Dating a Friend's ex

[DaShi]

Your friend is in definite violation of the Bro Code, especially in light of the fact that you let your displeasure known in advance. While it's been longer since your breakup than your time together, the question was asked and answered. He has made his choice.

Wish them all the best, and let them know you'll be keeping your distance. But you'll have to deal with it socially, as presumably you'll still be invited to events by mutual friends. At some point, you'll have to man up.

Since you're smitten with another woman yourself, presumably it won't be much of a problem.

Agree and good advice.

[Jon Miller]

You aren't a robot.

It is understandable you are upset.

They aren't robots either.

I would say you should put some distance for a while, so that you can feel better. If your friendship survives this distance then great, if it doesn't then too bad.

BTW, I have seen this before in situations like yours (ex-wife leaves for another guy). I think it shows that relationships are serious business, not to be casually entered into or left.

JM

[Elok]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dog_in_the_Manger

[Hauldren Collider]

You should listen to Jim Croce's Operator on repeat until you realize how dumb it is to let other people control your feelings. That's what I'd do anyways.

That song is great. Not in the least because the guy is hilariously wasting the operator's time.

[self biased]

My reading of this is that the 5 month girl was the rebound after the wife. That would explain how she pushed you away, presumably because you got too hot and heavy, too clingy, too fast. As is only natural after a big break up. It can take a while after a big break up to become aloof and mysterious to women again.

If your good friend is really a good friend, then this is bad form. However if your good friend is merely a good acquaintance, then you dont really have a leg to stand on here.

to clarify, i was single for a year and a half after my wife and i parted ways, and the lady in question was the first relationship i had been in outside of getting some strange occasionally. she broke it off with me because we had rather opposed views on how to best raise our respective children. we both also had a lot of unspoken expectations of each other with regards to the the manifest destiny of our future.

dude was truly someone i considered a good, good friend. he helped pick up the pieces after my wife and i split.

I'd say be the big boy and suck it up. If it bothers you then don't hang around them when you can avoid it. That doesn't mean you make a scene and become a drama queen; just have other stuff to do until it stops bothering you or they break up.

pretty much my plan.

Your feelings don't matter. If either of them had said to stop seeing your current girl because they don't like it, it would be the same thing.

However, point is void if she went to the friend right after you.

ACK!

no ****? my feelings are hurt because my friends decided my feelings weren't important. pay attention. also my seeing someone else is a different set of circumstances as she wasn't my ex's friend. also also, she did go to him for certain values of 'right after.' also also also, he may or may not have been influencing things in a particular direction before she and i split up.

I guess this is one of those shining examples that people's hopes for happiness don't rise and set on your feelings. You've moved on. Why are you being so obnoxious?

i think you're missing the point. just because i'm touching someone else with my penis doesn't magically wipe away all the other emotions i have. i realize that some people cope this way, but i don't work that way.

You aren't a robot.

It is understandable you are upset.

They aren't robots either.

I would say you should put some distance for a while, so that you can feel better. If your friendship survives this distance then great, if it doesn't then too bad.

BTW, I have seen this before in situations like yours (ex-wife leaves for another guy). I think it shows that relationships are serious business, not to be casually entered into or left.

JM

i don't think that either of them have lost a friend in this manner; i have. I very much have no desire to be 'that guy' again.

i do wish them happiness, but i also don't have to be around for it.

[Kidlicious]

Your friend is in definite violation of the Bro Code.

See you've got to be thinking what was going on when you two were together. Sorry to put it that way, but your friend is out of line.

[self biased]

My reading of this is that the 5 month girl was the rebound after the wife. That would explain how she pushed you away, presumably because you got too hot and heavy, too clingy, too fast.

also also also also: i'm not albert ****ing speer.

[Kidlicious]

You should listen to Jim Croce's Operator on repeat.

Awww. That's cold.

[Kidlicious]

I checked the code and the first rule is bros before hoes. That covers alot I think.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Why is it a problem?

Do some root cause analysis. Keep asking yourself "why?" until you get down to the root causes of why you're not happy. If looking at those root causes makes you feel like you're being unreasonable, think some more.

[Kidlicious]

That's called obsessive compulsive.

[self biased]

Why is it a problem?

Do some root cause analysis. Keep asking yourself "why?" until you get down to the root causes of why you're not happy. If looking at those root causes makes you feel like you're being unreasonable, think some more.

Alex, It feels like my friend betrayed me in a similar manner to the ordeal which he helped me recover from. now i'm wrestling with deciding whether to continue the friendship or not; wondering if i could even continue with the friendship.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

That's called obsessive compulsive.

Actually it's called "having an IQ running into three digits.

[dannubis]

We all know Kid does not like to ask why...

[Tuberski]

no ****? my feelings are hurt because my friends decided my feelings weren't important. pay attention. also my seeing someone else is a different set of circumstances as she wasn't my ex's friend. also also, she did go to him for certain values of 'right after.' also also also, he may or may not have been influencing things in a particular direction before she and i split up.

They are right, your feelings don't matter.

Your friend may or may not have been porking your ex wife, too. May or may not, doesn't mean ****.

End your friendship with them if you can't deal with it. Just remember, he was there for you after your divorce, so if you end it, he was a better friend to you than you are to him.

ACK!