Long distance relationships

[regexcellent]

Start a new thread! If anyone cares about whether you would **** a negress, this thread isn't about that. Apologies (not really) if that's not what this is about; I'm only willing to skim your posts.

[Kidlicious]

Start a new thread! If anyone cares about whether you would **** a negress, this thread isn't about that. Apologies (not really) if that's not what this is about; I'm only willing to skim your posts.

Piss off son. You don't tell me which threads to post in.

[Guynemer]

Here's a "Me" thread, in the long tradition of the Poly Advice Column. Today's question is, is it worth dealing with 2,400 miles of separation with no end in sight?

Lately I've been dating a certain young lady up here in Rochester who unfortunately is from San Jose, California. She's going back there in about 10 days; I'm going to Fairfax, Virginia around the same time. She wants to keep it going. I do too, but I'm uncertain about it.

Moreover, like me, she has a twin sister to whom she is equally attached and, despite not having a job, said twin seems unlikely to leave the Bay Area for the foreseeable future. My firm has an office in Oakland and I'm considering working out of there periodically. That might be prohibitively costly; there's no way I'm getting compensated on the travel expenses.

More than just advice about whether to avoid the situation entirely (though that's welcome), I'd like to know any suggestions about how to make it more manageable if anyone has them.

Wow.

That **** is tough, no doubt about it.

Imran's advice in the first reply is very sound. If you think this is the sort of thing that is capital-V capital-S Very Serious, like actual love, I want to spend my life with this girl, then it is worthwhile to give it a chance. If you aren't in that place, then it is probably not going to be worth the trouble. Relationships are hard enough when you share a city with someone, let alone when they are at the other end of the continent.

[regexcellent]

Thanks for the advice, Guy.

I don't know if I can judge from where I'm standing if this is a Very Serious relationship or not. I feel like, yes, that's what it is. But I might not be in a position to tell. She wants me to come visit her with her parents as soon as I can. That indicates to me, rightly or wrongly, that she is taking this pretty seriously as well.

[kentonio]

If you want it enough, then give it everything you've got. Maybe it won't work out, but at least then you'll know you tried, instead of it always being in your mind that maybe it would have. Better to fail than to regret never having tried.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Reg, I think y'all came up with some good "rules" in Post #200. However, what I would seriously counsel you is that when it gets close to a year and you don't feel as if the relationship is close enough to move, don't force yourself to do so (or allow her to do so) simply because you said you would now. Basically, don't completely lock yourself in - it's not a hard and fast contract, but aspirational goal setting. If you do feel head over heels, what to spend your life with, then the move will be a no brainer and do it.

[-Jrabbit]

...your boring bitter squabble is harshing my mellow.

Apparently Reg is a closet hippie. Which is awesome. Who knew!

[-Jrabbit]

...your boring bitter squabble is harshing my mellow.

Apparently Reg is a closet hippie. Which is awesome. Who knew!

Piss off son. You don't tell me which threads to post in.

And gee, another surprise -- Kid decides to be a jerk about it.

[Kidlicious]

He gets kind of pissy about threadjacks for a hippy.

[Ben Kenobi]

However, what I would seriously counsel you is that when it gets close to a year and you don't feel as if the relationship is close enough to move, don't force yourself to do so (or allow her to do so) simply because you said you would now. Basically, don't completely lock yourself in - it's not a hard and fast contract, but aspirational goal setting

I second this. But, then do revisit when that time does come up. Sometimes, (and unfortunately), life gets in the way of our plans.

[Bosh]

Probably won`t work out in the end but that`s no reason not to give it a shot. Not a vey big downside if things don`t work out and a massive potential upside if they do.

When I first met my wife I was only ever able to see her on weekends, which isn`t really comparable. But communicating in some way even if it`s just a few lines of text absolutely every single day was important.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

If I'd been born 20 years later, I would definitely have done long-distance relationships. They just barely existed when I was single.

[I AM MOBIUS]

Yeah, might as well keep it going until something better comes along...

[rah]

Yeah, when I was in college I had a long distance relationship and the phone costs were crippling. Now that's not a problem.

[regexcellent]

I'll be visiting her in just two weeks, as it turns out. Her mother wants me to come sooner rather than later.