So, she thinks I'm cheating on her (I'm not)

[Elok]

Well, supposedly in her history, her old bf cheated on her and used to tell that he went to "Jake".

To tell you the truth, I'm not even sure she is telling the truth. It doesn't even matter.

I can't admit to something I haven't done, and I refuse to actively deny something I haven't done. I have a friend whose name is Jake and that's the truth. I've seen Jake two times in the last few months, both times lots of other nerds were present so I've got an alibi and everything. However, I am not going to use it. It's not the point. If I get accused of something that big, when there is no hint of someone else, then it's something I put into "crazy" category.

Just seeing a friend and getting all this in return is not good because I see my friends very rarely. I'd like to see my friends in the future without being suspected of things, or having to explain myself.

Okay, so the Jake thing makes some sense. I thought you meant she was dragging in some imaginary dude, and I was thinking schizophrenia or something. I'm really not sure how you could address this, honestly, since my wife doesn't do stuff like this. I'm pretty sure you do have to address it head-on somehow, or it's going to rip up your family. I don't know if you should employ a marriage counselor, or what tone you should take. You know your lady better than I do. But I get the feeling this is going to get worse and worse if you don't have a talk with her about it. Try not to be defensive, is all I can say.

[Elok]

If it were my wife, I'd say something like: "Look, hon, we have to talk about this 'cheating' thing. What am I doing that's made you so suspicious? How did I lose your trust, and what do I have to do to win it back?"

Now, if she's gone totally bonkers here, I guess that could very well blow up in your face. Or she could give some bizarre non-answer like "you know what you did." But I figure that's no reason not to give it the old college try. It's hard to picture that making things any worse, provided you make a good effort not to flip out on her. It sounds like you're headed for a divorce otherwise, absurd as that is.

[Wezil]

My 2 cents...

Since Canada ditched the penny we'd round that down to 0.

Your opinion is now worthless.

[Elok]

I assumed he meant American pennies. None of your funny-money with ducks and beavers and moose and such.

[Wezil]

The pennies had the Maple Leaf and the Queen you cretin.

[Elok]

Shame. Moose are more attractive than the Queen.

[Wezil]

Could be worse. Could be Charles.

[Elok]

Ugh. Talk about devalued currency.

[Docfeelgood]

Let's face it, women do love a good bit of drama! I would be careful though, accusing you of something like this could give her justification (in her mind) to do a whole host of things. You guys really need to sit down and talk, because communication is the key to any relationship. Does she feel you're neglecting her - maybe this is her way of getting you to focus on her? Have you been focusing on her enough lately or just taking her for granted? I know you've got loads on your plate as it is...

Also, there's always those marriage guidance type people - you guys must have been going through so much that some sort of professional support is something you should really consider. Call these warning signs/a cry for help etc., but if your relationship breaks down a little further down the line and it comes as a surprise to you - well here's the red flags...

In short: Be nice to your wife.

[Dinner]

Just tell her you're not her old bf, you haven't cheated, that you don't have the time or energy to cheat even if you had the inclination (which you don't), and she can either have enough respect for you to believe you or she can keep up this nonsense. End the conversation on a sympathetic note how you know none of this has been easy for her, it's not easy for you either, but she needs to learn to trust you more.

You might want to add that if she has concerns or worries about stuff like this in the future to please not discuss it in front of the children. That's just poor form.

[Ben Kenobi]

I assumed he meant American pennies. None of your funny-money with ducks and beavers and moose and such.

What does Elok have against beavers?

[Pekka]

Good advices. I understand that a person would think "is she/he cheating on me?!!", or "I bet he/she wants to cheat if they could get away with it"... that's OK in my opinion. The whole poor form thing is not OK. These poor form things piling up, and me saying after every single one that I won't tolerate this kind of behavior, and that I mean it, it's not just words... that don't let me calmness fool because this is the way I am. I'm angry. But even then, I won't scream or call people the worst kind of things (like bad father/mother) when it has no real merit.

For years I've let her vent first, say all kinds of things, and then after she calmed down, told that I will not tolerate this kind of behaviour. People can vent, shout and rant. But some things should be left unsaid, or IF they are said, then they should be apologized for, OR AT LEAST not do the same thing AGAIN. Then I have no options but to think that the other person really thinks so, or that they only want to hurt you as much as possible.

In any case, unacceptable.

[Colonâ„¢]

To tell you the truth, I'm not even sure she is telling the truth.

Sounds like you don't entirely trust her either.

[Fake Boris]

Maybe she's pissed at him for being sick, but realizes that this isn't an acceptable reason to be pissed at him, so she's (sub)consciously fabricating more acceptable reasons to be pissed at him. I know from second hand experience that people get angry at other people for their being sick, then they feel guilty for these feelings, and the combination of anger and guilt can get pretty bizarre.

This.

[dannubis]

Do as Dinner said. If it doesn't work, draw your conculsions but fear for being alone is not a reason to spend the rest of your life - as it is - miserable.