Could use some advice about my situation

[Inverse Icarus]

you have to charge your ice beam for this one, orange, and fire it whenever she opens her mouth, thats the only way to do it.

oh, nevermind.

[orange]

well...I did what I thought I should do at this moment in time. I secured the fact that she is indeed ok, and is not thinking about harming herself or suicide.

With that squared away we both have time to analyze the situation. I approached her, told her what I saw, explained that I was concerned, and asked if she was ok. She said she thought she was, but now that she realizes what I'm saying, it isn't like her and she was ashamed, I think. For now though i know she is not in harm's way.

Alls I got that was concrete was: "You really are the only person that has ever cared about me, aren't you?"

I didn't answer.

Boshko: I place a great deal of meaning on sex and honesty. She gave to some almost random guy what I built with her in 3 years. Then she lied about it to me, both before and after the fact. I had to 'discover' what was going on. I was played the fool. That is why I didn't take her back, and that is why I won't.

[chequita guevara]

Who she slept with when she wasn't dating you is nonyadamnbiznez. You had no right to ask her, nor did you have any right to expect the truth from her, cuz it was nonyadamnbiznez. She likely felt that lying to you was the only way to maintain a relationship in the face of what was an unreasonable demand on your part. You deserved to be lied to, cuz it was nonyadamnbiznez. You wronged her, not the other way around.

[orange]

I don't care what you say, Che. I'm well within my rights to know the terms of my relationship with a person, especially my (at the time) best friend and (at the time) love interest. If I don't wish to be in a relationship with someone who so willingly enters into sexual relations, whether I be morally or otherwise against it, I should expect the truth when I ask.

If I had asked if she had any sexually transmitted diseases, and she said no, but she did, wouldn't you feel that I was within my rights to ask and be told an honest answer?

[Zero]

whoa che showed me a new word. way to go che.
what does it mean anyway? (nonyadamnbiznez)

I thought the issue was about her well being, but if you still have some feeling in there and is conflicted about it, that tells me that you value being faithful and honest over her. Even though it means you and her didnt have a relationship then. Honesty may sound like a good reason, but you're still saying that she's not valued enough for you compared to your principle of honesty. If shes not on the first thing in your list, she's probabaly not for you anyway.

EDIT: ugh just got it now. Cant beleive i thought it was a word for a sec. lol

[Jon Miller]

it is your business if you want it to be, as long as you recognise that you may be asked to back off

life is about making things that are not your business your business

Jon Miller

[orange]

I don't see how it wasn't my business. She wanted to get back together with me. It's not as if I came out of no where asking her to tell me about who she'd been sleeping with. The question was important to my decision to get back together with her or not. Personally, I need to value the character and chastity of any partner I would have. Girls that sleep around are not the types of girls I want to date. This case was no exception. If she intended to sleep around, or knew that she would if given the chance, she should have said "I'd rather not discuss this" at which case I would not wish to persue the relationship as she was not willing to be honest and up front about that. If that person would rather not be with someone that asks those types of questions, or cares about that, then good...she just found out that I'm no good for her.

[Zero]

Originally posted by orange


I don't care what you say, Che. I'm well within my rights to know the terms of my relationship with a person, especially my (at the time) best friend and (at the time) love interest. If I don't wish to be in a relationship with someone who so willingly enters into sexual relations, whether I be morally or otherwise against it, I should expect the truth when I ask.

If I had asked if she had any sexually transmitted diseases, and she said no, but she did, wouldn't you feel that I was within my rights to ask and be told an honest answer?

But you werent in a relationship with her while she was sleeping around with people.

As for honesty, perhaps your're one of those people you rather not want to tell the truth. I dunno if you guys understand what im saying but there are some people who id rather lie since they really suck at dealing with the truth. Or mayber its her.. Id have to know the situation more before I judge her for lying about somethign like this.

[orange]

Originally posted by Calc II
whoa che showed me a new word. way to go che.
what does it mean anyway? (nonyadamnbiznez)

I thought the issue was about her well being, but if you still have some feeling in there and is conflicted about it, that tells me that you value being faithful and honest over her. Even though it means you and her didnt have a relationship then. Honesty may sound like a good reason, but you're still saying that she's not valued enough for you compared to your principle of honesty. If shes not on the first thing in your list, she's probabaly not for you anyway.

I think I've established that Her well being is all I'm concerned about at this point. As a human, with regards to another human, I am worried about her well being, and that is it. I don't care about friendship, I don't care about love. I care about a human's well being.

EDIT: ugh just got it now. Cant beleive i thought it was a word for a sec. lol

[Jon Miller]

so?

what people have done in the past gives basis for how they will act in the future

JOn Miller

[Zero]

I find all guys wanting to sleep with multiple innocent virgin girls funny... Unless ratio is like 50:1, it aint gonna happen. but i go off topic.

she just found out that I'm no good for her.

You mean shes no good for you. But thats okay. If other thing is more valuable than her, than you shouldnt be seeking relationship with her anyway.

[orange]

Originally posted by Calc II
But you werent in a relationship with her while she was sleeping around with people.

No, but she was asking to get back together with me, and I was considering in, but told her I needed a little time to think it over.

As for honesty, perhaps your're one of those people you rather not want to tell the truth. I dunno if you guys understand what im saying but there are some people who id rather lie since they really suck at dealing with the truth. Or mayber its her.. Id have to know the situation more before I judge her for lying about somethign like this.

Truthfully, yes. In matters of the heart I am not one to be lied to. I value honesty above almost all other things. When you lie to me you rarely get a chance to do it again. I gave this girl a chance to do it again 3 years ago when she cheated on me. She did it again, and that's that.

I am not violent, but I am vengeful. I forget, but I never forgive. I hold grudges in these matters. When the discovery was made I told her, quite calmly and rationally, "I don't wish to see you anymore" and exited the room. I did not slam a door, I did not raise my voice, I did not threaten or curse.

[Jon Miller]

it is not innocent virgin girls

but if a girl has a history of being easy, yes I think it would be reasonable to be less interested in her (or more interested in her as the case may be)

Jon Miller

[orange]

Originally posted by Calc II
You mean shes no good for you. But thats okay. If other thing is more valuable than her, than you shouldnt be seeking relationship with her anyway.

No. I meant what I said. If she doesn't like the type of person who would ask such questions, than that's a good thing that I asked, because she realizes "he asks those types of questions. I don't like that. He's no good for me"

[Zero]

well all I can say is, for me I rarely have conflicts with these things.. if i find myself conflicting over a relationship and my principle or whatever it may be, i think about whats more valuable. The relationship or whatever I compare it to. Sometimes I compare it to such trivial thing such as 'having peace and quiet' or sometimes really important thing such as honesty. So far only one relationship has passed beyond all doubt and it had to end... but i know if I find somebody like that again... I wont have to worry about if she's "clean" or "honest" to me.. i dunno if u understand what im sayin.