Could use some advice about my situation

[orange]

Honestly for some reason I've been attracting every girl I meet as of late: and that's something that has never happened to me before (With relatively little change in my outward appearance) but I just haven't been interested. Too busy, or just a little scarred from the last one, I've decided to lay low for a bit on the dating scene.

I'm certainly not interested in taking her back. I feel betrayed on many levels, and I no longer feel the same unquestionable attraction I once had for this girl. I used to look at her, and no matter what it was, my heart would melt. Those days are gone. I've forgiven a lot of mistakes, and I try not to hold these things against her, but there comes a point where it's no longer desirable to be in such a relationship when, while the highs are bliss, the lows are devastating and painful.

[monolith94]

Wow, I feel like I could not disagree more with Sikander. Not only does he make broad assumptions concerning the two, but his analysis seems such a magnificent and implausable stretch!
That said, I have to agree that it was, as the French say pas de tes ongions (sp) (none of your onions!). think about it, she splits up with you, want to hook back up, and then you tell her that you need a while to think about it. Time to "think it out". This could be take, to a neurotic personality, as a rejection. And because it is now you doing the rejection, not only has she been rejected, but the tables are turned, lending it extra impact! So, dismayed, she feel is not worthy, she suffers from lack of self confidence. This happened to a good female friend of mine: after breaking up with her boyfriend of half a year they broke up and then she lost her virginity to someone she had barely known. And of course, when the possibility of a relationship between the two of you is raised, she would want to conceal her hasty decision.
But come on man, everyone makes mistakes! If you two weren't going out, it's legal in my playbook. It's sad and depressing, yes, but that's where the catch comes in: she's got to make it up to you!

[orange]

monolith: i agree that she can do whatever she wants to do. Technically I would argue that she is within her rights to do whatever she wants to do even if I am in a relationship with her. But it is also my right to know the terms of the relationship I am getting into, and be answered honestly when I have questions regarding a possible relationship. I didn't reject her. I grossly simplified things by saying I said I needed to think about it, when in reality, it was long talks basically leading to the ends of "I want to get back together with you too, but right now isn't the best time. I don't intend to date anyone else, but I want to get everything straight in my head before we go back into a relationship"

You're right, everyone does make mistakes, and I've forgiven in the past...I don't know if I can forgive this time, though. I don't think I can. I think my forgiveness has been tapped dry.

[Lincoln]

Forgive and forget orange. You obviously care for her at least as a brother would his sister. These type of relationships can blossom over time. I hope you continue to try and help her as a friend would help another. She may not know it but she was testing your love for her. I hope you can past the test. You are on the right path as far as I can tell. Even though you broke up with her you still care. Be patient and see where this ends. And I will be praying for you both so that this situation turns to good. Being her friend now is probably the best help you can give her.

[orange]

thanks lincoln. Long time no see.

For the record though, she broke up with me

[Jack the Bodiless]

...Yes, she broke up with you.

And she regrets her decision.

And she has apologized.

And she wants you back.

Desperately.

Which is obviously WHY she lied to you.

I honestly cannot see anything else that she can do in this situation. She has apparently tried everything she can to make amends and you're not listening.

...So you need to be VERY sure that she isn't suitable for you. Don't be so stiff-necked about this "she lied to me" stuff. If you have other reasons for not wanting her anymore, then we cannot judge what they are.

But on the basis of the reasons you've given so far: frankly, you're being a jerk.

Sorry about that, but that's how it looks from where I'm standing.

[orange]

obviously there are other factors, and I don't think not wanting to date someone makes me a jerk, but thanks for your thoughts

[FemmeAdonis]

Remove yourself from the people who hold you down and don't allow you to be the person you are capable of being. thats what I always say.


if you are truly worried about this girl.....talk to her and find out whats the matter. Maybe she's just CHANGING..the way everyone does at a certain age. I sure am quite different from when I was 18, and even 21.

People go through stages..and maybe this is one of her stages.

regarding her statement about shooting herself in the head for her actions..tell her that that would be the MOST stupid action she could ever commit. Let her know, that wouldn't punsih herself, just the people who care or have cared for her.




BTW..I didnt read through the whole thread..just the first page.

[orange]

thanks Femme. I don't know if you read this part, but I did go to her to make sure she was ok.

[FemmeAdonis]

waait waaait..i just read this

Originally posted by Jack the Bodiless
...Yes, she broke up with you.

And she regrets her decision.

And she has apologized.

And she wants you back.

Desperately.

Which is obviously WHY she lied to you.

there is NEVER any reason to lie in a relationship.

I honestly cannot see anything else that she can do in this situation. She has apparently tried everything she can to make amends and you're not listening.

he heard her side. Ever heard the phrase "forgiven but not forgotten"?

...So you need to be VERY sure that she isn't suitable for you. Don't be so stiff-necked about this "she lied to me" stuff. If you have other reasons for not wanting her anymore, then we cannot judge what they are.

Apparently he's sure. Its the trust factor. I certainly couldn't see msyelf with a man who lied to me in that manner.Its betrayal.

But on the basis of the reasons you've given so far: frankly, you're being a jerk.

Sorry about that, but that's how it looks from where I'm standing.

Question..have you ever had a long term relationship like this? I think he's being VERY fair in his reasoning. In you're mind you can say "you are forgiven" but the heart isnt quite so forgiving no matter how much you believe it is.

[FemmeAdonis]

orange..no I didnt read that...but Im glad you did. You are a good man.

[Ozz]

She is an untrustworthy liar.

She'll be nothin' be a emotional strain on you, as your
past experience shows.

Tell her to hit to road, and no "Mr. Nice Guy" this time,make it clear and make it final.

"fool me once, shame on you"
"fool me twice, shame on me"

Scottty

[FemmeAdonis]

woooord

[TCO]

Originally posted by Tiamat
There are many factors at work here. First and foremost love and history between the two of you. It's natural for you to care for her. And as for what's going on the "self destructive" behavior........quite more like a phase. She's off at college let out of the cage so to speak. She's not with you the in her comfort zone and with one with whom she's so familiar. One tends to try new things and get taken in by people and trends for a time (even the drinking) but it does usually subside.

Not to say that there isn't room for concern and since you two do have such a long history together you will always be linked in some way......know that and accept it.

I'm on both sides of the fence on part of this while I agree if you weren't dating each other then each of your private lives are just that ...........PRIVATE. If she chose to share her episodes with you then she chooses to not have it be private. Again this would be where the history and love comes into play because while you know this logically your heart wrenchs and feels betrayed. It's a no win for both parties. Everyone gets hurt on some level.

It's simple she lied to you about the other guy because she still loves you and you still love her. The quandry here is what leve is it for both of you. Is her's because you're comfortable and safe and ditto for you is she? If you want to know if you were betrayed then yes, on some level you were but not in the true sense of the word. Always let your human or humane side shine through in life.

Care for her help her and be her friend. In that way you've lost nothing but gained everything. You've said in your heart you know you could never be with her again.......one word of advice my little schmoopie.....never say never.

As long as we're in soul-baring, love-discussing mode...what is the truth about your pregnancy?

[orange]

let's not open up that can of worms again, eh? Not on my thread. Ming? A little selective deleting if you please?