So sad and lonely...

[Pax]

So Albert,
Now that you have all this advice, what are you going to do?

[Dis]

continue to ***** and moan

[Al B. Sure!]

pax:

i dont know of any clubs that you described that have dress codes. all the clubs i know are shanties (just a plain plastered or brick face with a small sign if any) with bouncers where dudes come in rocking long tees and what not. there's always some bushes or some **** nearby where people drop their guns.

i dotn know of any classy clubs like you described.

so i'm not going clubbing. only with a whole posse, with at least two hammers between us, would i go into a club.

as for the supermarket... my local supermarket employs a small army of young puerto rican women every time i go in there, a cashier (which ever one is ringing up my food at the time) talks to me... commenting on the food i'm buying or saying she likes my shirt or something but it seems like a big leap to then ask them out from such small talk.

[Jon Shafer]

Probably not the most encouraging thing right now, but love usually finds you when you're not expecting it. If you seem desperate then women seem to pick up on that. If you're being completely relaxed and just going with things then that's where your best shot is at finding someone.

Another not-so-encouraging remark: you've got a lot of years ahead of ya. Plenty of time for things to happen. Try to be optimistic.

[Pax]

Originally posted by Albert Speer
as for the supermarket... my local supermarket employs a small army of young puerto rican women every time i go in there, a cashier (which ever one is ringing up my food at the time) talks to me... commenting on the food i'm buying or saying she likes my shirt or something but it seems like a big leap to then ask them out from such small talk.

A woman that's commenting on your shirt and your food is an invitation to show more interest. Strike up a conversation. See how interested she is in your food. Would she like you make dinner for her? Would she like you to take her somewhere she can try it. I think first that you need to get their phone number then work on the date.

One of your biggest mistakes is the whole hammers and posse thing. Women may travel in packs but their needs to be no more than about three guys in a group or you end up looking like a posse of hardrocks. Guys who go out in such large groups are trouble. If you don't know of any clubs like I described then you are not looking. Find the radiostation that plays the music I described then either listen for the commercials to tell you what's happening or call the station. I do this whenever I come to a new city. This has worked from Fort Lauderdale to Halifax.

A good way to kill two birds with one stone is to go to a mall. Dress decently, not flashy. Avoid the ball caps and sneakers. Dress like a grown man. You can get some sensible fashion tips from men's fitness magazine's. Anyway, look for a woman in her early to mid-20's that basically is dressed to complement the clothes you have on. These are the same clothes you would wear to the club I described. Ask her where are nice places to go. At the same time feel her out see if the two of you would be interested in talking further.
I personally would rather get a woman's phone number to communicate at my leisure rather than try to pressure a date.

Also, I don't think you should be hanging out with guys like that. Carrying guns just gives you more bad options in a tough situation.

[Pax]

Albert,
One last thing.
That are a lot of ways to meet women....
Avoid appearing desperate and look as confidant as possible.

The most successful strategy to use is to play to your weaknesses and strengths.

If you rap or sing go to an open mic. Women will approach if they liked your performance.

If you can't dance, tell the woman. Tell her that even though you can't you want to dance with her.

Anything that appears to be a weakness can be used to endear you to women. Women not only want Brad Pitt, they also seem to want Woody Allen. There is a reason for Woody's success. He knows how to make all his shortcomings endearing.

[Al B. Sure!]

Pax:

the cashiers (more than one) do it so often that i figure they're supposed to do it. they never talk to my boy though so maybe...

A good way to kill two birds with one stone is to go to a mall. Dress decently, not flashy. Avoid the ball caps and sneakers. Dress like a grown man. You can get some sensible fashion tips from men's fitness magazine's. Anyway, look for a woman in her early to mid-20's that basically is dressed to complement the clothes you have on. These are the same clothes you would wear to the club I described. Ask her where are nice places to go. At the same time feel her out see if the two of you would be interested in talking further.

mid-20's? nah... but what? i would just stop her and ask her if she goes to any clubs? i mightaswell then just stop random girls on campus and not bother with malls, ambiguous ages, etc.

but men's fashion mag style? one of my nicknames is GQ but i stick with the ghetto uniform of jeans, sneaks, long white tees and military garb. and like i said, girls do like my gear even if it aint 'fashionable'

Also, I don't think you should be hanging out with guys like that. Carrying guns just gives you more bad options in a tough situation.

thats funny, pax... you sure have been out of the city too damn long... how am i going to find friends who don't got guns?

[Pax]

I live downtown. In every city I move too... I always live downtown.

[Al B. Sure!]

ironically, though downtown is the 'inner-city', downtowns are never inner-cityish. always been through gentrification

[Pax]

Originally posted by Albert Speer
but men's fashion mag style? one of my nicknames is GQ but i stick with the ghetto uniform of jeans, sneaks, long white tees and military garb. and like i said, girls do like my gear even if it aint 'fashionable'

Your clothes need to fit your personality and the girls you're trying to get. Clothes say "I am" "I want"
If you are looking for a certain type girl then you have to dress a certain way.
The Ghetto Uniform would be okay I guess if you replace the sneakers with Timberlands or something.
Replace the white tees with rocawear or something.
replace military garb with academiks or my favorite ecko.
At your college there are a variety of women and a variety of circles. If you want to look thugged out then you get the women who are looking for thugs. Remember that. You'll need the thug mentality and talk to go along with the clothes, the posse, and hammers.
You can keep your clothes if you change your circles at least. Your problem seems to be that you are not who you are.
Maybe you should find yourself a new style one that fits who you are inside and out.
Think about this.
50 cent
Common
P-diddy
They all have a specific style of personality and thought as expressed by their music and clothes. You expect a certain type of woman to be interested in each man. For the most part that's true. Take the women that they have been associated with and you can see that there is a correlation.

The short of this is if you're looking for a church girl by a bible and suit and go to church.

Clothes makes the man.

[Pax]

Originally posted by Albert Speer
ironically, though downtown is the 'inner-city', downtowns are never inner-cityish. always been through gentrification

That's true. My neighborhood has been revitalized. I would not have it any other way. Still the definition of urban is not hammers, hoes and spinning rims. I'm assuming that you're going to college because you want to make a better life for yourself. I wanted the same thing yet did not want to leave my "urban" roots behind. What I recently found out is that I can't leave my urban roots behind. Wherever I go there I am.
Don't associate negative aspects of your life with urban. Urban is living in the city.

[Al B. Sure!]

The Ghetto Uniform would be okay I guess if you replace the sneakers with Timberlands or something.
Replace the white tees with rocawear or something.
replace military garb with academiks or my favorite ecko.

i wear roc-a-wear and state property shirts over the white tees. dickies too. ocassionally, some sean john. for some reason, i never liked any thing made by ecko, enyce, or academiks. i prefer the khaki/olive green military style of state prop.

but i think you exaggerate the correleation... plenty of good girls want thugs (unfortunately) or guys who look like thugs but aint. my last girlfriend was a baptist girl who never even thought of doing anything wrong in her life, but she preferred my thuggish attire.

[Pax]

Originally posted by Albert Speer
mid-20's? nah... but what? i would just stop her and ask her if she goes to any clubs? i mightaswell then just stop random girls on campus and not bother with malls, ambiguous ages, etc.

This is easy. Stop introduce yourself. Tell her what you're looking for. If you can slip in a joke or something do it. Stopping girls that are dressed up would be good.

Should definitely stop girls on your campus. Stop them and compliment them. "Hey, I just like your shoes."
"You look very nice."
"Do you know how to get to..."
Stop them and talk to them about anything. You see something funny happen point it out to the nearest attractive woman that's a stranger. Just start talking without any expectation of it leading anywhere then smile when it takes you to unexpected places.

[Pax]

Originally posted by Albert Speer


i wear roc-a-wear and state property shirts over the white tees. dickies too. ocassionally, some sean john. for some reason, i never liked any thing made by ecko, enyce, or academiks. i prefer the khaki/olive green military style of state prop.

but i think you exaggerate the correleation... plenty of good girls want thugs (unfortunately) or guys who look like thugs but aint. my last girlfriend was a baptist girl who never even thought of doing anything wrong in her life, but she preferred my thuggish attire.

You're right plenty of all types of girls want thugs but you're not and if a girl is not looking for a thug she won't be looking for a thug look alike in most cases.

[East Street Trader]

Pax, you are a seriously clued up guy. I have seen a couple of men - and trailed in their wake a few times - who have the knack of breaking the ice with women easily. I assumed it was an an innate knack but having read your posts maybe they worked it up based on experience just as you have done.

I am not sure it is a communicable skill. But if it is - run courses or bottle it or something. There are very few guys who do not wish they were better at it.

Tia, would I dare?

But, seriously, it is my impression that women have men sussed out quite well. But we do manage just enough of a fascade of confidence that I don't think any woman quite knows how much embarassment, or fear of embarassment, men have to overcome in the dating game. Even that guy with the shirt and the medallion has a whole bunch of insecurities lurking a fraction of an inch below that brassy surface.

Albert, for some reason you are wedded to this violence thing. Just ignore it for a bit. The girls at the checkout counter live in the same society as you do but they aren't letting it stop them chat up a young man who catches their eye. Get on with your life. The violence won't disappear and you have to take account of it enough to keep you and yours as clear of it as you can. But you have its importance way out of proportion. Most people at most times have lived in equally violent societies - the unluckiest get to live out an entire life with warring armies fighting pitched battles all around them. Those few of us who have the luck to live in more grown up places where we have learned to get on with each other are extraordinarily lucky. It has been far from condition normal for human beings.

So get the violence thing out of the forfront of your mind.

And do ask those check out girls for a date. You do have to bridge the long gap between their initial remarks and the moment when it is not too awkward to ask them out. Try Pax's ideas out. It gets called "chatting up" or "flirting" and it takes practice. There is quite a good english daytime television programme where they take adults and intensively groom them to embark on flirting much more than they are used to. They set the subject challenges and facing up to the embarassment involved regularly reduces the poor souls to tears. But the challenges are much stiffer than just responding to a check out girl acting as you describe. The fact that you get such very clear invitations to flirt means you are a seriously lucky guy. Now, for the honour of our side not just for yourself, get stuck in there and respond.