Help me understand human nature

[Bereta_Eder]

[Bereta_Eder]

Elok,
I don't understand your reasoning.
Dealing with single parent families on a financial basis seems a bit mute. Of course the state should contribute, the issue cuts through all classes anyway so it's not that you'd get "class resistance" anyway.

The way you present it, the rich shouldn't be contributing to health care either but they do and they should do even more so. And that has been happening for many decades.
Plus the way they control governance is more often than not extra institutional thus morally reprehensible and (theoretically) easily countered.

At the end of the day it's about what kind of society do you have. One that values aiding those who need it or one that simply cares for its hide.
Countries have shown that in some matters it's the first that happens and ironically, the ones that should be "floundering under the weight" of such expenses are the ones that are actually thriving.

[Kidlicious]

It's only rock n' roll but I like it.

[Nikolai]

And so do people who divorce, don't get married or dance the macarena.
What I was saying is that getting married or not getting divorced has nothing to do with raising good children.

My father finding himself a young "lady" to bang on the side and then leaving my family for her, did no doubt damage the raising of good children. My brother suffered a lot, getting in a rebellion that still lasts and is a constant head ache to my mum, who must deal with it without my dad. My dad lives on the other side of the country and seldom interact, and when he does, he has little to say, as his moral authority is "damaged". I'm sure this is not an isolated anecdote. Divorce is not good for the children, even if it goes better that my parents'.

[Bereta_Eder]

Obviously I'm sorry Nikolai.

But it's not divorce that is the cause for your family's difficult times but some peoples' choices and the way they are handling (or not) the situation.

Divorce can be excellent for the children because the alternative would be worse (or much worse) for them.

I know someone (who might that be) that was raised in a household full of love and support and, most importantly, peace. A divorce made that happen.

Each situation has its own merits.

Maybe every time you have a question about life but are dissapointed or not sure about your father you could ask yourself what a good father would say. Or someone close to you that you trust.

All the best and strength for your mom, your brother and you.

[ricketyclik]

You mean one of the Batman films ? Ahem. 'Batman' is a character featured in various comics by D.C. . 'The Prestige' is from a novel by Christopher Priest.

How'm I doing so far ?

Inception? Memento?

[ricketyclik]

And so do people who divorce, don't get married or dance the macarena.
What I was saying is that getting married or not getting divorced has nothing to do with raising good children.

Although I agree that it's not the only factor, and that in many cases it's the better option to split, many, many studies have shown that all other things being equal a divorce is a pretty negative thing for the children.

[ricketyclik]

You mean one of the Batman films ? Ahem. 'Batman' is a character featured in various comics by D.C. . 'The Prestige' is from a novel by Christopher Priest.

How'm I doing so far ?

Insomnia!

[Kidlicious]

My ex had affairs. I don't even know if my son knew about them. He doesn't seem to now, even though she is married to the last one. That didn't hurt my son. The divorce did. Be honest.

[Bereta_Eder]

I am being honest.
But as I said each case is different.

Still the answer is in that song

[notyoueither]

There's a snowball effect at work; single-parent children tend to have single-parent children of their own, and so on. And since SP is associated with earlier pregnancy, earlier sexual activity, worse academic performance, etc., the problem is going to increasingly erode the social safety net designed to contain or mitigate it. You can't tax predestinate paupers in order to support them. The problem isn't so bad now, but it is getting worse. As to what could be done: nothing by force or fiat. But if the problem gets bad enough, I imagine that the social mores which rolled in one direction will start rolling in the other. Of course, it will be much more difficult to roll them back, and the increased poverty will be vicious and painful, but . . .

Two of the three ills you've listed can be mitigated through better education. That might be more likely to happen than wishful thinking about putting genies back in bottles.

[N35t0r]

My ex had affairs. I don't even know if my son knew about them. He doesn't seem to now, even though she is married to the last one. That didn't hurt my son. The divorce did. Be honest.

Why does he think you divorced her?

Also, if you had staid with your ex, how do you think the relationship would be? And what effect would that have on your son?

It's highly probable that the divorce hurt, but comparing it to an ideal situation rather to what the same situation without divorce would be is disingenious.

My father finding himself a young "lady" to bang on the side and then leaving my family for her, did no doubt damage the raising of good children. My brother suffered a lot, getting in a rebellion that still lasts and is a constant head ache to my mum, who must deal with it without my dad. My dad lives on the other side of the country and seldom interact, and when he does, he has little to say, as his moral authority is "damaged". I'm sure this is not an isolated anecdote. Divorce is not good for the children, even if it goes better that my parents'.

The same as above. Do you think your father's behaviour would have been much better if he hadn't divorced? He'd have been a better example for you and your brother had he stayed, and still banged girls on the side?

Bad parents are bad for children, but parents don't turn bad because of a divorce, they divorce because of it.

[Kidlicious]

N35t0r,

Yes, he blames me for everything, because his mother does. I think it would be better for him if we were still married. But no way I could do it.

[N35t0r]

Why couldn't you do it?

[Kidlicious]

Why couldn't you do it?

You have to understand what a drug addict will do to keep using. She tried to bring me down so that I couldn't stop her from using. I wasn't safe.