The Pounding At 3:00 AM

[DaShi]

on guns!!!

[The Mad Monk]

Ruger P95, $350

Ruger GP100 Model 1707 $600

Mossberg 500 shotgun $350

[DaShi]

Good, but now you have to kill someone to get a return on your investment.

[The Mad Monk]

Nah.

Poking holes in targets at 25 yards is plenty fun, and doesn't invoke all those pesky psychological problems later.

[The Mad Monk]

Deranged Gunman Opens Fire On Shooting Range | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

SAN ANTONIO—A man described by eyewitnesses as "unsettled" and "disturbed" walked into the local Guns Galore Shooting Range early Tuesday morning, paid for a half hour's worth of time, and then calmly opened fire on dozens of unsuspecting targets.

Sources said the man, now identified as Bryon James Woodrich, entered the establishment at approximately 8:30 a.m. armed with a pistol. After a brief exchange with the gun range manager, Woodrich purchased a box of ammunition, showed two pieces of ID, signed in, walked to stall No. 17, and at once began his crazed shooting spree.

Woodrich

"He just kept firing, over and over again—bam, bam, bam, bam, bam," said manager Clyde Jenkins, recalling the chilling scene. "From the moment he stepped into Guns Galore, it was clear that this man only had one thing on his mind."

Witnesses said Woodrich displayed no emotion whatsoever during the 29-minute barrage. Many watched in silence as the gunman unloaded 12 shots at extremely close range into the chest and head of a defenseless target, pausing only to reload. One witness said that the shooter actually exited the gun range with a "look of relief" on his face.

"I should have seen this coming," said San Antonio resident, Carlotta Vasquez, who has known Woodrich for over 10 years. "He's been having a tough time since [ex-wife] Sheila left him, and they recently cut his hours at the plant. And he was always talking about needing to blow off some steam, but I never would have thought that this is what he meant. Had I known, I would have tried to be there for him, to say something."

"It didn't have to come to this," Vasquez continued. "We could have gone fishing or bowling or whatnot."

A handwritten note on the gunman's refrigerator warned the shooting spree would occur "after he picked up groceries."

Close friends of Woodrich, who is believed to own at least two other handguns and an unknown number of rifles, said he displayed many warning signs in the months leading up to the shooting. A loner, Woodrich was known to be quiet and withdrawn, channeling all his energies into his work and violent hobbies, like hunting.

"I once saw Bryon shoot a beautiful six-point buck like it was nothing," friend Kenneth Schlissel said. "In the end, I guess I'm not surprised he ended up at the gun range."

According to his ex-wife Sheila Mann, Woodrich was "obsessed" with firearm and hunting magazines, which he would frequently read alone in his basement "for hours and hours on end."

"He and his friends were always talking about guns and the shooting range and how they couldn't wait for the weekend to come," Mann said. "They'd argue about who was the best shot and what guns they were going to buy and whose gun was the biggest."

"It scared me," she added.

After exhausting his final two clips, Woodrich reportedly fled the premises still carrying the loaded weapon. He was then seen entering a bank, a gas station, and a fried chicken restaurant before returning home and voluntarily disarming himself.

Thus far, no charges have been brought against the deranged shooter, nor has the gun range taken any extra precautions to prevent a similar incident in the future.

In fact, some residents, like Guns Galore assistant manager Ken Marshall, said they only have themselves to blame.

"Looking back, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened," Marshall said. "Bryon pretty much comes in here every Tuesday."

[Felch]

I got a Mossberg 500. Put a bunch of teeny tiny holes in my bedroom wall with it. It's a fine piece of equipment.

[Al B. Sure!]

Why the **** did you buy 3?!

[ColdWizard]

Greater volume of fire before reloading.

[Al B. Sure!]

I notice he went pistol, revolver, and shotgun. Variety is the spice of life, eh?

[The Mad Monk]

Shotgun is for the computer room, where I often am late at night, and may be stuck in if somebody kicks in the door while I'm there.

The pistols are for the bedroom. The revolver is easy to understand and use, even if you're jolted out of a sound sleep. The autoloader is to backup the revolver.