Fake News Reporting Thread

[Kidlicious]

Example for another Faux-News fabrication:
https://twitter.com/peterdaou/status...38988671684613


Fox News showed members of a rightwing organization celebrating the death of a japanese socialist, wielding weapons and causing chaos and then claims they are members of Antifa who cause vandalism

They are talking about this ...

At the Proud Boys’ event, McInnes re-enacted the 1960 beheading of Japanese socialist leader Inejiro Asanuma, before wielding a sword on an Upper East Side street. The NYPD escorted McInnes out of the building. Shea later said the sword was plastic and that officers told McInnes to resheathe it.

McInnes posted a picture of Asanuma being killed on Instagram, along with the Nike slogan, “Believe in something, even if it means sacrificing everything.” He said he’d play his entire speech from Friday on his Monday show on CRTV, a right-wing online video network.

They mention McInnes in the Fox report. Stop posting your fake fake news in this thread.

[Kidlicious]

Hilary has also released some DNA results ...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after Elizabeth Warren released a DNA test that may or may not show that she is 1/1024th Native American, failed presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton showed the results of a recent DNA test that conclusively proved she is only 50% Reptilian.

The test, conducted by a renowned DNA expert, showed that only 50% of her blood comes from reptilian humanoids from space bent on destroying humanity. Many Washington insiders had claimed she was 100% reptile, but these claims are now known to be a hoax.

"I'm happy to announce that I'm only half reptile," she said on an interview Sunday evening. "I hope my critics will think twice before calling me a space reptile now, since that's only half true. I'm only part lizard person, thank you very much."

But she was quick to point out that whether or not she's an earth-conquering reptile is irrelevant, quipping, "What difference, at this point, does it make?"

At publishing time, Clinton had admitted the remainder of her DNA was that of a Cylon.

[Giancarlo]

Kidiot tries humor and falls flat on his face.

[pchang]

His humor is indistinguishable from his delusional raving.

[Broken_Erika]

Melania’s Heart Sinks After Realizing Husband Uses Pet Name ‘Horseface’ For Every Woman He F*cks

Mike Pompeo Impressed By Realism Of Saudis’ Halloween Decorations

‘Roseanne’ Spinoff Showrunner Hopes Big Puddle Of Blood In Kitchen Enough To Explain Main Character’s Disappearance

Saudis Admit Journalist Khashoggi Died During Botched Assassination Attempt

State Election Commission Chases Wild Animals Out Of Voting Booths In Preparation For Upcoming Midterms

ICE Agent Terrified After Becoming Separated From Team During Immigrant Raid

[Proteus_MST]

Donald Trump:
I have a natural instinct for science

Spoiler:

https://twitter.com/bradheath/status/1052375598084034560

[Giancarlo]

Another moronic statement. Preserving the environment won't sacrifice the economic well being of the country. And if we continue to abuse this world, the economy will crash anyways.

And the vast overwhelming majority of scientists sit on the fact that there is climate change. But then again this is coming from the idiot who thinks there are good people among right wing terrorists who run people over with cars and try to hijack trains.

[Broken_Erika]

Authorities Say Blacklight Analysis Shows Velvet Poster Of Mushroom Kingdom Looking Even Cooler Than Previously Imagined

Melania Trump’s Plane Forced To Make Emergency Landing After Smoke Begins Billowing Out Of First Lady


Homemade DNA Test Proves Trump Boys Are At Least One Jar Blood

The Onion’s Guide To Blockchain Technology

Financial Experts Recommend Young Grifters Start Laying Groundwork For Long Con By 25

Trump: ‘The Only Way To Find Out What Happened At The Saudi Consulate Is To Send In More Journalists One At A Time’

Texas Rangers Asking Taxpayers To Cover 60% Of Bribes Related To New Stadium

[Uncle Sparky]

https://www.thebeaverton.com/2017/12/autocorrect-nightmare-typo-bill-c-45-legalizes-cannibalism-instead-cannabis/

Autocorrect Nightmare : Typo in Bill C45 legalizes Cannibalism in Canada instead of Cannabis...

[BeBMan]

Can Canadians Cannibalize Cannabis for their purposes?

[Proteus_MST]

Fake Christian:
Evangelical Preacher Pat Robertson

Acording to him, the USA should be lenient to Saudi Arabia in order to not risk the weapons deal.

https://www.vox.com/2018/10/17/17990...a-trump-crisis

With other words, according to Pat Robertson, money comes way before morals. How christian
(Not to forget the obvious approval by Pat Robertson of an arms deal with an undemocratic regime that in many ways is worse, when it comes to human rights, that Iran)

[spambot]

This one is for Antifa *******s.

Is that real or some kind of false flag operation?

[Kidlicious]

I don't know.

[Broken_Erika]

FAA Study Finds 64% Of Engine Failures Caused By Henchman Being Kicked Into Turbine

Skip Bayless Rips Shannon Sharpe’s Heart From Body During Debate On Cowboys O-Line

Study Finds Over 5 Million Birds Die Annually From Head-On Collisions With Clouds

Mirena Releases New 10-Blade IntraUterine Sperm Shredder


‘You Are All Inside Amazon’s Second Headquarters,’ Jeff Bezos Announces To Horrified Americans As Massive Dome Envelops Nation


Thom Yorke Admits Vast Majority Of Musical Output Fueled By Constant Fear Of Being One-Upped By Coldplay

[Proteus_MST]

After groping woman man claims that Donnie okayed it

Obviously said man was misled by Trumps saying:

You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the p–sy. You can do anything

Unfortunately it seems like the man didn't pay enough attention to "when you are a star" and assumed that everyone is allowed to grope women, not oly VIPs

[Kidlicious]

SAN LEANDRO, CA—Local atheist man Michael Anderson purchased a Powerball ticket Monday evening, claiming "you just never know" if you might overcome the 1 in 300,000,000 odds to win the jackpot, though he's unwilling to admit that there's even the smallest possibility that God exists.

Anderson is "hopeful" that he'll take home the prize, while he denies the chance that there's a God at the outset.

"I think I've got a pretty good shot at the jackpot," said the man who has ruled out every possibility of God's existence despite overwhelming evidence. "Can't win if you don't play, right?"

The atheist man cited the fact that he can't see God as ironclad evidence that He isn't real. Meanwhile, he's convinced himself there's about a 50/50 shot that he'll win the $1.6 billion jackpot.

"Christians are just wishful thinkers," he added as his imagination ran wild with all the things he would buy if he won the jackpot.

Anderson also pointed out that he believes humanity has already overcome mathematically impossible odds to evolve from proteins in a swamp to incredibly complex biological machines. "What's one in 300 million when you've already beat the literally impossible odds that we all were created from nothing over billions of years?"