Please don't take this too seriously.

[Lorizael]

Nope. Still haven't been able to contact an advisor. I'll hash it out with the Student Success people, I guess.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

Do. Good man. It's gonna suck, but it's nothing you can't tough out.

[Lorizael]

My substitute therapist really doesn't think it's an awesome idea for me to be friends with my an ex. One of my closest friends is more or less of the same opinion. I am utterly confounded by this attitude. I have so few friends, and so much trouble making friends, that is seems like an awful waste to voluntarily give up one of them. There are negatives to my friendship with my ex, to be sure. There are awkward moments, and there's the fact that... well... I don't understand how to feel differently about her than I used to. She's the same person I fell in love with 5 years ago; why wouldn't I still be in love with her? What's supposed to change? How do I not feel what I used to feel?

I think this is something peculiarly wrong with me, btw. Like how I was able to simply restart my feelings for my second gf by reading over old chat logs with her. It's as if the feelings never really go away; I simply don't access them as frequently. My therapist says that's pretty normal. But if it's normal, how the **** do some people manage to "get over" their exes and I can't? I mean, my ex is dating another guy and seems to have no problems at all being friends with me. By all appearances, she's managed to get over me and isn't made uncomfortable by my presence or anything like that. What's she doing that I can't? Yeah, maybe she's hiding all of her unease, but after knowing her rather intimately for 5 years, I think I'm pretty good at telling when she's hiding something.

So, there are negatives. But there are positives as well. We still enjoy each other's company. We still care about each other. We edit each other's stories. We counsel each other when needed. Do I need to weigh the pros and cons? Can I actually quantify the value of a friendship, break it up into units of friendions? And even beyond the effect it has on me, ending a friendship with someone out of the blue seems particularly selfish. I will hurt my ex if I simply stop talking to her. And that matters to me, because I still care about her. I don't want to hurt her if I don't have to.

Monkeys. **** hell balls. I've only got one session left with the substitute therapist. Maybe I'll just pretend none of this happened when I go back to my regular therapist.

[MOBIUS]

I think what you're going through is entirely normal. The main issue however is that your relationship is unequal, inasmuch as the fact that she is seeing someone but you are not.

Maybe it is a case of the equilibrium needing to be restored? Maybe you simply need to say to her that this 'relationship' between you isn't healthy for you at the moment and you also need to move on by stopping dwelling in the past? It's not a case of ending the friendship, but taking a break until you can see each other as 'equals'. If she is a true friend, she will respect that and wish you well.

Funnily enough, I've been involved in a similar sort of situation recently, which is resolving itself for the best - but then my life is way more complicated than yours...

[Lorizael]

Well, our relationship is going to be "unequal" for awhile. I'm not exactly the most skilled wooer of women. It was a year between my first and second girlfriend and two years between my second and third girlfriend.

[DaShi]

Lori, if you ever get so depressed as to go on a killing spree. Don't warn us or give us hints. I'm too lazy to actually do something about it and the last thing I want is some reporter or police officer hassling me over why I didn't do anything.

[DaShi]

My substitute therapist really doesn't think it's an awesome idea for me to be friends with my an ex. One of my closest friends is more or less of the same opinion. I am utterly confounded by this attitude. I have so few friends, and so much trouble making friends, that is seems like an awful waste to voluntarily give up one of them. There are negatives to my friendship with my ex, to be sure. There are awkward moments, and there's the fact that... well... I don't understand how to feel differently about her than I used to. She's the same person I fell in love with 5 years ago; why wouldn't I still be in love with her? What's supposed to change? How do I not feel what I used to feel?

I think this is something peculiarly wrong with me, btw. Like how I was able to simply restart my feelings for my second gf by reading over old chat logs with her. It's as if the feelings never really go away; I simply don't access them as frequently. My therapist says that's pretty normal. But if it's normal, how the **** do some people manage to "get over" their exes and I can't? I mean, my ex is dating another guy and seems to have no problems at all being friends with me. By all appearances, she's managed to get over me and isn't made uncomfortable by my presence or anything like that. What's she doing that I can't? Yeah, maybe she's hiding all of her unease, but after knowing her rather intimately for 5 years, I think I'm pretty good at telling when she's hiding something.

So, there are negatives. But there are positives as well. We still enjoy each other's company. We still care about each other. We edit each other's stories. We counsel each other when needed. Do I need to weigh the pros and cons? Can I actually quantify the value of a friendship, break it up into units of friendions? And even beyond the effect it has on me, ending a friendship with someone out of the blue seems particularly selfish. I will hurt my ex if I simply stop talking to her. And that matters to me, because I still care about her. I don't want to hurt her if I don't have to.

Monkeys. **** hell balls. I've only got one session left with the substitute therapist. Maybe I'll just pretend none of this happened when I go back to my regular therapist.

"The Substitute Therapist" would be a great title for a novel. You could go in several directions: redemption, porn, crime drama.

Anyway, you get over ex's by dating other people.

[Lorizael]

Killing spree is not my style. Serial killer, maybe, but not killing spree. So you don't have to worry.

[DaShi]

Oh good. Those are easy to answer. "He seemed like such a nice guy. The last person you would expect to make a mattress out of corpses and sleep inside of it."

[Lorizael]

Dating other people is not a short-term solution for me. I don't know anyone and don't know how to meet anyone.

[DaShi]

Use one of those websites like Match, eHarmony, Plentyoffish, Jdate, Blackpeoplemeet, Farmersonly, Ourtime, NAMBLA, OKcupid, Cougarlife.

[Lorizael]

I've had an OKCupid profile for a long time. Never had any success with it. Match or eHarmony (I forget which) told me it had no potential mates for me and that I was going to die alone.

[DaShi]

I'd bet you'd do well on Cougarlife.

[Kidlicious]

I've had an OKCupid profile for a long time. Never had any success with it. Match or eHarmony (I forget which) told me it had no potential mates for me and that I was going to die alone.

[Kidlicious]

Dating other people is not a short-term solution for me. I don't know anyone and don't know how to meet anyone.

You're young. 30 or something? I'm single too. I hate dating especially on those websites. Just enjoy life. Find sone groups to be apart of doing things that interest you and if you find someone cool. If not oh well.