Round II - This time I will KILL IT!

[pchang]

Good news. Bad reactions usually happen within a few hours.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

It made my gramma look like a pink Yoda...

[Alexander's Horse]

I had a friend who was in the Finnish army - he messed up building a sauna and the whole unit had to be evacuated after they tried it out. They were naked and frozen somewhere in the arctic. All their clothes got wet.

Glad you are coping so well with the chemo Pekka.

I just found out today another friend has months to live. He has cancer, initially it was a brain tumour, and the doctors are stopping treatment. I gave him a link to this thread. I hope that is okay with you.

[Pekka]

Still here. The increasd chemo amount went well, had no bad side effects. A new cycle is coming up in few weeks, again the dosage a bit higher...

... anyway, things with the wife are going badly. I just don't know what I should do. From my POV, she is extremely negative every day and takes it on me. I've tried to talk about it, but she refuses. She woke up me today, saying she forgot some kids' clothes and that I should go and bring them to the daycare... well, more like shouted. I was kind of out of it because I woke up to it and said "with what?" and she said "well, walk". It's like few miles at least but I said.. "ok..." and then I already heard her leaving for the door, angry, and sped away fast with the car, screaching tires and everything. I just don't get it.

Today is my neurologist, and she didn't want to come so I have to go alone. Yeah yeah I know everyone is thinking "she is nervous and tired, she acts otu because of that". True, but that's all she does. She is just super angry and takes it on me and when I say don't take it on me, she jsut gets pissed off about that too. There is no balancing discussions after that or ever like you have your angry fits and then your oh but it's OK talks. The OK talks are not there, just the angry fits. So I send her a message saying that I didn't know what I did wrong, I said I'd take the clothes so now I feel kind of bad and did I do somerthing wrong because I don't get it... and she answers something in the line of "meh". No direct tsanslation exist but it's not yes or a no, it's more like a yawn recognising that I heard you but no indication. Very disrespectful. So I reply "meh what? I don't get it?". So no reply, and probably won't get one. Ever.

This is not a single incident. This is her MO. And I've been asking myself, what stresses me the most. She does. The atmosphere is so bad and all attempts of discussion have been futile. And I've tried so many times, directly saying we need to talk in a calm voice. She refuses this from me. I do not think it is fair, in fact given the situation it is outright torture. And somehow I am the bad guy in all of this, for example she told me that she is sick and tired of me threatning her about leaving her. It is true that I have told her that if we have no dialogue, I don't see how we can continue a healthy relationship.

I have thought about this, and that the best option is for the dialogue to start, because divorce brings a lot of trouble and if I have months to live, I don't want to spend it in the process and I want to spend time with the kids. Then again, I hate living with an angry person who throws silly fits at me for nothing and refuses to talk. I'm not sure if I'm living with a monster or a teenager. I seem to be paying her bills and that's it.

[Pekka]

The more I thinka bout it, I've been a fool myself. She has always been passive aggressive like this. Now it's just gettign to me because I have my own problems and no more energy left, the poisonous and toxic cloud remains and I can't ignore it anymore as I've been able to do in the past. By ignoring I mean not letting it get to me. Thinking "she's tired, depressed, something must have happened" and more to the point "maybe I said something stupid, maybe she got me wrong, I can be an idiot"... yes I have been an idiot. But in ways I didn't understand years ago. Damn I'm an idiot. This would be so simple if we didn't have kids or I wasn't ill. Now it is _complicated_. Maybe I'll just ignore this all and continue pretending or what ever. I just don' tlike to be woken up with shouting. That's the problem for me, I can pretend, still, but I don't like to be a target of angry stuff, I want to be left alone or have a positive or neutral contact.

[Dinner]

I am happy to see the Super Citizen is still fighting the good fight.

I am unhappy with his wife and hope she comes around because it sounds like she's being very selfish trying to protect her own emotional wellbeing when she should be thinking about her family.

[Dinner]

Still here. The increasd chemo amount went well, had no bad side effects.

You are very fortunate, my friend, because Chemo kicked my mother's ass. I hope you continue to have favorable results and I must say my mother's attitude was very bad. It was like she just gave up so I hope you do not. Attitude can make a huge difference.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

...Pekka, I don't know how you take it. However, I suspect your peace of mind is best served by keeping to the status quo at this point. Like you said, the kids...

[pchang]

Maybe you can move in with a nearby relative for a day or 2 to get away. It might be good to take a break away from the wife from time to time.

[pchang]

http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT02017717?term=Glioblastoma+open&rank=40

Recruiting now

[N35t0r]

The more I thinka bout it, I've been a fool myself. She has always been passive aggressive like this. Now it's just gettign to me because I have my own problems and no more energy left, the poisonous and toxic cloud remains and I can't ignore it anymore as I've been able to do in the past. By ignoring I mean not letting it get to me. Thinking "she's tired, depressed, something must have happened" and more to the point "maybe I said something stupid, maybe she got me wrong, I can be an idiot"... yes I have been an idiot. But in ways I didn't understand years ago. Damn I'm an idiot. This would be so simple if we didn't have kids or I wasn't ill. Now it is _complicated_. Maybe I'll just ignore this all and continue pretending or what ever. I just don' tlike to be woken up with shouting. That's the problem for me, I can pretend, still, but I don't like to be a target of angry stuff, I want to be left alone or have a positive or neutral contact.

Is she seing a psychologist/psychiatrist about this? If yes, maybe you could talk to him/her? If no, maybe she should... Although suggesting this directly might not be the best idea. You should talk to her family/friends, there must be someone you get along nicely with that can act as a bridge.