Help Lori help his friend.

[Ben Kenobi]

Tell him that to get his Ex back he must make her jealous by going out and banging a lot of chicks, getting a good job, settling down with a good woman, raising some kids, being active in community charity events ... and then she will talk to him.

Damn straight.

What are bros for if you can't give him this advice?

[Lorizael]

Be a friend, but maybe don't be too free to volunteer advice, unasked.

I would be fine keeping my mouth shut and simply being there for him, except that he asks me for advice. Asks me to analyze the situation, devise strategies for getting through to her, etc. Our last argument began because he wanted me to contact her directly and urge her to talk to him. (She and I were never friends and I only know her because she was my friend's girlfriend.) From there it's hard to avoid confrontation...

[rah]

Yes, please refrain from getting sucked into contacting her. IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE. Period.

And I always have to chuckle at attempting to get dating advice at a Gaming website. I'm sure most of us struggled with it at some point in our lives.
We eventually get over it, but it's usually not easy.

Now if women actually posted here, it might be different.

[Dinner]

There is very little you can really do other than to try to distract him with other activities.

[rah]

Hookers and Blow will work

[Elok]

It sounds like he's determined to screw his life, and wants you to help him screw his life, and any input other than "yes, I will help you screw your life" will be rejected or ignored. Is there another option I'm leaving off the flowchart here?

[Lorizael]

Well, that's why I came to you guys. I mostly don't want to get into more arguments with my friend, because then he will stop listening to me entirely.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

Sounds like you're screwed, seriously. Ride it out if you can stand to, 'cause loyalty matters.

Again, sometimes all you can do is keep a fellow company while he digs his own Hell - but you're absolutely right to not hand him more shovels. If you can't interest him in a make her jealous scheme --- could you pull off just looking him the eye and flatly refuse to keep giving him advice he won't take? Could you hem, haw and mumble until he stops asking? Beats me.

I've been on the supply side of the problem a lot more often than the friend side, and in the former case, wished I had a friend while I worked through it alone because I had to. I've stuck by a few heartbroken friends, but never got a single damn one to listen to a single damn word of good sense. You end up initiating conversations on any subject but Her in the world, and try to change the subject a lot, and neither works, and he gets more-or-less through it in six months or so -or doesn't- and --- loyalty matters is all. He would have been more miserable had he had nothing but an inverted bucket on a mop handle to talk to incessantly about Her, and maybe if that's all you accomplish, it was still worth something.

[Elok]

Which is to say, he has already stopped listening to you; he's only politely pretending otherwise while scanning superficially for what he wants to hear.

[Lorizael]

...could you pull off just looking him the eye and flatly refuse to keep giving him advice he won't take?

Probably not hard, because he's now pretty explicit about his demand that I either help him with his goal or not attempt to help him at all.

No matter what, I will stick by him. He is a great friend who has given me far more than I've given him. (For example, when I went to the ER back in March, my parents originally came to stay with me. But when it looked like I might be there all night, my friend came, relieved my parents, stuck with me until I was discharged at 4 in the morning, and then took me back to his place to crash. He did this all without hesitation or complaint, because that's what friendship is all about.)

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

[ninja'd - I was following on what Elok said]

Which is to say, he cray-cray right now and not capable of listening. Not much capable of talking about anything else at this stage either, I'll venture. (Of course we're all speculating, but I am him 20 years older, it sounds like.) He wants Mommy to make it all better, and will settle for you. He's going to work though it or not, and you're pretty powerless to do anything but have his back in the form of staying in his life and openly giving a damn about him. I think you're a good fellow inclined to do exactly that, and .

What I'm giving you here is not much more than my "love them while you have them" speech for losing loved ones to Alzheimer's and death in different words. But he'll probably pull through -he doesn't appear to have any choice- and you need to keep as cool as you can manage, and he needs your patience. You sound like you've been doing the right thing, trying sensible council, and I dunno how to get out of the strategizing solicitations, but you're in for a long haul of suck, listening to more about Her than anyone should have to - and it ought to prove a finite ordeal that ends in you getting your friend back able to be a friend back again...

[Elok]

There's a great remark in an old Wondermark "Ask a Gaxian" column that seems appropriate. Not going to dig it up and quote it, but it goes something like: "You are committing the typical human error of assuming your problem has a solution and focusing on fixing it rather than continuing to move towards your goal. Sometimes problem are problems. They're just there. You can't fix them. You can only work around them."

He doesn't want to listen. You can't compel him to listen. You can't change the girl's mind. You can't find him another girlfriend. You can't change his thinking directly. You can't forcibly prevent him from making bad decisions. Instead of focusing on something you have established as an impossibility, find ways to adapt yourself to the situation. Which is to say, damage control. For example, is there a way to keep an eye on his behavior so you can intervene if he does something utterly crazy requiring intervention (e.g. outright stalking, suicide attempts)?

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

Yah. You need to take care of Lori so Lori can take care of him...

-And is that true that you couldn't possibly find him another girlfriend? There's no one you could make introductions with? I've never been in a position to find a guy another dog, but I have played yenta a few times, and found it gratifying...

[Lorizael]

There's a great remark in an old Wondermark "Ask a Gaxian" column that seems appropriate. Not going to dig it up and quote it, but it goes something like: "You are committing the typical human error of assuming your problem has a solution and focusing on fixing it rather than continuing to move towards your goal. Sometimes problem are problems. They're just there. You can't fix them. You can only work around them."

Ironically, this is what I've been trying to tell him.

For example, is there a way to keep an eye on his behavior so you can intervene if he does something utterly crazy requiring intervention (e.g. outright stalking, suicide attempts)?

Not sure what I can do about the former. With regards to the latter, I am super aware of when he falls off the radar and try to get him out of the house and distracted.

[Lorizael]

Yah. You need to take care of Lori so Lori can take care of him...

-And is that true that you couldn't possibly find him another girlfriend? There's no one you could make introductions with? I've never been in a position to find a guy another dog, but I have played yenta a few times, and found it gratifying...

Well as we all know, I can't even find myself a girlfriend.