It's probably onions.

[Lorizael]

Then I got really dumb and sent the evil bestfriend a message about how it was this time 8 years ago that she and I stopped being friends, leading to similar bouts of uncontrollable crying and stomach pain and the like. Then I apologized for bothering her with my ****. She replied (a few hours later, at like 4 am) with:

I love you, Lori. Right now I am tired and finally going to sleep. I don't have wifi at home so not online nearly as much (will be getting it soonish). Have out of town friends here & work tmrw but I want to talk to you when I have some free time. My number is < snip >, please text me so I have yours. I don't really know how the universe works but I am sending you my love every way I know how and I hope maybe somehow it touches you in a way you can feel.

Later, after learning what I was upset about, she offered to have me come visit just to get away from stuff for a little while.

[Elok]

This sounds like an egregiously terrible idea.

[Bereta_Eder]

christ

[Bereta_Eder]

but 100% human

[Jon Miller]

I am curious, as your wife is Indian did she convert or do you two have separate religious beliefs? I ask because religion seems a big part of your life and both marriage and child rearing tie in strongly with religious beliefs.

Christians have been in India for longer than they have been in most of Europe (I had a room mate who was a Mar Thomas Christian).

But actually my wife's mother converted, like many (not all) South African Indians, over 30 years ago. She was actually the first of her family to do so. Her grandparents are still Hindu though.

JM

[rah]

Later, after learning what I was upset about, she offered to have me come visit just to get away from stuff for a little while.

Sounds like a silly idea. You're not going to move forward by going backwards. I don't see how it can end well.
Forward is the proper direction. Stay strong.

[Bereta_Eder]

I love you, Lori. Right now I am tired and finally going to sleep. I don't have wifi at home so not online nearly as much (will be getting it soonish). Have out of town friends here & work tmrw but I want to talk to you when I have some free time. My number is < snip >, please text me so I have yours. I don't really know how the universe works but I am sending you my love every way I know how and I hope maybe somehow it touches you in a way you can feel.

that woman has nothing to offer you than a pseudo-quasi "relationship" of atrophic sentimental fullfillment.
she will delay you by dropping a drop of the sentimental fullfilment you need. like a zombie.

Get a girlfriend

[Aeson]

Well, it's one way to get over someone, going back to someone else you had a problem getting over.

Honestly, if you get a booty call out of it ... might as well be obsessing over the "bestfriend who ruined your life" rather than the "coulda been wife and mother of your children". If no chance at a booty call though, why bother?

[Bereta_Eder]

there is no chance of a booty call.
she will devour him again and impede his sentimental development

[Ming]

If no chance at a booty call though, why bother?

Spoken like a TRUE MAN

[Lorizael]

Get a girlfriend

From the girlfriend shop?

Also a coworker (who knows nothing about my situation) gave me a book to read and it's about a deranged alcoholic who can't stop obsessing over her ex-husband's new family and I hate it.

[Bereta_Eder]

there's no chance you'll become an acoholic because you hate losing control

the point is to lose it just a little bit

[Bereta_Eder]

also the point is not your ex or your evil best friend. you just use them to hide from getting a girlfriend.
because you're not ready, not sentimentally mature, not in a good psychological position (the most likely)
they have nothing to do with it. it's you. and you're using them
but you're using the wrong tools and doing so drags you down.
in short, you're not helping yourself

[Bereta_Eder]

say to the evil best friend "sorry it was in a moment of weakness. talking to you wears me down. sorry to bother you. bye"

walk the change

[Ben Kenobi]

Had an ex -decided it was time to go, she drank quite a bit and didn't like the whole sobriety thing. She ended up getting engaged to another dude. I was actually happy about that, thought she might have finally decided to stop ****ing up her life. Told her exactly that. No more than 4 months later, she'd broken up with this dude who had a pretty good job (better than mine). *sigh*

Stay away, Lori. I decided it was time to stop being in contact at all. I don't usually do that, usually I stay friends.