mrmitchell's NES: Tough Times

[mrmitchell]

moderator stuff
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Geneva-based group "Watching the World" (french "Regardez le Monde", I think) has published an analysis of the top 5 nations in several categories on Earth. The analyses were made by independent investigators and may not correctly align with how that nation portrays its status.

Strongest economies
1. USA
2. China
3. France
4. Russia
5. Germany

Strongest militaries
1. USA
2. China
3. Germany
4. Russia
5. France

Highest Discontent
1. France
2 (tie). Mexico*
2 (tie). China*
4. USA
5. Russia
*For the purposes of this survey, official government statistics were not used. There is a particularly wide margin of error possible for discontent ratings, but methods were used to ensure anonymity of individuals, so that they could not fear being beaten by government officials.

Infrastructure
1. USA
2. France
3. Germany
4 (tie). China
4 (tie). Russia

Education
1. France
2. USA
3. Germany
4. (entire group) Morgan Freeman Alliance
5. Russia

After publishing the data, the French government rewarded their pursuit of knowledge with undisclosed sums of cash deposited to their secret Swiss bank accounts. The independence of the group has since come under fire--especially since King Mrmitchell was seen at various events with them--but France issued a statement backing up their correctness. "Oh, yes, they are very independent," the statement said. "No bias at all. And we definitely didn't bribe them, in sums of under $100,000 each. That would be cheap."

[mrmitchell]

France to Mexico
France has its own space program, but does not wish to sell our hard-earned parts. They are too expensive to replace. However, we can offer you professional assistance.

France to Mexico (tooop secret)
...if you figure out a way to use it against China.

[Nubclear]

CHINA to MEXICO:
China is deeply disappointed in you

[bipolarbear]

Mexico to Russia
We choose to be screwed fby the Russians. The Chinese have already f**cked us enough.

[Nubclear]

CHINA to MEXICO:
The Russians may be right in that you can't go above 99%, you can get higher power!
China is the worlds leading military power. Russia is the armpit of Europe.
Who would you trust?

[foolish_icarus]

Russia to Mexico :

Eh, if you just try and use them immediately after shipment, maybe 50 to 80% chance of success. But with a very small amount of maintenance and calibration, success rate will go up to 95-99%. And no one can really claim to do significantly better. All hardware requires adjustment and up-to-the-last-minute testing/calibration. For only a nominal fee, we can do the calibration for you and deliver them to you ready-to-use, minimal assembly required.


EDIT : You see! China will rip you off. Our products come with a guarantee and at a reasonable price.

[Nubclear]

CHINA to MEXICO: They were made here in Gangzhou! They have a.....
Well, first, how much are you willing to pay?

[mrmitchell]

France alleges that the use of the mass media as a tool for Emperor De La Rocha is corrupt. France reenacts its tariffs on Mexico.

[bipolarbear]

Mexico to China
But when were your parts made?

Mexico to Russia
What is the % probability that your parts will work?

Mexico News!!!!
The Mexican textile industry has suffered a massive blow, due to the recent shift in style. Clothing is no longer long, but the infidel Americans to the North have infected out culture with their short, revealing, and generally lascivious clothing. The scantily clad citizerns are beginning to copulate more, and that has caused a predictable popuilation spike in the years to come.
Ultimatley though, Mexico is enforcing a stricter dresscode. All citizens wil be required to wear at least three layers of clothing that will consist on long sleeves,, and pants REGARDLESS of temperature. The citizens will need to build up a natural resistance ot heat, in case global thermonuclear war should ever erupt.
Emperor De La Rocha's media campaign has been a huge media success!! The sales, and ratings for everything are in record numbers. Emperor De La Rocha has also decided to write a romance novel entitled "Zabibah and the Emperor". It takes place on a date that is crucial in Mexican history.

Mexican New that is known, but not said for fear of execution(SECRET)
The reason for Emperor De La Rocha's success in the Mexican media, is becasue he dominates it. There is nothing else. It is all state owned. The clothing is just an attempt to boost the Mexican economy, by increasing frivolous spending within the destitute regime.

[Nubclear]

CHINA to MEXICO:
Remember, our military is better than that of Russia.
You get what you pay for!

[foolish_icarus]

Russia to Mexico :

Feel free to shop around, just keep in mind that anything China has is based off of a Russian design, except the Chinese version is half as effective, twice as expensive, is only 75 % as likely to work, and most importantly only one of them really exists and anything they sell you isactually only a cardboard cutout or a 1/100 scale plastic model, and even that is crappy.

The Russia models, while old, are solidly built and well-maintained (we staked everything on their operation, afterall). They will do exactly what you need in the most cost effective way, and would be worth it just for the technical expertise you would gain from examining them.

[Nubclear]

CHINA to MEXICO:
They are not in working condition, and they aren't worth anything!
You'd best go to your local "Xiao Zhongguo" and buy them instead

[foolish_icarus]

Russia to Mexico :

yeah well they're pretty cheap, but still good and in mostly working condition. Worth a bit.

[bipolarbear]

Mexico to the World
In an effort ot please his fanatical public, Emperor De La Rocha has decided to make himself into a media figure. He has begun working on his new album "Evil Empire". But music isn't hte only medium currently being conquered by De La Rocha. The state has begun to publish his own magazine, and is funding the creation of his very own television channel. Empreror De La Rocha has also begun to invest in having his very own clothing brand which will depict him similarly to the way that Che' has been depicted in modern times. All is going well and De La Rocha is confident about his new celebrity status.

What is actually happening, but the govt. isn't really officially announcing(SECRET)

Emperor De La Rocha is trying to boost his public image, to quell the dissenters, by giving hte mthe cultural brainwash that is offered by the mass media. In a country that has been turned to a pile of rubble, the people need something to cling to, and why not their leader? Everyting De La Rocha is cheaply made, but overpriced(much like Nike does) and all of the money goes directly back to the state. In a sense, it is getting the people to pay taxes without knowing it. Also, Emperor De La Rocha can't sing, he has other singers do the vocals, and then he lipsynch's.

[bipolarbear]

Mexico to Russia
We assume that due to the condition of these parts, we can expect the prices to be relative to that of the Goodwill? But yes, Mexico would be very interested in purchasing Russian rocket parts.