be a nice thorn in the side of the Morgan-Gaia alliance.

[Googlie]

Maybe after we capture our first mindworm or IoD?

[Maniac]

Just assembling some articles for a next Phalanx.

Military Recruitment Message

JOB VACANCY : Chief Brood Trainer

Requirements:

• Possess psi talents
• Like working with animals, and love pets
• Like outdoors activity
• Experience with sniffing fungal spores

Wuy is now in charge of the native life units, but this is still a good way to tell the other factions we've got worms.

[Maniac]

Chiron Wars Final Episode: The Sex Dolls Strike Back

One Sentence IC Story by members of the Junta

(Continuing from The Phalanx #7)

Previously in Chiron Wars...

"Okay, in a second, when I tell you that we're all possibly going to die, try not to overreact." Zeiter hurriedly replied as he sprinted down the hallway.

"What the hell he was talking about..." Maniac muttered while taking a close look at the object Zeiter dropped.

In super slow-motion, Zeiter jumped at Maniac and the object and yelled, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

And now the conclusion...


Suddenly Zeiter woke up screaming, and heard a local Gaian beauty lying next to him in bed whisper sweet-voiced in his ear "Have you had a nightmare, my hero?"

"Damn, somebody must have fungal spiked my Centauri bubbly", Zeiter proclaims, "and who the hell are you"? as he gazes at the nubile Gaian (censored)... His eyes suddenly coming into focus, Zeiter quickly added, "Er, oh, it's you, my love...yes, it was a very frightening dream...I think that cold draft has been bothering me in my sleep." as he slid deeper under the covers.

Zeiter had only just slid under the covers, when suddenly the door to the bedroom was slammed open and a Spartan officer entered. Out of habit, Lt. Col Maniac yelled "What the HELL is going on here?" before seeing the beautiful Gaian woman on the bed and adding "Oh, excuse me, Miss but...uh...I was just trying to find Zeiter and tell him that he's wanted in the covert ops room ASAP, so if you happen to see him, you can give him that message."

Meanwhile, Kassiopeia sat back in his chair sipping xenocoffee at the Covert Ops room and thought back to how they managed to exfiltrate from Gaian territory, and even bring back some nubile Gaian [censored] along with them - ah, the simple pleasures of life.

The Gaian beauty looked at Zeiter in awe and wonder, and longingly wispered "Oh no, do you think this mission is going to be dangerous?"
"Certainly dear, but do not worry, there's nothing on this planet that could keep me from coming back to you."

And Lt Colonel Googlie, his epaulettes still crisp and golden-hued from his recent promotion, looked across at Major Kassiopeia and inquired:
"And what are you grinning so wickedly about ............ it's got naught to do with that crate of Gaian blow-up sex dolls we intercepted, is it?

Kassiopeia snapped to attention: "Of course not, sir, I was just reminiscing how we managed to wiggle ourselves out of Gaian territory, surrounded by thousands of search patrols for the first two hundred miles of the trip, using only chewing gum, shoe strings and fungus spores, and of course the blow-up dolls - I wonder if anyone bothered to mention to Zeiter that while they're almost like the real thing, even talk and interact and everything, that they're not really... real?"

Googlie's eyes misted over as he thought about that episode now referred to as "The Crate Escape" when they had intercepted the slow-moving gaian tramp steamer but in turn had been nudged by the Isle of the Deep, traumatizing the crew and leaving the officers stranded on the Gaian shoreline with just their Morgan Nike-clone runners, some boxes of chewing gum that they'd been hoping to trade to the Gaians to fix the cracks on their ancient Unity Rovers ........... and the crate of blow-up dolls

"Oh, don't go, my hero, oh please, how I desire to KILL YOU...I mean, be kissed and ravished by you!"

Meanwhile, back at Gaia's Landing, Professor Darsnan, the architect of the advanced AI, listened to the intercepts now feeding into his neural receptors and guffawed

BWAHAHA ............ BWAHBWAHAHAH !!

Major Kassiopeia looked at the monitors on the walls and noticed something peculiar about a certain reading in a certain screen that detailed the output of a frequency analyzer installed in the room in case someone would try to eavesdrop on them using a Gaian half-sentient nubile blow-up [censored] some day - clearly the Spartans had a contingency for any situation.

Lt Colonel Googlie's eyes followed those of Major Kassiopeia to the screen, where, observing the activity spike, he leapt to his feet and yelled: "By Chiron, it's the Colonel .......... she's out of her coma" and rushed from the room in the greates haste.

Kassiopeia looked at the screen and also noticed the electroencephalogram's graph jumping up and down most perkily, and this certainly distracted him from the reading that might have exposed to him Professor Darsnan's nefarious plot ahead of schedule.

Primus hears the Alarm Bells, falls out of the rack, and mutters "I've got to stop hanging-out with Zeiter before Googlie and Maniac busts my...stripes, and what's this rug doing on my floor?"

Over at the research hospital Doctor Bonaventura was giving Santiago first care after awakening from her coma. He looked up as Lieutenant-Colonels Maniac and Googlie burst simultaneously into the room, and upon seeing the Doctor sitting on the bedside stroking Corazon's hair and muttering "there now, my dear Colonel, there now" as she looked vacantly at him, drool dribbling from the corner of her mouth, said in unison "What the HELL is going in here?", apparently one of the first interrogation phrases learnt at the Officers Training School in Sparta Command.

The Doctor hastily jumped to his feet and snapped to attention, saying "It's worse than you think, Sirs, as I believe that somehow the neural implants of the Colonel have been tampered with while she was in a coma and now she thinks she is a Gaian sex doll, Sirs!!"

"Oh how awful!" Major Kassiopeia, who had followed the Lt-Colonels, exclaimed, starting to dream about the possibilities this could give.

Meanwhile, over at Zeiter's bedroom, his Gaian sex doll awoke, and cried out "What the HELL am I, Corazon Santiago, doing in this bed!?!"

Back in the hospital ward Lt Col Googlie looked over at Lt Colonel Maniac and said: "This does not look good."

"Hmm, seeing this new situation", Maniac suggested turning to Googlie "how about we promote ourselves to Colonel?"

A mindworm appears with two colonel badges attached to it, and waits expectantly.