Pointless referendum on Scottish independance set for 2014

[kentonio]

Scotland to be offered independence or sugary snack

SCOTLAND’S referendum will offer the country a choice between independence or some delicious confectionery.

David Cameron and Alex Salmond, Scotland’s roly-poly first minister, will today sign a historic agreement that will lead to either the end of the union or millions of chocolate-covered faces.

After months of tense negotiations the UK and Scottish governments have agreed the terms of the referendum, which worried Tories have warned could lead to them having a permanent majority in England.

But it is the definition of ‘snack’ which proved the biggest obstacle to an agreement, with the UK insisting a Creme Egg would be sufficient while officials in Edinburgh initially suggested a 14 foot-long Swiss roll.

The referendum will now ask: “Do you want Scotland to be independent or would you like a Star Bar?”

Julian Cook, professor of pointless questions at Roehampton University, said: “There was a long, bitter argument about whether the snack should be sweet or savoury.

“Whitehall made a derisory offer of some Wotsits, while the SNP pushed for a ‘bridie’, which is a Scottish version of a Cornish pasty that refuses to acknowledge the existence of vegetables and is made of hamsters.

“Eventually both sides found they were able to move forward on the basis of sugary goo.”

Cook added: “Cameron does seem to have won a tactical victory by granting the vote to thousands of fat Scottish teenagers.”

Meanwhile, research suggests that an independent Scotland will just spend all of its oil money on crisps and chocolate within the first month.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Technically probably, but the long standing thing here has been that if a majority want to leave, we're not going to try and force them to stay. Same policy we have with Northern Ireland.

Of course, but as Mike pointed out, the terms will have to be favorable to the UK for that to happen. If Scotland decides its just going to leave and take everything without compensation, that likely won't fly.

[MikeH]

Some good facts:

http://blogs.channel4.com/factcheck/factcheck-who-loses-if-scotland-goes-it-alone/6524

Most interesting thing in that not previously mentioned here:

What proportion of UK deficit does Scotland take on?

[kentonio]

Huge questions continue to be unanswered including how much of the UK's national debt they would inherit

[MikeH]

Ha, sorry.

[C0ckney]

I think you are confusing the soveriegn territorial waters with the exclusive economic zone.

yes it appears that you are right.

[C0ckney]

from mike's link.

Detailed research of the money brought in by the UK oil and gas fields suggests that Scottish waters – defined by the line of demarcation used in the fishing industry – accounted for 91.1 per cent of UK North Sea revenue in 2008/09.

[kentonio]

Aye. It appears however that the estimates they use for the value are based on 2009/2010 when oil prices were at their highest ever point.

[Imran Siddiqui]

The fishing industy's "line of demarcation" ain't exactly binding .

[MikeH]

Aye. It appears however that the estimates they use for the value are based on 2009/2010 when oil prices were at their highest ever point.

That's the biggest worry for them, or it should be.

[notyoueither]

Which seems thoroughly ridiculous, given how prosperous the UK is.

Nationalist independence movements are not normally propelled by sound economics.

[C0ckney]

No-one seriously thought Scotland was going to get a referendum on independance until a few years ago either.

i would astonished if people didn't see an independence referendum, as at least a strong possibility, after devolution in 1999.

True, what about if Orkney decides it wants to be part of the UK? After all it was actually Norwegian until 500 years ago.

but how would orkney decide? they might well vote no in the referendum, but that is a different question to separating from scotland itself. presumably there'd have to be negotiations and another vote as well.

Nope, I'm saying that when you open a can of worms by insisting on peoples right to self determination, then you're opening yourself up to be asked the same questions. It may sounds unlikely or implausible, but there are people in Orkney and Shetlands and the Borders asking these questions right now.

You may be surprised. It's already something that's been discussed by the Lords and by Shetland MP's in the recent past.

i don't disagree that it could open a can of worms. however, while people in those areas may vote no to leaving the UK, it's a different matter as to whether they would, in the wake of a yes vote, wish to leave scotland.

[kentonio]

The people of the Shetlands don't like the Scots very much.

[Hauldren Collider]

Why not just propose federalism? Turn England, N.I., Wales, and Scotland into some analogue of US states with real separation of powers.

[MikeH]

SNP have said Shetland could opt out anyway:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/9156220/SNP-admits-Shetland-and-Orkney-could-opt-out-of-independent-Scotland.html