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One of my oldest, closest friends is having a bad time. He's the same age as I am and, until about this time last year, had never had anything approaching a girlfriend (only random hookups). Well, a few months back, he and his girlfriend broke up. It was a bad breakup, and during a period of possible reconciliation (in my friend's eyes), his girlfriend cut off all contact with him. So he's spent the last few months trying to do whatever he can to reestablish contact. He is absolutely sure that if he can just make her sit down and talk, he can fix things and they can be together again.
Like me, my friend also has a history of depression, and the last few months have been very painful for him. He talks about wanting to kill himself and be dead a lot. There have been a couple instances where we thought he might really be serious and mobilized to "save" him. I've urged him to seek treatment--drugs, therapy, whatever. He is doing so, but half-heartedly.
When my friend comes to me to talk about this situation, he only wants advice on how he can get his ex to talk to him again. He thinks being with her is the only thing that can make him happy, and consequently reuniting with her is the only thing he wants to put any effort into. As someone well acquainted with obsessive tendencies and getting stuck on women, I vehemently disagree and do not want to help him with this. If she doesn't want to talk to him for whatever reason, I believe he has to respect that and find some way to move on, however much doing so may suck.
My friend doesn't want to hear any of this and we've been arguing quite a bit. I am very frustrated by (a) my inability to help him and (b) his apparent desire to follow in my really terrible footsteps. So what I want to know is, what can I do to help him? How do I support him? How do I offer advice that he'll listen to, and that I think will help him, and how do I do it in a way that doesn't lead to more argument and anger? (I've lot my temper a couple times, which clearly doesn't help anyone.) Monkeys.
Like me, my friend also has a history of depression, and the last few months have been very painful for him. He talks about wanting to kill himself and be dead a lot. There have been a couple instances where we thought he might really be serious and mobilized to "save" him. I've urged him to seek treatment--drugs, therapy, whatever. He is doing so, but half-heartedly.
When my friend comes to me to talk about this situation, he only wants advice on how he can get his ex to talk to him again. He thinks being with her is the only thing that can make him happy, and consequently reuniting with her is the only thing he wants to put any effort into. As someone well acquainted with obsessive tendencies and getting stuck on women, I vehemently disagree and do not want to help him with this. If she doesn't want to talk to him for whatever reason, I believe he has to respect that and find some way to move on, however much doing so may suck.
My friend doesn't want to hear any of this and we've been arguing quite a bit. I am very frustrated by (a) my inability to help him and (b) his apparent desire to follow in my really terrible footsteps. So what I want to know is, what can I do to help him? How do I support him? How do I offer advice that he'll listen to, and that I think will help him, and how do I do it in a way that doesn't lead to more argument and anger? (I've lot my temper a couple times, which clearly doesn't help anyone.) Monkeys.
The difficulty is that he thinks nabbing this girl was lucky and that she was his last, best shot at the whole marriage/kids/happy life thing. He is actually significantly more capable than I am of going out and being social and meeting people, but romantically he's had far less success.
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