How Many Times Have You Been in Love?

[Zoetstofzoetje]

Honestly, I suspect that some of the reason PH hasn't found anyone is similar to why Alby hasn't, girls (especially the more interesting girls) almost all believe in Love.

JM

[MrFun]

Let's take an example, MOBIUS.

A woman is happily married to a Marine who is obviously fit and handsome. Some time during his service overseas, say the Marine suffered from serious burns to his face. The wife will not leave him just because of that.

Now, take the same two people, only they are single and they're at a party or a club. The Marine this time has already suffered from serious burns to his face, and it shows. I seriously doubt the woman will see anything in him and so probably would never fall in love with him.

[Jon Miller]

It is true that looks play a big role in initial attraction.

For non-shallow people, looks don't play much or any of a role after initial attraction.

An ugly guy or girl can 'get' with a hot guy or girl if they can get close in some other fashion than initial attraction.

For guys it is often with music/art/humor/etc.

JM

[MrFun]

Right - hence my point that if there is no initial attraction you will not fall in love with a person.

So why is MOBIUS outraged by the truth that physical looks is a huge factor for love to happen in the first place?

[Arrian]

Twice, but the two are very different experiences. I made the mistake, for years, of thinking that first love = love. First love is love on steroids, or crack or something. Love doesn't always feel like that, it turns out.

-Arrian

[Cort Haus]

There's a difference between falling in love based on initial sexual fireworks and a developing love based on friendship and compatibility. Looks can be relevant to both, of course, but are less important in the latter.

[Jon Miller]

And it isn't love.

JM

[Al B. Sure!]

I can empathise as my first love broke up with me and I remember feeling bereft to the extent that I thought she was irreplacable. But then you move on and realise you're suddenly free to be yourself for a while until you meet the next person. Now after several major relationships, loves and infatuations, I can look back at her and see that if we were to meet now, that she would definitely come last in a list if I ever had to rank them all. Which is a pretty awful thing to say, but it does make my point succinctly.

Not that that really helps you right now...

That's exactly what I'm saying. No single woman is special for you. You'd be just as happy with dozens of other women as with this one that you put on a pedestal.

[Cort Haus]

Sorry Al, but on what personal experience are you basing this analysis?

[giblets]

All of his rejections have felt the same.

[Al B. Sure!]

Pining for one person is senseless. You do that for a long time and they just keep rejecting you or they treat you like **** because you will do anything for them... then after you finally move on, you start pining for another person and repeating the senseless cycle of being a sucker to these females.

Until you realize, wait a second... I thought this woman was my angel and she wasn't but this one surely is my true angel but no she rejects me... but wait a second... why am I thinking I'm madly in love with this woman when, if history is a guide, when I'm forced to finally move on, I will fall madly in love with the next woman...

And then it hits you that what you think is love is false and that you will be just as happy with any of hundreds of women as with any particular woman you pined over.

[Cort Haus]

You're talking about unrequited love there, Al.

Real love goes both ways.

[Jon Miller]

Al, you aren't doing yourself any favors with your attitude.

JM

[Cort Haus]

Also, gribs did seem to pre-emptively sum your post up quite succinctly.

[DaShi]

You're talking about unrequited love there, Al.

Real love goes both ways.

Just like Alby. What up!