Am I my brother's keeper?

[Lancer]

Dolores and I have been sending $100 a month to my brother in law, Bonifacio, for years now. He used it to look after his wife and 4 kids. Plus, we've let them live in our house. Then, before this last trip, we sent $1200 to buy a rice field. He took $900 of that and made a partial payment on the field and took $300 and blew it on the cockfights. So, when we arrived we had to pay the $300 out of our vacation fund.

So now he is kicked out and the wife and kids went with him. They live in her mother's house. We are providing milk for the kids through a trusted friend of Dolores who handles the $ to buy it.

They are on their own in a land almost tottaly lacking in oportunity. He's going to really have to scramble.

Am I doing the right thing?

[DaShi]

Pay for a man's cockfight, and he'll be amused for a night. Teach a man of the cockfight, and he'll be amused for his life.

[Ben Kenobi]

Why did he get kicked off of the rice field? I thought you covered the 300 he needed.

[Lancer]

Ben, it wasn't his rice field. We bought it from somebody else, not family. It now belongs to Dolores. He used $300 of the money we sent ($1200total) to buy the field for Dolores. He took it and wasted it gambling on cockfights. Our hard earned money...


Btw, besides milk, we provide them with rice from our 2 fields... so they have the basics.

[Ben Kenobi]

Ah, wasn't clear if you kicked him off or not.

Who's looking after the place?

Would it be possible to give him the job of looking after the place with the understanding that if he does anything out of line that you will not support him or his family anymore?

[BlackCat]

It seems that there are a lot of kicking going around in this thread, but noone seems to kick the guy that needs it.

Support the lady (in lack of a better word - I got confused in the relationships ) and her children directly - that is in such a way that he can't get the money.

If he gets his act together again, then talk to him, but unitl that concentrate on the mother and children.

[Colon™]

I'd echo that. Transferring the money to women usually results to more responsible management of it, that's why it's the new approach in development aid as well for instance.

[chequita guevara]

Re: Am I my brother's keeper?

Only if you're a Christian or a commie.

[DaShi]

Lancer, does your family work the fields or do you hire people?

[Lancer]

Giving the $ to his wife is no solution. It's a male dominated society and all he would have to do is tell her to give it to him.

My thought is to provide for their absolute basics and if he wants to provide for anything extra he'll have to take what work he can find. There is occasional work available at low pay, $3 to $4 a day. That should teach him the value of the $300 he gambled away, as well as the value of the family relationship he damaged. I hope to get him straighted out so that in a few years we can try to trust him again.

Lots of Philippine families are dealing with life without free rice and milk...

DaShi, when we buy a rice field we split the crop with the sellers who continue to work it. Kicking them off the land might put them in hardship...

Ben, the place is locked up. Dolores's friend ,Teresa, who lives across the street checks on things. It's a good nieghborhood.

[Ben Kenobi]

Lancer:

That was my thought to have him working for his rice and milk for awhile, until he paid off his debt to you. This way his family would still be provided for and he'd have a job.

[Jon Miller]

yes

jm

[DaShi]

Originally posted by Lancer
DaShi, when we buy a rice field we split the crop with the sellers who continue to work it. Kicking them off the land might put them in hardship...

I see, but you know as a land owner you'll be one of the first targets when the revolution comes.

[Lancer]

Ben, that's a good thought. If the currenct plan goes nowhere I might give it a whirl. I think this will work though.

DaShi, no doubt.

[Ecthy]

Lancer: milk him and rice up in the local hierarchy.