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  • #16
    getting on-target there Doc

    --------

    The welsh: They're just the Irish that couldn't swim...

    Have you heard about the festival celebrated by welsh Muslims? It's called Ramalamb

    I went to Cardiff last week and had a run in with the Taffia, the welsh contingent of the Mafia; They made me an offer I couldn't understand...

    ------

    An Englishman, welshman and west indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth. There is quite a bit of pacing up and down when the nurse comes out and happily announces that they are all fathers of bouncing baby boys.

    "There's just one problem," she says. "Because they were all born at the same time, we got the tags mixed up and we don't know which baby belongs to whom. Would you, as their fathers, mind coming to identify them?" The men agree and walk into the delivery room and look at the babies.

    Immediately the Englishman stoops down and picks up the black baby. "Yes, this is definitely my baby," he says confidently.
    "Um, excuse me," says the west indian, "but I think it's fairly obvious that this is my son."
    The Englishman pulls him aside and says, "I see where you're coming from, mate, but one of these babies is welsh and I'm not prepared to take the risk."

    ------

    A welshman, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island.

    After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.

    As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the welshman took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

    A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the welshman had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

    Pretty soon, the welshman started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

    "could you take the dog for a walk?"

    ------

    An Englishman, an Irishman, a welshman and a Scot are captured by the Taliban.
    The Taliban leader says, "we're going to shoot you, but we will give you one last request."
    He says to the welshman, "what's your last request?"
    The welshman says, "I want a thousand welshman singing 'Land of my Fathers'."
    "Okay, you've got it. What about you?" he says to the Scotsman.
    "I want a thousand Scots pipers piping Scotland the brave," says the Scot.
    "You've got it" says the Talib. "What's your last request?" he says to the Irishman.
    "I want a thousand Irishman doing the Riverdance" says Paddy.
    "It's yours" says the Talib. Turning to the Englishman, he says, "and your last request?"
    The Englishman says, "f*cking shoot me first".

    -----------

    Taffy is on his deathbed, He calls his wife Blodwyn to his side, and says:
    "Blodwyn, cariad, before I die, I have a confession to make, or I won't rest easy. I've been unfaithful to you, but only twice during our long marriage."
    "Oh!" says Blodwyn "and with who?"
    "Sian Jones and Elen Evans" says Taffy.
    "Well, I suppose that's OK; see, I've been unfaithful to you, too Taffy, but only twice as well" she says.
    "Who with, dear Blodwyn?"
    "Well, the first time was with the Treorchy male voice choir, and the next was with the 2nd Battalion of the South Wales Borderers..."

    --------

    *runs*
    Last edited by Alexander's Horse; May 28, 2013, 20:56.
    Any views I may express here are personal and certainly do not in any way reflect the views of my employer. Tis the rising of the moon..

    Look, I just don't anymore, okay?

    Comment


    • #17



      rah: yeah, I know, hence the mad envy later on.
      Indifference is Bliss

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      • #18
        Famous Welsh film titles:

        9 1/2 Leeks
        Trefforest Gump
        Cwmando
        The Lost Boyos
        An American Werewolf in Powys
        Huw Dares Gwyneth
        Dai Hard
        The Wizard of Oswestry
        Cool Hand Look-you
        Sheepless in Seattle
        The Eagle has Llandudno
        The Magnificent Severn
        Haverfordwest Was Won
        Austin Powys
        The Magic Rhonddabout
        The Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch That Time Forgot
        Seven Brides for Seven Sisters
        Welsh Connection
        Welsh Connection II
        The Bridge on the River Wye
        Lawrence of Llandovery
        A Beautiful Mind-you
        The Welsh Patient
        The King and Mair
        The Sheepshag Redemption
        Breakfast at Taffynys
        Look Back in Bangor
        Evans Can Wait
        A Fishguard Called Rhondda
        Where Eagles Aberdare
        Dial M For Merthyr
        -------------------
        An English ventriloquist visiting Wales, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Welshman "Can I talk to your dog?" Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid git." Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Villager: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Dog: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Villager: (look of utter disbelief) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think." Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool" Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded) Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager) Horse: "Yep" Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." Villager: (total look of amazement) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Villager: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar!"
        -----------------

        Like many young kids, my little nieces have got their own silly, nonsense language.

        They haven't got a name for it but most of us know it as "welsh".
        Last edited by Alexander's Horse; May 28, 2013, 21:34.
        Any views I may express here are personal and certainly do not in any way reflect the views of my employer. Tis the rising of the moon..

        Look, I just don't anymore, okay?

        Comment


        • #19
          I don't think Ben would survive Greece. Greek people can get pretty nasty when they're offended.
          Unlike Texans apparently.
          Scouse Git (2) La Fayette Adam Smith Solomwi and Loinburger will not be forgotten.
          "Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for..."
          2015 APOLYTON FANTASY FOOTBALL CHAMPION!

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          • #20
            I posted "English ventriloquist" on Facebook. I got 3 Likes quickly.
            Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
            "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
            He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

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            • #21
              MOBIE - I've been to London, Barcelona and Italy. They all have the Intertubes, so if you really loved us, you could stay in touch...
              There's nothing wrong with the dream, my friend, the problem lies with the dreamer.

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              • #22
                Nah, the response time in his IPoAC interface to the web will be too sloww that far away from home.
                With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.

                Steven Weinberg

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                • #23
                  Is that like an Ipecac interface? Because I could imagine that would be helpful for a drunk Welshman in a land away from home who doesn't know what's safe to eat and what's not...
                  <Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
                  I like your SNOOPY POSTER! - While you Wait quote.

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                  • #24
                    IPoAC

                    With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.

                    Steven Weinberg

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Ipecac

                      <Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
                      I like your SNOOPY POSTER! - While you Wait quote.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Moby is welsh, he posts with a modem off a phone line.
                        Any views I may express here are personal and certainly do not in any way reflect the views of my employer. Tis the rising of the moon..

                        Look, I just don't anymore, okay?

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Uncle Sparky View Post
                          MOBIE - I've been to London, Barcelona and Italy. They all have the Intertubes, so if you really loved us, you could stay in touch...
                          Goddamned masochist. Or sadist, to look at it another way....
                          Vive la liberte. Noor Inayat Khan, Dachau.

                          ...patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone. Edith Cavell, 1915

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                          • #28
                            I'm back! Did you miss me?

                            Highlights: Venice; Dubrovnik - Croatia as a whole! Gold star mentions to: Girona in Catalunya and Kotor in Montenegro! Seriously considering a trip to Croatia/Montenegro and points between!

                            Greece was meh, Corfu was OK I guess...
                            Is it me, or is MOBIUS a horrible person?

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by MOBIUS View Post
                              I'm back! Did you miss me?

                              Yes, like I miss not having malignant melanoma.
                              Vive la liberte. Noor Inayat Khan, Dachau.

                              ...patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone. Edith Cavell, 1915

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Just got back from a pretty idyllic week in Pembrokeshire and Ceredigion...

                                Ardderchog!
                                Is it me, or is MOBIUS a horrible person?

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