So sad and lonely...

[Pax]

I have serious self-esteem issues when it comes to women. When I was in high school I used to get stomach pains every time I thought about approaching a woman.
This woman, Shannon, I was so infatuated with I thought I was going to vomit whenever I was in her presensce. After I had moved to California, I got her number out of my high school yearbook and called her to tell her how I felt. Safe on the other side of the U.S. She told me that she knew and was just waiting for me to tell her. From then on I have been fighting to overcome my fears of rejection.
On the whole I have been rejected a lot since then but when it pays off it pays off big. Most of my friends have much better luck with women because they are more confidant and they approach more women but I really can't complain. I have always been in involved with at least one woman since 1990.

[Pax]

Originally posted by Albert Speer
but men's fashion mag style? one of my nicknames is GQ but i stick with the ghetto uniform of jeans, sneaks, long white tees and military garb. and like i said, girls do like my gear even if it aint 'fashionable'

Men's fitness magazines usually have a variety of styles and will show how to get the same look at different prices. It's not really to be fashionable that I would recommend but a particular style that would make you feel good about yourself, attract the type of women you are after and even the social circle.
You may not need to change style because apparently you're a hot item at the market.

[Sikander]

Originally posted by Gibsie
This problem can easily be solved by writing gothic poetry and self-harming

By any chance are you of short stature, tend to reside on the left shoulder, have a black aura and red clay on your hooves?

[Sikander]

Originally posted by Gibsie
Or if he owns a gun

Aha! You are the Devil! And a gun grabber!

[Sikander]

Originally posted by paiktis22
when u're good in yourself you "radiate" love and this is received by the fairer sex.
if you're too wrapped up in yourself and unhappy this is also felt.
sitting feeling sorry for yourself and saying why dont i have a girlfriend im afraid will get you nowhere.
looking after yourself, feeling good with who you are and this is transmitted, effortlessly.
also if things are so dangerous, finish school and go somewhere else ASAP no?

Generally good observations, though some girls Speer's age actually like that moody thing, especially Goth chics. Of course he can't let on that he's bumbed out because no one loves him, he has to pretend that it's because no one understands him, or that he's pissed off at his parents or something. Then all he has to do is avoid eye contact and let them mother him and slowly dissipate his foul mood. It's a high maintenance type of relationship, and of course it goes best for those who don't have to fake it.

[Sikander]

Originally posted by Albert Speer
i dont know about this club stuff. clubs are not the safest places especially with how a lot of girls are today. i could get attacked by some boyfriend cause a girl was either trying to make him jealous or just a plan slut.

a problem i have with random picking of women is that we live in a ****ed up time when a high percentage of girls my age have something problematic or wrong with them such as they have kids or they're sluts. i prefer to know some things about a girl before i ask them out; to know they arent loose. when i've established this, i ask a girl out. i've asked girl after girl out and there's rarely any interest or an interest is very short-lived.

I agree about clubs. I've had quite a few lovers, but I never met one in a club. I've had a lot of fun taking girls I already know out dancing, but I can't recommend the meat market scene. Not only has nature made this sort of attraction less effective for me, I also find it boring. I like to talk to people, and listen to them. Personality or lack of intelligence can be much bigger turnoffs to me than how someone looks, and it isn't nearly as easy to judge these things in a noisy and murky club.

I think you are more on the right track with the more personal approach.

[East Street Trader]

I never had much luck in clubs, either.

Although taking a girl to a club on a date is another matter. That I recommend.

[Stuie]

Originally posted by Albert Speer

as for the supermarket... my local supermarket employs a small army of young puerto rican women every time i go in there, a cashier (which ever one is ringing up my food at the time) talks to me... commenting on the food i'm buying or saying she likes my shirt or something but it seems like a big leap to then ask them out from such small talk.

Pick one, and get in her line EVERY time.

Speer, if you're in college, find some campus activity that interests you. Easy way to meet women who share that interest. I met my wife working at the campus radio station when I was in college, and had dated two or three others from the station prior to meeting her.

[Tiamat]

Tia, would I dare?

In a word....yes.

Guys aren't the only one with self esteem issues and who get all pent up inside when being approached. Especially if it's someone you're interested in. There is always that inital panic after eye contact of is he going to talk to me? Do I look ok? What if I say something stupid? Just because we look calm cool and collected and may I say well put together on the outside remember we are just as uptight and scared as you are. We are freeking out on the inside while trying to come across cool.

And Albieee you already have an in with the checkout girl. Start slow see if she'd like to meet for coffe or could you walk her home after her shift...something that lets her know your interested but something that doesn't scream major committment. Just something to get things started to see if you get on. And if she says no then remember it's a big world. It's like the bus system.....another one will be along in 15 minutes

[Rogan Josh]

Originally posted by Pax
Your statements are hurtful. I'm a sensitive guy. My "slick car salesman" like game comes from years of getting rejected by women for being myself(Shy).

Maybe that is the problem. I never went through that so I never had to develop a 'method', and hence I find having a 'method' rather creepy. I had plenty of girlfriends when I was younger (too many realy), but I only ever asked a girl out (for a first date) once. Girlfriends always just seemed to happen - they would be friends first or a friend of a friend who you get chatting to at a party or whatever.

I think if you don't care whether you get laid or not, you will get laid an awful lot more. I never cared.

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Pax
Urban is living in the city.

Yes.

What does it has anything to do with Speer?

[East Street Trader]

Well, it is a sort of method, RJ.

From what you say your girl friends took quite a bit of the initiative. Which means you were acting in some fashion which made that easy for them to do.

It is just that with a "method" like that, coming naturally to you, you have never had to think about it.

It is a nice method and you are a fortunate man that it has done so well by you.

If, thinking back, you can figure out why those who became your girl friends managed to push things along in the right direction so easily let us know. I have been enbarassed enough by now often enough not to worry so much about it and I kind of like what goes on when I try to pursue some lady. But letting her pursue me would make a very pleasant change if I could ease her path towards doing so.

[Al B. Sure!]

tiamat:

there isn't one cashier talking to me. everyone of them talks to me. i think i made too much of that. they probably are supposed to do that anyway.

another one will be along in 15 minutes

but what if one bus got luxury seats and takes you places instantly? what if one girl is better than most?

[Aeson]

Originally posted by Albert Speer
tiamat:
but what if one bus got luxury seats and takes you places instantly? what if one girl is better than most?

The one girl who is better than most (for you) will be the one you end up with, loves you, and you love her.

There is no absolute best person. It's all relative to what you are looking for. It sounds like you are looking for love, and if "she" doesn't love you, she obviously isn't what you are looking for.

[Tiamat]

Albieeee you can't go on that logic. We're human and all built differently. So everyone is going to be different. Honey....first you have to even get on the bus and you're still at the stop. And no you didn't make to much out of it trust me. Yes, she is supposed to talk to you but only to the point of "hi how are you today. Thank you come again." She's not going to go out of her way to speak or make polite conversation and comment on your clothes uless she is trying to get you to notice her.

You have to start somewhere.