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  • Fantasy time is over

    Back in early February, I went to a social evening at a friends place. At this social evening, my friends had hired a coworker of theirs who spent her weekends acting as a personal chef. She was rather stunning and I made it a point to flirt with her a bit. She was also a tremendous chef.

    Before the end of the night, I had found out that she was roughly 14 years my elder, but that didn't stop me from hitting on her. Over the internets, I had arranged to meet up with her a couple of nights later, and well, there were sparks to say the least.

    Things continued on with us seeing each other rather regularly. Eventually, it was more than just physical and we became a little less secretive around the people we knew. Most of my friends thought I had struck gold with an incredibly hot older woman, and her friends were supportive of her as well.

    We both knew with the difference in age, our relationship probably couldn't go on forever, but yet we proceded, as we both got along great in just about every way. Never a fight, lots of very fluid conversations, many warm moments.

    Last night, she came to my place for the first time. I still live at home, and so as was inevitable, she met my parents. It seemed a little bit weird. My parents, and my mom specially, knew I was seeing a much older women, and they were generally happy that I was very pleased with my situation, but meeting her changed things. Today they sat me down and had a long chat, generally asking "What are you doing, and why?" What it came down to was my parents were afraid I was getting myself into trouble I couldn't handle (which I didn't agree with) and that this relationship was weird and couldn't hope to last much longer (which I had to begrudgingly agree with).

    Early in the evening, I called her and told her what we had talked about, and while she wasn't exactly pleased, she agreed with the conclusions made. We chatted about it a bit more, and we both agreed that it was a good excuse to end something we otherwise would both have postponed ending. All the same, shes kinda hurt as she was very fond of me, and I am not entirely happy either, as I do think shes pretty awesome, and if it weren't for circumstance, I'd want something long term with a girl like her.

    So now I'm left with this feeling that I did everything right (atleast when confronted), but it still sucks for all involved.
    Last edited by Ninot; May 12, 2008, 02:00.
    Resident Filipina Lady Boy Expert.

  • #2
    Uhhh... how old are you? 23 if your profile is right. Even if she is 14 years older than you it's none of your parents business who you date. You're not a teenager anymore.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Riesstiu IV
      Uhhh... how old are you? 23 if your profile is right. Even if she is 14 years older than you it's none of your parents business who you date. You're not a teenager anymore.
      QFT.

      You didn't do everything right. Specifically, you screwed up royally by either (1) treating a casual affair like it was serious enough to require a "meet the parents" moment, or (2) treating a serious relationship like it was something mommy and daddy could veto.

      Guess you'll know better next time.
      "I have as much authority as the pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it." — George Carlin

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      • #4
        I am 47 so I am probably older than both of you.


        WHAT THE **** WERE YOU THINKING. It seems to me you posted this because you didn't like your decision but felt it fell in line with what "other people" thought. Now you might spend the rest of your life regretting it.

        The "right" person for you isn't necessarily within 2.6 years of your age (or whatever your friends and family feel comfortable with). The right person for you is whatever YOU feel comforatable with.

        I'm not saying this is the "right person" for you because I have no way of knowing. But, I don't think you would have posted this unless she was very special to you. It is very rare in life when you think you may have found "the right person", and to let someone else's opinion interfere on what could be the most important decision in your life is stupid.

        If you truely feel the way I think you do about her, as soon as you are done reading this give her a call. If not give me her number because my brother wouldn't mnd meeting a beautiful, intelligent female chef that is about 14 years younger than him.

        Godd Luck and don't worry about what others think, do what feels right to you!

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        • #5
          lesson of the story: dont live with your parents
          Co-Founder, Apolyton Civilization Site
          Co-Owner/Webmaster, Top40-Charts.com | CTO, Apogee Information Systems
          giannopoulos.info: my non-mobile non-photo news & articles blog

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          • #6
            Originally posted by MarkG
            lesson of the story: dont live with your parents
            Sums it up best
            Blah

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            • #7
              Originally posted by BeBro
              Sums it up best
              For sure. And parents who think they have veto power in your romantic relationships are screwed up anyway.
              The Apolytoner formerly known as Alexander01
              "God has given no greater spur to victory than contempt of death." - Hannibal Barca, c. 218 B.C.
              "We can legislate until doomsday but that will not make men righteous." - George Albert Smith, A.D. 1949
              The Kingdom of Jerusalem: Chronicles of the Golden Cross - a Crusader Kings After Action Report

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              • #8
                and we both agreed that it was a good excuse to end something we otherwise would both have postponed ending.

                Yeah, blame the parents. It was going to end. The parents didn't end it.
                Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
                "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
                He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

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                • #9
                  um, yeah. what they said ^^
                  The Wizard of AAHZ

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                  • #10
                    Post a pic of her
                    THEY!!111 OMG WTF LOL LET DA NOMADS AND TEH S3D3NTARY PEOPLA BOTH MAEK BITER AXP3REINCES
                    AND TEH GRAAT SINS OF THERE [DOCTRINAL] INOVATIONS BQU3ATH3D SMAL
                    AND!!1!11!!! LOL JUST IN CAES A DISPUTANT CALS U 2 DISPUT3 ABOUT THEYRE CLAMES
                    DO NOT THAN DISPUT3 ON THEM 3XCAPT BY WAY OF AN 3XTARNAL DISPUTA!!!!11!! WTF

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                    • #11
                      this thread is worthless without pics.
                      "The Christian way has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found to be hard and left untried" - GK Chesterton.

                      "The most obvious predicition about the future is that it will be mostly like the past" - Alain de Botton

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by MarkG
                        lesson of the story: dont live with your parents
                        Absolutely. While I agree with Rufus, this was actually your first mistake.
                        "The French caused the war [Persian Gulf war, 1991]" - Ned
                        "you people who bash Bush have no appreciation for one of the great presidents in our history." - Ned
                        "I wish I had gay sex in the boy scouts" - Dissident

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                        • #13
                          ****ty deal, but like the others I discount the opinions of my parents when it comes to relationships. Needless to say they weren't very happy that I was dating a boy back in the day.

                          I just told them it's my life, it's my decision, it's my relationship...they grew to accept it over time and now they treat my SO just like my brother's longtime girlfriend as welcoming him to the family.
                          "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                          Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

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                          • #14
                            I think a lot of you are making assumptions that you know of the specific details... particularly given that Ninot indicated that it was probably ending anyway:
                            Early in the evening, I called her and told her what we had talked about, and while she wasn't exactly pleased, she agreed with the conclusions made. We chatted about it a bit more, and we both agreed that it was a good excuse to end something we otherwise would both have postponed ending.


                            IOW, for undisclosed reasons it wasn't going to work out (I could imagine plenty - she's too old to have kids safely, being the main one [downs syndrome risk is very high >35] and plenty of others - what if she was a Leafs fan, even ) and the parents bringing it up made that clear, even if their rational was silly.

                            I'm all on board with the "tell your parents to screw off if they interfere with your relationship" folks generally, but I don't think that's what happened here... sometimes parents are useful for providing an unbiased opinion on things that you're too close to see

                            So, Ninot, if I read this correctly - Good luck finding your way and it sounds like you're a good guy in any event, older women usually won't put up with a younger guy for long if they're not mature and caring; so you're going to find someone else, and have a great life with her
                            <Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
                            I like your SNOOPY POSTER! - While you Wait quote.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Asher
                              ****ty deal, but like the others I discount the opinions of my parents when it comes to relationships. Needless to say they weren't very happy that I was dating a boy back in the day.

                              I just told them it's my life, it's my decision, it's my relationship...they grew to accept it over time and now they treat my SO just like my brother's longtime girlfriend as welcoming him to the family.
                              I didn't know you had told your parents.

                              ACK!
                              Don't try to confuse the issue with half-truths and gorilla dust!

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