Wish me luck - we're going in

[Pekka]

She got chicken **** that you discovered that something is "wrong" with her, as she sees it
To her eyes, you're compromised because you cut through her veil.
She is ashamed that you saw through her and didn't put up with all that kind of ****. She is ashamed of herself mostly. A way to minimize hurt is to distance herself from you ASAP. She has done it many times.
She also doesn't have your outmost admiration.


Anyway, the point of interest is not her, it's you.

So ONWARDS

Thanks BE. Somehow I find your comments and commitment to read my heart ache posts helpful It's as if you know her.
You're correct though, or at least I think the same. The moment I said enough, it was sort of over. And I did see through it. I am a bit ashamed as I saw it a loong time ago but made no effort to call it out. I kept thinking maybe I am just being paranoid. Remind, I have brain damage and I do have a horrible divorce, so I thought there is a possibility of me projecting that crap on her.

I know I will never hear from her again. She promised, but I just know. She has that coldness around her. She walks, and sees no one. She does not give two ****s if she bumps into someone. Like a bully she goes through a crowd. Never looks back if she accidentally hit someone. Most people have a reaction to do that, she does not.

Also, how she treated others differently. She had to make a choice soon. If she has multiple boyfriends, her dad is coming here again soon, so she has to choose one to present. So either me, or someone else. So she had to break up with me now, to get the timeline in order. Or not have me on her bday. I don't even know what the bs story about me will be to her friends. Right now, I don't care.

I wonder why I was so hooked. She seemed perfect. Perfect in all ways, except emotionally. I believe she is dumping people. Just a feeling though. Maybe I am paranoid. We'll see. But at least I'm free now. Obviously I have some issues and I have to find a good one next, not one of them energy sucking people. I am very busy, I have kids, so my social life is very limited. Maybe I should try them online dating websites?

edit: So I paid for the whole trip to London. Airfare, hotel room, fine dining, tickets to the musical. She got one dinner, and few drinks. I'd say my spenditure was around 3000 EUR, and hers around 500 EUR. That's not the point, the point is she wnet nuts when at the airport we got some snacks, worth 20 pounds and she told me "would you get that hon?" and I said "I thought you'd get it?". She went nuts and cause a scene. She berated me that she asked me to get one thing and I said "NO!". I figured she'd get it. She got really upset. She was shaking her head and all "don't talk to me" and going over and over, "you jstu said no". She was so pissed off. Make no mistake, she's a doctor, she can afford it, even when I make more money than she does. I felt she feels entiteld to everything. And "You have a calculator in your head". Well no, but I do know the approximates, not like I don't keep a tab on what I've spent, no detailed figure here but yeah I know it's around 3k already.

We went fine dining and I paid over 300 pounds for it, and she promised to get the next one for the next evening. Right after that, as we were in the hotel room, definitely not having sex, as she was full, she said, "it was a bit of a disappointment, I think we should cancel our reservation, I don't want to be disappointed for the menu, it is expensive". She was all about paying the next one when I got the bill and asked if she wants to split, as she was all about splitting cost. Classic.

edit2: what pisses me off is that some other woman would have appreciated it very much. She did not. I can't believe how *****y she was about all of it. So unappreciative. Any normal person would've been taken by the hospitability and opportunity. It sucks, because I can offer that, yet I seem to attract vampires.

[Ben Kenobi]

Also, how she treated others differently. She had to make a choice soon. If she has multiple boyfriends, her dad is coming here again soon, so she has to choose one to present. So either me, or someone else. So she had to break up with me now, to get the timeline in order. Or not have me on her bday. I don't even know what the bs story about me will be to her friends. Right now, I don't care

This, pretty much is what's going on. She decided to go with one of the other boyfriends and not you. Sucks, but you're waaaayyy better off then to deal with the other end of this bull****.

[Pekka]

This, pretty much is what's going on. She decided to go with one of the other boyfriends and not you. Sucks, but you're waaaayyy better off then to deal with the other end of this bull****.

Yes! TAlked to my cousin again today about some details what happened and she was underlining you don't want that crap in your life. It's excellent she walked out. I agree.

TOday, I've felt so much better. I thought about her very little. And when not, I felt normal. I got excellent news from work stuff, I'm very motivated about it. We might get a huge break for my company, and by that, I mean a big one. We're advanced, but ahead of the time. We developed some tech 7 years ago. Later on, 3 years later it was picked up by ... it is a public reference but let's say a combination of countries that do conflict stuff. But it's really a specialist tool, meant for experienced specialists that do defending and detection.

So, 4 years went by and now we have another shot to go a bit bigger with it. It carries both financial potential as well as personal satisfaction. I might be able to quit my daily job if all goes well. In fact I have to, as it would take all my time. Very nervous about tomorrow's meeting, though I kow the person personally.

In any case, I've been busy with my real life, without having the time to worry about Dr. Jekyll. In fact, this is the best thing, she never became vindictive. That might have been dangerous, she is intelligent and carries a charming superficial persona, that is not very true.

Then today I talked to my cop friend. He said without any hesitation, "She ran because you saw through her, she lost her mask, good for you". He used to interrogate all kinds of sociopaths as a police officer.

edit: Last edit! Also, I got so many nightmares of her, and I have no recollection what she did in them. My insides were telling me to get away. She was sexually molested as a child, and often acted like a little kid, sounded one and everything. With the movements, like a little child, fairly disturbing. I thought first she had AS due to that. Very neurotic. One of the more disturbing things to me was the fact how different she looked in her picture only 3 years previous. On her immigration card, just like a felon with different hair and face. Almost unrecognisable. Sure, people change. But it was as a different person. And she never, EVER showed any pics from that era, or any other era. Hated selfies, yet in London, that's all she took, a million selfies. And she posed like she was in love with herself. So very unlike her. Unless of course, that was exactly her. ****, I don't even know who she was.